Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
There are nearly an infinite number of ways that the concept of divorce has ripped our nation apart. It has taught children that social bonds (including those of the family) are no longer secure or permanent. It has taught many people that it is perfectly okay to take advantage of and mistreat the person who was once their life partner. It has ruined lives, ruined families, ruined organizations and ruined entire communities. Divorce says one thing (and it screams it out, loud and clear,) that the concept of marriage is temporary and that its very existence is dependent upon certain conditions. Marriage (like great many other things) has become hopelessly disposable. It is worth mentioning that much of what we once recognized as permanent has become cheap and disposable. This philosophy respects no object, no place, no living creature and it simultaneously applies to every human being on this planet. It is not surprising then that the very bonds that hold our societies together are falling apart. How can a nation or a people expect to thrive, when the basic unit of society has become fragmented and dysfunctional? I realize that people will offer up any number of logical excuses as to why they must be allowed to divorce and split up their family. People always make excuses for the actions that they know are clearly wrong. They seek to explain away their guilt in ruining their own families, their partner's life as well as their own. There is no appropriate excuse. There is no correct explanation. Divorce is always wrong. What is correct (you may ask?) The correct thing is to honor the vows you took, to choose to honor your commitment to your spouse. How long must you honor this commitment? Until you are dead, or until your spouse is dead. It's that simple people. The phrase "until death do us part" is not a mere suggestion, just as a Stop sign is not a suggestion. When you fail to stop at an intersection you may cause great harm to someone else, to yourself or to both. When you dissolve a marriage you WILL cause harm to yourself, your spouse, your children and everyone else in your family. Divorce also causes much of the financial ruin in this country. Houses get foreclosed on, cars repossessed and valuables sold and or stolen. Spiritually, divorce can shake one's faith to the absolute core. Emotionally divorce can only be compared to a slow-motion train wreck that obliterates everything in its path.
I realize some people may disagree with me. I am an American citizen, I support your right to disagree with my opinions. But here's the thing you need to remember, you can't disagree with the facts.
Divorce is death, choose love, choose life, choose honor.
Z.
I realize some people may disagree with me. I am an American citizen, I support your right to disagree with my opinions. But here's the thing you need to remember, you can't disagree with the facts.
Divorce is death, choose love, choose life, choose honor.
Z.
I said it before, I will say it again. Divorce is the single greatest evil in the world today. It opens the gateway to hell (wide open) as it promises to bring a new and happy beginning. Divorce kills families, ruins children and causes the large-scale breakdown of our society today.
I have never met another person who did not condone divorce for ant reason. I know you are out there... if this is what you believe, please feel free to join our conversation. "
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You sound mentally and emotionally out of touch with the true facts and reality of life. You sound like you are actually getting worst as you continue to post your divorce believes. Maybe you are so hurt and unhealed from your own divorce that it has turned into such hate and mentally illness. Maybe or maybe you are just who you are and unknowingly need professional help asap before you step over a critical line and do something that makes the news.
The only radical thing I see so far is your thinking. Radical in an unhealthy and increasingly concerning manner. This nation will not have a 100% divorce rate. That is so far fetch and unrealistic thinking that it screams crazy. There are plenty of current marriages that are holding and growing. Nowhere near divorce. That alone shows your thinking of a 100 divorce rate unrealistic. I do agree that there is a high divorce rate in this country, especially compared to previous generations. I also will agree that marriage has become more of a disposable entity than the committed loving relationship to which it once was, but that does not give ground or practicability to your thinking.
The legal system is not pro-divorce. It has become more accommodating to the divorce processes and requests, but like anything else in this world, that is because it is constantly evolving to improve. I dont know how it works in the state you live in, but where I live, you have to wait a minimum of 6 months after the courts final divorce decision is made before your divorce is finalized. In those 6 months, either party can request to cancel the divorce by the courts. If only one party makes that request, everything is put on hold until a new hearing is done and conclude before another court decision on the divorce is made. This right here shows that the legal system does not love divorce, but only has made the process more accommodating. There is a huge difference between the two.
The state does not love divorce too nor does it receive much of their funding because of social services and divorce related family matters. That to which you said is simply and boldly not true. I have worked for the state and know others that still do. That is not how the financial structure of a state works. Taxes and other not family related / divorce related fees is a bulk of the states money, plus federal resources. Your statement on the state is so incorrect it might as well be a obviously lie.
