I'm sorry to hear that. Is there no hope of salvaging a relationship, maybe with marriage counseling?

Every relationship I ever had, there was always a way out but I rarely took that way due to fear. Usually it was the fear of guilt or the fear of being alone.

You don't go into detail but I hope you can find some happiness.

God Bless

Thank you both for your kind words we are not married we're just together for the last 11 years I did the marriage thing before that really didn't work out my children came first so I took them and I left what's funny is 20 years old with three kids and I was Stronger Than I am now I would have so quickly just got up and left didn't worry about where I was going how was going to survive I just knew that I was going to do it now I'm almost 50 I have a full-time angel in heaven my son Matthew have two girls three grandkids and I don't have the strength that I used to have I'm not even the person I used to be by no means I feel guilty for that I feel like I'm dishonoring my son's memory but I have definitely become a different person I feel weak I feel stupid and don't get me wrong just like everyone says he is a great man he's a great provider but he has his own issues I believe he's bipolar I know he's narcissistic and a couple other things things I've gotten really ugly mouth wise hand wise emotionally wise all that good stuff 97% of the time things are usually great but when they're ugly ugly is not even the word for it a lot of times now I do feel that maybe it will be better if I went somewhere else and maybe we just dated but I have nowhere to go I can't let my girls know the situation that I'm in can't put that stress on them my mother that's a whole nother story there anyone's ever seen the movie Mommie Dearest I think it was expose about my life my father I'm not going to bother him he has his own issues and not to mention he wants to show up at their fathers door almost 50 years old the hey Dad I'm an idiot now can I stay in your house I can't put the financial burden on someone else just really don't know what to do I love him with all my heart I love the person that I know he is also understand the issues that he has but the same time I'm 50 years old and I'm in this group so what does that tell you not to mention thanks to a gentleman hitting me at 78 miles an hour in a car I am kind of unable to work I do odd things here and there when I can but very limited I avoid things I avoid people I avoid situations which goes back to I'm so not the person I used to be I was wondering for the birthday parties together I was the one who sent the little notes to make a person's they feel better and now well my daughter's in New York so I really don't see you in my grandson's as much as I can and even though I hate it sometimes I feel like kind of a good thing because I would hate for them to be here and not see Grandma happy all the time and me not doing the things with them that I know that I should I used to be the one who but make sure everyone's okay now I barely pick up the phone actually I really don't call anybody him if it wasn't for Facebook really wouldn't have any contact with a lot of people I am sad because I have sisters that are my daughters ages that's another story I have nieces and nephews I left the gas it's so hard watching everyone else's kids grow when is a piece of me it's not there kind of feel like that's part of the reason why I stay where I'm at sorry to ramble but thank you both again for taking the time treat out LPS the marriage thing as far as therapy he wouldn't do it anyway it's not about him so he wouldn't be interested because his feelings are the ones that are important mynor stupid nagging mine just don't matter that's why I did with all my emotional stuff on my own my son's birthday is Angel Dade all the things that I have to honor I have to do by myself I apologize if there's typos in this I don't have my glasses on and I'm using my microphone again thank you guys

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out. I hope you will find comfort here and things will get better for you.

If you think you need professional counselling, please do so or talk to any spiritual leaders in your local church. I hope you will get the support you need. May you be surrounded with God’s peace and strength. Keep sharing. Online support groups like this can help you to feel less lonely. God bless.

Thank you very much and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my situation and yes the gods the only thing that I truly believe in and know that we'll always get me through thank you again

Dear Notverysmart, my first words to you are, yes you are a smart person. You are not stupid, and you, your feelings and opinions matter! You matter. You matter to me, that you came here and shared your story, and it’s one that I can relate to. It’s hard when you feel like your choices are Rock-hard place. Or Hardplace rock. For me it’s Hard to love the someone that hurt you, almost divorced you, only to take it back because of financial reasons. I had shoulder and brain surgery 6months apart from each other, and I didn’t come out the same way I went in, on both. Having both mental issues on top of physical ones come at the same time, made my life, no longer mine. I’m known for being the awesome gardener. I’m a was a very physical person, Now I can only do a 1/3 of what I use to. Brain surgery altered my sense of self and flow of life. My thinking processing speed decreased to the point that doing things with a lot of sequencing decision making, like cooking, are extremely difficult to do. It takes me at least 3 times longer to do what I use to do. My husband didn’t/doesn’t deal well with this. I’m on disability, so getting a job is not an option. I too don’t have anywhere else to go, and my depression got so bad I pulled away from everyone. Guilt, shame, stupid, why bother, feelings took over for quite awhile, still lingering but not so I want to leave the planet anymore. I was given a great book. “The Power within You” by Louise Hay. It got me looking at myself in a better way. Which leads to looking at everything in a different way. Like my husband. I’m now thinking of us more as roommates. Only I have the disadvantage of not being able to “cook” for myself

so I can’t be as independent of him as I would like. It’s taken me a long time to get this far, -the new me, ugh- but I’m finding that so long as I don’t bring up or complain about my issues very often or try to talk about anything on the negative side, that pertains to our relationship, things stay relatively good. Ah, mainly for him, I’m doing all this mental work to keep me from going crazy, but also going crazy because I’m not getting what I need from him. And he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong so he feels he doesn’t have to change or behave differently.
It’s my new perspective attitude that is keeping me going. The power within me. I’m winging it the best I can, with what I’ve got. I’m not exactly happy with it right now, but it’s better than it was. And yes it can be lonely, I’ll give you that. In fact that’s why I’m back to the groups here. I need support where I can get it, cuz I’m not getting much here. I am not stupid, I don’t have to keep second guessing every little thing I do or say, I do matter, and I’m working on being enough for myself, and finding away to love myself. I have faith that you too can get through this time of termoil in your life. I didn’t think I would ever get this far, so don’t give up, you can find your way. Ask God to show you, and bring you to the places and people that will be able to help you. All my best and hugs to you.