Oh you and I are almost living the same lives. I can't agree more or type faster.LOL I'm having the same feelings about my friends. They are NOW sooo busy and going on dates and spending time together. But when I was married we spent time together as singles and as couples. I feel like they don't want the same thing to happen to their marriage. Also I felt that maybe their husband didn't want them w/ the "new" divorcee.
Just yesterday I needed someone to talk to and noone had time. I decide at that moment to start spending time with myself. I'm taking me out this weekend. try it it may help.

All the friends I had during my marriage are also gone. Its like they dont know what to talk to me about -- they are married or in a relationship. None of them single. I have discovered tho some are indeed scared it would happen to them as Krnd said. And also I noticed one or two of them are actually jealous that I am single and able to get out and do things. Yeah right.
And I cant find single females my age.

Many of the friends my ex and I hung out with were his friends. Now I only talk to one of the friends who wants nothing to do with my ex. The others, including most of my exes family, have excluded me like they never knew me for 15 years.

I got to keep the ones worth keeping and lost the ones not worth havin go figure.

I am too new to know if this will happen to me also, but I assume it will.

Can't help but noticing, however, that your GFs have young kids. That might be wrecking THEIR social lives since they may center around the kids for now. Play dates and not being able to find a sitter are legitimate pursuits and common problems of people with babies or really young kids. They are up nights with babies, seeking advice and friends for their kids days, can't have lunch w/o nursing or a crying kid, not able to have fun or go out like "normal" people do. Their social lives are more or less wrecked for a while until the kids get older ... and it's common they will spend a lot of their time, for a while, with moms with similar aged kids.

It might be THEIR kids and NOT YOUR divorce that is cramping the social get togethers.

Hope you find a brand new batch of friends who share your interests and your stings-free ability to go out and have a good time!

Thanks for all the support ya'll. Yeah I know kids change it a little. and it did change a little when the kids came in to the picture... but there was still some socialization until the divorce. And I forgot to mention she has tons of time to spend with her husband and take vacations. Both mothers are always beggin for the kid and others too... I think it is a personal jab.

Hi,

I went through the same thing. My former and I had friends we did a lot things with. They were his friends and their wives. Basically, they were his friends and I thing they just made a choice.

I decided they weren't ever really my friends. Sure it hurt, but I've written them off.

So sorry what you are going through. It can feel very lonely and sad when you feel abandoned. Time does heal. Hang in there okay? Its not you but them. I think married folks are afraid divorce may be contagious.

In divorce, sometimes one of the spouses also seems to get custody of the friends. It almost sounds as if that is what happened here. Maybe not. I have to tell you that quite honestly you should let go (in my opinion) and move on. If they ever decide to take responsibility for their behavior and explain it to you, then deal with it then. Until then, I would not run after people who make themselves unavailable to you. It is sad when good friends throw you to the curb during your darkest hour. I've had it happen. However, I made a whole batch of new friends who oddly enough were there for me throug my darkest times, even though they'd just met me. Now they're my good friends. They're not new anymore either!! It sucks but maybe it's time to force yourself to get out there and make new friends. You have to find those opportunities and it takes work but worth it.

i think you are right... I have a neighbor who has been my greatest source of support lately and I just talked to one of my ex's old co-worker's wives (get all that?). she is going thru a divorce too so we have been messaging over mySpace.

I know for fact ex did't get custody. He never liked the one with the 5 year old, and the other one... well her husband and him were very close but I talked to ex the other day and he said he is getting the same cold shoulder.

She kinda sent a half-assed apology that told me she was sorry, but at the same time I was being hurtful and selfish. I think it's time to keep her at arms length.

I was married for 25 years to a lieing drunk, but who was also a very nice person. I always came across as the bitch because I was always so angry at him. I lost every friend I had, friends for over 20 years. It was poor my husband, how could I leave him, noone had any idea he came home drunk everyday and squadered our money, but no really cared. For over a year i cried about the loss of my friends...fianlly joined single groups made new friends and moved on. It was very hard and I still sometimes dont understand...he was the bad one....right?

Honestly those are not true friends.....more like "associates". Its during and after a breakup that you TRULY needs your friends around. I did it alone for the first 3 months. And that hurt just as bad as me losing my marriage. So keep in touch with those friends you do have now, or go make new ones......I know its tough. I had to make friends 1 by 1. I will never forget this journey just as everyone else. Stay strong Sparky.

After being divorced, yes the married friends walked away. Why? Not only are you the 3rd or 5th wheel to the spoke of coupling crowd, you now pose a threat to any husband lQQking. So the convenience is to dismiss the friendship with any reasonable excuse. So I got myself involved with organizations to find new friends even dates. There is this great site called MeetUp.com and you put in your zip code for many areas of interest. Join just one whether divorced support group, dog lovers, politics, etc. and see what nice people you will encounter and develope new relationships. I refuse to punish myself by people who I once thought or called my friend, why? Because I was there for all their ups & downs and family situations, mine was no different and they turned selfishly away. So look at these people You once called "A Friend" and maybe they weren't one afterall but just a passing acquaintance. Find substance and stick with it. You've been punished enough by a failed marriage of whatever circumstances, now find yourself in the recovery and try the MeetUp site. Good luck.

oh im so sorry SHBROOKS... what a terrible thing to deal with. Yep... he was the bad one, lol.

And thanks for the suggestion of Meetup.com. I may try it out. I have a couple great neighbors and I just started a new job. I think that will help. Thanks again. just nice to not feel like I screwed this up :)

I have noticed something of the opposite which is that friends who are divorced, divorcing or in difficlut marriages are suddenly reaching out and asking me to do things. It's almost like there is a single girls club in this Stepford-like town where I live.

Because my husband became so antisocial in the last few years, we already lost most of our couples relationships. Most all of my social contacts were purely my friends. If he had friends, he hid this from me so I feel no loss.

I did notice that a couple friends are steering clear and interestingly, they are people whose husbands may not be exactly devoted or faithful to the marriage. Maybe they see a recently single friend as a threat.

If so, I have no qualms in cutting them loose. I don't need their negative energy. I have always steered clear of negative people. They bring me down. (Too bad I didn't follow this advice regarding my husband.)

Hope you find loads of single GFs to care for and support you. Hobby groups, sporting groups, church or synagogue, political group, volunteering, work, singles groups -- all great ways to make new friends. I consider my online friends helpful too. We are more honest here and sometimes that actually makes the relationships "closer."

Maybe it's experience or all the therapy, but I have become pretty self confident in my friendship skills. When I go into a new situation, I just assume I will make new friends there. Power of positive thinking, I guess: my positive assumptions generally prove true.

Having no family in town and now no husband, my friends are my lifesavers. Other than my kids, they are my life.

Wishing you the same! Forget the self-absorbed moms club and find some really buddies who will do anything for you.

Oh Porada I am so happy for you! I love that people are reaching out to you to help. I think that is what shows a true friend. And I think it is true too, that maybe without going thru it maybe people dont understand a need to be a pal, but again... it is the fact that i pointed it out and what did I get, ladies and gentlemen... excuses, arguments. Crappy.

Anyway, amen to that, sister. And I agree the online friend thing is a must. It is really raw when you think about it. I talk to people here on DS about more personal things than I ever would have with the... oh how do the kids say nowadays... the self-absorbed mom's club. :)