Divorce is not the single greatest evil in this world today. It is the unhealed hurt someone feels that results in them lashing out in anger towards others that is the biggest evil in this world. Very similar to what you have been seemingly doing in this entire post. Plus what appears to be your possible mentally illness getting worst. As a Christian who lives and follows the word as good as anyone else truly tries to, I know what evil is and it is not being so great or spawning from divorce. Oh, and if you do actually attend church, stay out of mine. We do practice religious fanaticism.
Many who are divorce or facing divorce are not wanting divorce. They want/ed to keep their marriage and families intact, growing, and loving. However, a marriage is a partnership and that means 2 people working together. It only takes one to not work with the other to cause the marriage to end, but it takes 2 working to gather to keep it going. Many have tried, but without their partners help, they where unable to make it work. I dont like divorce and I would never promote it as a easy or first option, but the reality is that divorce is apart of life. Has been since day one of marriage and all the hate you express towards divorce is not going to remove divorce from society, not going to cause the innocent partner to be dammed in blame, or going to shift what is evil and isnt around. Just because you feel what you do, does not make it sane or correct or influenced to change it. I strongly suggest you realize what divorce is and isnt and by doing so, heal from your own out control pain by getting professional mental help you so seem to need more and more of.
For the record, I'm an atheist. Now, before you go all "atheists don't understand marriage and commitment on me" ...
Grandparents married 75 years until death -- atheists
Parents married 54 years, still going -- atheists
Aunts, uncles, sisters, cousins etc.
I'm the first divorcee in my family.
Was I planning on divorce? Nope, but my "devoted, Christian" husband had other ideas. Specifically, cheating, lying, drinking and physically abusing me and his children and then deciding that children and a wife was too hard and interfering with being the studly playboy he was meant to be.
Divorce is an end to a civil contract Period. I don't care what your "God" or "bible" claims or doesn't claim. It is not part of my reality and at the end of the day, it doesn't feature in a courtroom.
Now, why again is this posted here? I don't eat grains but I'm not posting paleo diet lectures on the Betty Crocker forum.
Geesh.
For the record, I have never been divorced (or even married). I followed Phoenix's post from another board which led me here.
Phoenix, I'm sorry if it feels like I'm giving you the third degree. But you are not nice. Your posts are some of the most judgmental I have ever read on this board. Ironic, considering you have made sure to mention the Bible and Christianity at every turn. Doesn't the good book say something about how it's not your place to sit in judgment of others? Maybe reread that passage.
I am curious to know why you posted in Breakups and Divorce that you cheated on your wife, then filed for divorce, yet did not mention that here. Don't you think that's relevant information? 'I don't believe in divorce. Thou shall not commit adultery.' So you preach this to others, who never asked for your judgment, by the way, and neglect to tell them you did these things? Pretty unfair.
It's clear you have severe emotional issues and have been through traumatic experiences. For that, I am very sorry. But if you can't get off your high horse and say something nice, try not saying anything at all. If you can't tell, people on this board and also on Breakups are hurting. They don't need this narrow-minded BS.
So why are you posting this entry here and standing up for marriage against divorce? Isnt that hypocritical. Or is it because you changed your mind and want to stay with your wife and marriage but she decided not to so now you are just throwing a childish tantrum because you cant get your way?
If you cheated on your wife and filed for divorce, you destroyed your own marriage and wifes heart for you, NOT society or the world as you have been blaming for the whole divorce thing.
You are acting like a child throwing a tantrum over something you caused to happen yourself. A hypocrite for blaming society over justice you are getting for your wrong doings. And no, as a Christian, I would not want you to attend my church. Christians at my church dont run and pass the buck on their accountability to their mistakes. We are accountable and we learn to grow in maturity. Something you clearly are not doing.
One more thing.. you do not know me. Be sure of that.
In both cases, it's not something anyone wants, and we can do as much as we can to prevent it, but...
Everyone, please be gentle here, we are all in pain and trying our best to heal and move on with our lives. We are here to support each other, not debate the evils of divorce. Sending you all hugs and a little bit of peace if possible.