Hi Alana, I don't know enough about your circumstance to answer that. But for myself, I decided to make an effort to find people who seemed to be more like myself, in that they are available to me, to help me, to listen to me, just as I would and do for them. The ones who are not doing these things, don't throw them away, they could be wrapped up in their own stuff, but ...well it's a selfish way to look at it but it's how the psychiatrist and therapist taught it in dbt, they may still bring value to your life. So I guess what i'm saying is, if the people currently in your life don't seem to have time for you, then look for people who do. That's what I am trying to do. I have a problem where once i'm comfortable w certain people, I don't like to put in the effort with new ones, but I find that other people, once they get comfortable w you, they like to put you in their back pocket sometimes.

Sorry to hear you're feeling isolated.

We don't have any control over other the fact that some people have no problem calling or texting if they need something and otherwise being distant. That's how a lot of people are now.

Taking care of yourself - the same way you would if someone important to you came to visit - you would want to find interesting and fun things to do so they enjoyed their visit.

One travel site for women encourages women to travel alone. You get to see and do things you want to do, without compromising, dealing with someone else's mood.

If travel isn't appealing, if you find the right sport or hobby, it will become something that you wake up excited about, really looking forward to -- not a substitute for anything, not something to fill your time until someone comes along. Also, you meet like-minded people when you're in the right place or doing things you enjoy.

I joined the YMCA to try meeting some new people who hopefully are willing to befriend an over 50 guy like me....

I joined meetup.com, but I haven't gone to any because I never have extra money to spend. I know I could go without spending, but I'm really not good at mingling. I'm also very self conscious and I'm so concerned about what other people think of me and usually convince myself that people see me as a loser. It's enough to keep me away.

Travel would be so amazing, a friend of mine has gone tons of great places on her own and loved it. Again...no money. Obviously that's one of my issues - financial difficulties.

I should look into some free things I could do...it's still an intimidating thought.

I understand how you feel 100%. Coworkers that you seem to hit it off with are only just that. You meet some good people, but getting them to mingle outside of work is like pulling teeth. I find that once you leave the job, you lose contact as well. You end up at square 1.

Many people consider me a friend, but I don't have 1 person I can call a friend. What's wrong with that picture? Is something wrong with me? So yes I understand how you feel. It's perfectly normal to want others to treat you like you treat them. I so feel you.

I know the feeling so those are the times we have to treat ourselves.We have to find what we enjoy doing..places we enjoy going etc

I live in a valley and it is expensive to go anywhere and with my financial situation, I am trying to save so I am cutting going out right now so I can understand about money problems.

Is there a library nearby? In the states, I loved going to the library and just looking at all the books. Perhaps there is a book club you can join?

You are not selfish. But I do find that people are just busy with their own lives. And I am trying ( I am really trying) to not take it personally.

If they don't have time for you, it is their loss not yours.

Of course, I have no hobbies. I do live to read, but i find it hard to focus. I wish I could draw or paint or knit, anything that could occupy my time. Ok, I tried knitting and it wasn't for me. The other stuff...I can make a stick figure look stupid.

perhaps you can find a book club in the area! that wouldn't cost much and reading is something you like. I've seen a few meetups based on that. just too far from where I live...not that I read books. lol

I understand completely. I feel I often give much more of myself to others than they do to me, and that when I am in need, no one is there. I, like Gustokitty, have been looking for that equality and balance in relationships, and while I don't dismiss those who don't give as much, I also don't invest as much of myself or my time in them - I've developed levels of friendship and set the expectations accordingly. Our dog was very ill this last week and I felt absolutely no one cared. We lost her on Sunday, which was devastating to us, and I sent out an announcement. A couple of friends came by with flowers and cards, and a few others called, texted, and offered help along with neighbors. I was heartened by this, as I am so independent it's really the first time I have been in need or dealing with great loss that I shared. Sometimes it takes reaching out, but I try not to expect too much so that I am surprised when others respond. I think it's very fair for you expect others to make time for you, when you do for them. Look for more equivalent relationships, as for free or inexpensive things - a walk, a movie rental, etc....

Dear POOhbear,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs.

Alana, I share your feelings exactly. It seems in today's society, everyone is so busy with their own lives the making time for others becomes a lower and lower priority. It is disheartening when you reach out to someone in need, but then they aren't there when you need them. Please take comfort in knowing that many of us have the same feelings of being alone.

Thank you so much Koyu. We miss our girl greatly, but it was time. Today we found an orchid at our front door with a beautiful card from neighbors we don't know all that well, and it warmed my heart that someone would take such time and thoughtfulness. When this whole situation started I was furious, angry at the world and its lack of thoughtfulness. Now, I am starting to see that perhaps my jaded outlook was unwarranted.

I have to agree with gustokitty. I hope you find the answers you are looking for, and never forget that your own company is the best company. Hugs GB