Hi Amanda im so sorry you have had a bad life and we will try to help in the best way we can. Reading your comment just sounds like me although my mum believed me she doesn't really see me that much. Some of my family also told me to get over it, which you can't, I've cut all ties with my family and it helps alittle. I think that you are right not to have anything to do with your mum while she with him cos at end of day she as chosen him over you and your her own daughter. I too have them same issuess as you I feel im angry.been controlled (even though im not) im really depressed and cry alot.it's a big thing been sexually abused and raped and no one understands till they have been there.it's a soul destroyer and it takes courage everyday to breath.we are all so strong and need to be proud. I think you should also tell your boyfriend that you are not happy with is daughter it's the last thing you need right know. And tell everyone to get lost and concentrate and you and your children. Take care hugs x

Thank you, I have told him, Over and Over, It was another blow up last night. I was correcting my oldest son, and she butted in and starting yelling at my younger son, and I snapped, I turned around it told her that I wasn't even talking to him, I so mad that I was shaking, and all it did was cause my boyfriend and I to fight because he said I don't give him a chance to do anything about it. I told him you haven't done anything about it in two years why would you do something about it now....I don't know but if he doesn't step up to the plate I think I may have to cut my ties with him too...I know that it is going to hurt not only me but my kids and his two oldest since we are close but I feel that if he can't repremend his own daughter it is not going to help me in anyway shape or form I can't keep living like this. I feel like a failure and that I can't do anything right. I don't know...

It sounds like you need to learn some coping skills You have alot of difficulty handling stress.

One thing that jumped off the page at me was when the bf tried to help and you prevented him from doing so. It sounds like you have labeled him in a negative way because he hasn't lived up to your expectations of him but he tried to change and you told him he hadn't done so in 2 years so why would you do so now.

Some people need to feel like they are in control (not saying you are one) and have this preconceived notion that nothing would get done unless they do it themselves.

If someone expressed an interested in helping me and in making my job a little easier, I would give encouragement rather then belittling that person for wanting to help.

I use to work for this boss who use to get his thrills by ridiculing us in front of an audience. Needless to say, nobody wanted to help him and he never changed his poor attitude. He had a heart attack one day and had to drive himselt to the hospital. Nobody would drive him. Needless to say, the company moved him into the office because he knew nothing about the proper way to get his workers to do their jobs through teaching and using alot f encouragement. The next boss that came after him did just that and I did everything I could for the guy because he was so trusting and helpful to me.

