All I can say is if she does not want to get help, there is nothing you can do. If she is driving around like that she is endangering others too. You should call the police and let them know. You need to look after yourself. Hugs.

I read this and I see myself. I too have relationships like this..being in your shoes, and being in your wife's shoes. I am borderline, so I completely understand. I am so sorry this is happening. I love my ex, even though he cheated. I still love him and people say that I deserve better as well, but its not that simple is it? We can't just shut off the love we have for someone. Especially someone that we married. I still haven't figured out how to balance it. Some weeks I am strong, and can fight off contacting him, and can keep reminding myself I hate him for what he did and that I need to protect myself and not speak to him. But then I get into bad moments, where I am so conflicted, and may even try to reach out to him. But then he's making all these terrible choices! I think, give it time. You can't stop loving her overnight. And you can't learn to love yourself overnight. (Unless a serious epiphany happens, in which case, thats awesome). She will learn to adjust, as will you. One of the key helpful things that works quite painfully is adhering to the rule of no contact. When I am weak and contact him, he does not reply, and I can count on that. It is awful that he does that, because I have so many emotional issues that need to be discharged through his communication... but he probably just sees me as 'borderline! unstable! run!' *shrug* Its important to remain compassionate to yourself. You could be trying so hard, and want so much for this other person, and see them actively hurting themselves...which hurts you. Try your best to remember that they are doing what they are doing because they think somehow, that it helps them or makes them feel better or it will give them what they want. They're doing something for a reason, and while we may not understand that reason, we have to find a way to exist around it, and maintain our healthy space and healthy distance. Loving someone from a distance is so fucking hard. (Sorry I talked about myself so much, I thought I'd let you know that you're not alone in this) I really hope you are patient with yourself, and with her, and continue speaking to your counsellor or therapist, and don't bottle up your emotions. Don't run to alcohol or drugs or one night stands... they don't work and just prolong the suffering. You will be suffering, and you need to experience it, so you can heal. *HUG* if you want to chat more, I'm here.

I struggle with calling the police. It would jeopardize her career and I can't ruin her life. All of your comments are so helpful though especially Anna! My grandma's name is Anna actually. I've been doing all of the bad things..Texting and drinking, trying to remember, I continue to decimate myself and shit if I can't stop doing it.

What Atpeacemary said. You can't fix her. All you can really do is look after yourself. Staying with this person is going to cause misery. I think you know this in your head, however your heart & feelings haven't caught up yet.

So, what to do. Try to get yourself involved in other things to get your mind off it. Have a sport you gave up after highschool like baseball or bowling? join a local rec league. volunteer at a food bank. etc.

Time and distance will help you get over the heartache, but only if you use it constructively by spending that time on things that builds yourself up. There will be days with setbacks, but you need to start looking for things that bring you satisfaction in your life; you can't be dependent on someone else to do that for you.

Okay sit down mate.

She's had an emotional impact on you, and you've been infatuated with her, but let's be honest, let's be practical. Let's cut to the chase, ok? Try to imagine her raising your children. Just try that for a second.

Just awful, right? Awful. She'd be like the mother in "Sybil". She'd hit them, she'd bully them, you'd fight with her, you'd end up divorcing, she'd get custody and the house, you'd be paying alimony for years while she screwed them up and turned them against you. You'd go insane with it.

I can't believe you're even considering that. You think it's love. Give it 20 yrs and see if you're still that romantic.

People's mental health is one thing, but their morality is quite another. Stop thinking about things in terms of mental health, and start thinking in terms of right and wrong, fair play, cruelty and justice.

Those things. Somebody's mental health is their own bloody concern. They can be as nutcase as they like, so long as their flailing fist stops short of your nose.

How they treat others? Their morality? That's a serious issue. That's their interface between their own desires and other people's rights. You've caught yourself up emotionally with someone who is NOT honest, NOT just, NOT truthful and not a safe person to live with. Sure she was exciting. Anyone can be exciting when they have no boundaries or obligations. Everybody loved charles manson.

Marriage isn't about childish playtime and irresponsible excitement. it's about raising children in a safe and stable environment where fair play, truth and safety are paramount. And you just had a massively lucky escape.

Rip that plaster off man. Rip it off, get away, and get over the wounds alone. Gonna hurt now, but it's absolutely for the best.

That actually made me feel better than anything I've read thus far. I think it's definitely a process because you're entirely right. Today I found myself thinking about one of the first times she flipped out on me and she told me that I make her want to kill herself because I'm so pathetic. I actually laughed out loud whenever I thought about it. Not even my worst enemies in my life have ever actually said anything that hurtful. And I almost kind of felt embarrassed at how quickly I let myself get sucked into this cycle. At any rate. I really do appreciate all of your responses. You've all been very helpful and I really do appreciate you all taking the time to help guide me in a good direction!

lol it's not actually hurtful, it's really stupid. If she's willing to end her entire life because she finds you pathetic, that's my definition of pathetic. Pathetic and ridiculous.

I've had a couple of people in my life threaten to kill themselves and I think the only real response to it is to give them a shovel and tell them to dig themselves a grave first. And tidy and sell their stuff. Clean up and then go. The reality is that people who aren't willing to even commit to being alive are not even at the starting gate for committing to anything else whatsoever, like truth, or justice, or love. They don't care for their parents, they don't care for their siblings. They're completely self absorbed.

It's a person's first social and moral obligation; to commit to being alive. And if they aren't willing to do that, they are not people yet, they're just ghosts. You need to get away from them and ensure you are not part of their reason to act one way or another. Don't give hope for survival, don't dash hope for survival. Leave them to make that first choice in life, and only have anything to do with them after they've made it.