Loneliness Support Group
Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any...
Hello fellow companions,
It’s my first time here, I’ve read a lot of posts on the discussion board. I must admit that there is some comfort to know that I’m not alone when dealing with the issue of being alone. However, I would like to add that while I have been on my own, and often at times I’m good with it, there is still the presence of absence. I’ve believed that it was just a form of depression, however, I felt there was more to it.
After some research (Which seemed to go on for months) I finally came across something that really struck at my core. Ambiguous grief, In research from Gottlieb (2019) ... Ambiguous Grief isn’t more or less painful than other types of grief—it’s just different. But one thing that does make it additionally challenging is that it tends to go unacknowledged. There are no condolence cards directed at the person whose spouse is there physically but not cognitively, or the person who can’t have the child she dreams of, or the person whose imagined partner has never appeared. There are no community rituals in place to support these people in their grief. They don’t get to take a day off work because they’re heartbroken that yet another promising date turned out to be a dud and they’re back in the throes of ambiguous grief. Instead, their grief goes largely unnoticed.
The article also dives into conversations that I have had, “Don’t deny my grief by telling me I should feel grateful for all that I have (I am) or perfectly fulfilled without a partner (I’m not). Try to imagine what it’s like to do things by myself that I thought I’d be doing with a spouse by now, from the big (buying a house) to the small (deciding where to go for the weekend). Don’t deny my grief by saying “I’m sure you’ll find someone,” because ambiguous grief is all about the ongoing uncertainty. The truth is, nobody knows when or whether I’ll find the right person, and when you offer false certainty, you further deny my reality.” Gottlieb, L. (2019, June 23).
Gottlieb, L. (2019, June 23). How to be okay being single. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/06/how-be-okay-being-single/590854/
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I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
I have been able to lessen it as my son lives with me but every night I go to bed wishing I had someone to cuddle.. toss the sex stuff aside because truthfully it doesn't matter as much as just having someone to cuddle up with or hold hands with. The little things become so much more important with time.
It sucks... It really does. I know what you are going through.
I cannot predict your future but I think if you broaden your horizons, like joining dating apps, you could meet someone. I have my reasons for not doing the same. So thanks again! Good luck!
Thank you for the responses, I look forward to reviewing some of your other posts. While exploring this Ambiguous Grief/Loss, it is akin to the five stages of loss grief.
Denial - It could never happen to me, there must be something/someone else at play here, I’m exempt from this...right?
Anger - Why me, what did I do wrong?
Bargaining - Allowing for a toxic relationship to continue, because this is better than being alone, right?
Depression - Withdrawn from life, never telling family or friends that I’m not alright. Suffering during the late nights as that is when we are all vulnerable.
Acceptance - Is it really all that bad being single? Can I define my own reality without someone to connect with?
Discovering people that have never found the “one”, people that while had a full life, never finding someone to grow old with. Never giving into the fear of settling for someone just to dull the pain of loneliness. Discovering myself as a version that will not find the companion that I wanted, but being ok with living with the pain.
John
People were either callous (i.e., "some people just aren't made to have children") or silent. But you are so on the money about our society. There is a lack of acknowledgement for things that we DON"T have, dreams that we've been unable to achieve, and even less obvious losses. I love the term "the presence of absence"....That says it all.
It seems that you've touched a lot of people here. Thank you