Not sure if any of this helped you but your situation sounded like something I had lived through.

~~~Peace~~~

I left out one thing. Sorry about that Getting back to the abuse, a trip to the police station would have done the trick but it sounds like those you have told are in denial and thats quite common in abuse. Nobody wants to believe that a loved one is capable of something so horific.

I don't know what you can do about that outside of going through therapy to help you deal with that. I highly recomment that as well. Some counselors just specialize in sex abuse. That would be a good one to hook up with.

Good Luck!

Thanks, It is not so much that it was just this time he didn't do anything it has been two years that I have been talking with him about this issue with his daughter and he keeps turning a blind eye, He keeps choosing not to rectify or resolve any of the issues, I have talked to him until I am blue in the face about it and nothing gets done, that is what I ment about when you didn't do anything for two years why would you do it now....I have had some counceling and inpatient therapy when I was younger about this issue, told them everything that my step father has done and even though it all came out in the courts and in therapy she still doesn't belevie me and is still with him so my only option at this point is to cut all ties with my mom. I am looking into going back into therapy but my insurance is fighting my doctor about getting more then just once every couple of month to refill my perscriptions....plus he thinks that I need inpatient and just waiting on insureace to approve it. But thank you for all your advice it is very appreciated and is all taken in...Yes I do agree with you about I need some coping skills....I am working on it and hopeing by talking with others that aren't judgeing me and that have went though some similar situations that it will help a little cause I tend to keep a lot bottled up and then one little thing happens and I blow from everything that I have bottled up. I know that it isn't good to bottle it up but when there is no one to talk to that understands and just think that you are crazy it is hard not to.

It sounds like you need to learn how to vent your anger in more constructive ways and I hope you are reading between the lines on this. Alot of times it's not what you say but how you say it. Sit your husband down and start by telling him how much you love him and what other positive things you can think of that he has done for you or with you and tell him what the problem is the way you see it (he may see something entirely different) and then ask him what he thinks needs to be done about it. Then tell him what you think, then find some common ground and compromise!

I knew you had some anger issues but I didn't want to say it but the good news is, you can be helped! You can heal from that deep down hurt and anger and you CAN live a happy life! But it takes work and it takes therapy. The very nature of your being, your soul, has been damaged and you need to heal from that and you need to let go of that anger which is holding you back and preventing the healing from taking place!

If your insurance won't cover it, look for free programs where you can see a qualified therapist. Here they call it the Care Partners Program which is doctor donated services. If you call your local hospital, I am sure they can point you in the right direction.

When I turned my computer on this morning, it took me right back to this post for some reason. It must be that I was meant to answer it and I don't know what I said, I just read what was in my heart so I hope it helps.

In leaving you I want to add that you need to take a proactive approach and get the help that you need to be a happy and successful mom! Don't settle for anything less because you are worth it!

God Bless

Thank you Bob, I do listen and read everything...Got good news finally yesterday my insurance got back to me got an appointment next week with a theripist. I did talk to him, and we are getting some thigs moving in the right direction....Just praying that everything starts turning around with me and therapy, and he aggreed to to couple's counceling also...So We will see just got to put myslef first and get me better before I can keep worring about everything and everyone else. But thank you for all the help and advice

Hi. I was abused by my first cousin, a female; honestly I think that it began when I was six years old...because of all my older brothers(five), "W" was the closest in age to me, and he is seven years older than I.
"W" sought out the company of young ladies and I was left to be abused by her.
Not only did she sexually abuse me, she put objects in me.....for now that's it, okay?!
The surgeons that saved my life(but also made living very, very difficult)said: "Fran, you were so messed up in there we truly did not know where to start, yet alone get rid of necrotic calcifications, ......." and blahblahblah.
I had: 1 good marriage/I left...1 great marriage/I left(and to this day?! he is the ONE.(|)...1 sexually, emotionally, physically, et cetera from what he turned out to be a nasty abusive drunk.
I screamed silent screams. I started to lie. I made bad choices/on purpose.
I finally got some help from two counselor/therapists. I still, to this very day, curl up in the fetal position and cry. I'm definitely going back to counseling.
I just wanted further to congradulate Bailey Girl on her success ~ first, on what YOU did and are doing NOW! Secondly, look at what YOU are and who YOU are today. Wow! You're my SuperHero of the Day!

franciann your a star love and hugs xx

Francienn My heart goes out to you!

humans are creatures of habit. they are attracted to whatever is familiar.

if you are abused for 15 years. then you need 15 years of no abuse and better surroundings to get passed it.

all abused people need to leave that environment as soon as possible. an easy out is the military or a religious order if its legit. then let yourself heal and learn new routines and habits which will hopefully keep you away from anything similar to the abuser.

Hi 79pounds i totally agree hope u are well

I was sexually abused by my father all through my childhood. I know for sure that we can make it through this. I am married and have 5 girls. I have had a lot of therapy and have always been able to talk about my abuse. I have usued it to help others. I am a Domestic Violence advocate and I am a rape crisis councelor. Im on the hospital response team. I am a advocate for the rape victim and I stay with them and help them during the entire forensic exam. I feel blessed that I am able to help these women or men.

I worked hard in therapy and went to hell and back to be where I am today. I have never been ashamed to share my story with others. I love my job and feel what happened to me makes me a even better advocate.Butterflybaby15

Hey butterfly15 thats great i really want a job loke that were do. Work? How do you go about it,think it will help me too as this site really helps me to talk about things and i really want to help victims wich as gone through the same as me take care

im 26 yrs old and i started going to therapy this july. i have been loving it! i have been doing coping skills and it had drastically reduce my bp back to its normal range. my therapist has been talking to me about forgiveness and moving on which is not easy to do we're talking about 16 yrs of this problem. she does not know i still live at home with this abuse, she thinks i stay with my bf and his dad soon moving to stay with him and his mom.

mine was emotionally abusive more so than physical. i do remember my mom throwing me on my bed, twisting my arm, and saying do u want me to kill you - twice. dad was never around and still isn't today running around with whores trying to be donald trump aka suga daddy! he just wanted kids so he can be like the rich Arab men and having as many wives as he wanted cuz women were for sex and babies.

ive always been ashamed to share my story with others i told my therapist why its because of shame, guilt, fear, embarrassment, and judgment because thats what ppl have done to me is call me a liar telling me i shouldnt say such things about my parents. excuse me?!? who lived through this? certainly not you is what i told them!

yea, its very hard to share my story with others cuz im always being called a liar my parents call us liars daily, who's the one still living in denial and in a fantasy world? not us! it is not easy to forgive and let go not after 16 yrs while i am still going in and out of fear. i have no passion/motivation/determination/desire to do anything because it has been killed within me. its embarrassing to relearn these skill that should have been taught to me when i was a kid.

every where i go, my parents' aura seems to follow me and brings in more drama from others i do not need. ppl say i should surround myself with positive ppl in my life but i cant do any recreational time that involves money and there is nothing free in life! i asked my therapist when is the blaming, being called a liar, having ppl get in my face, etc gonna stop for good?

she knows how withdrawn i am from ppl because i told her how when we moved to AZ in 96 i was not allowed to go anywhere with anyone at all so i spent the majority of my time on my computer. i am an IT person that is actually normal but it just made me go deeper and deeper in depression. no social connection to the outside world that is why my interpersonal communication skills went downhill, it is still a struggle to go back to myself a very outgoing person but now i fear people.

i told my therapist how i became a mute only spoke when spoken too. im always crying its so hard to be a functional human being. i tried to be an inspirational but it didnt work they didnt appreciate it always called a liar, needing to make up crap about my parents. oh yea, that's my true intentions that is THEIR INTENTIONS not mine! dad is the professional liar and mom is the habitual liar.

my sister keeps telling me to go join the military at least i am free. not everybody can be a soldier and 2 ppl from my shabbat group know my story everybody else does not. my therapist has told me how much shame i have which is a lot. i walk around with my head down in shame. i dont see what is going to happen for me i hate living at home. i wanted to move out at 18 been looking for people online whom i can move in with (ppl i didnt know) back in high school.

its so hard for me to have any beliefs i have no resources, my old friends deserted me long ago, and bf and i cant seem to get our own places cuz of lack of jobs!!!!! every thing is so mightily frustrating for me always has been for 16 yrs. my therapist suggest i should volunteer to get a sense of gratitude and i was thinking to myself cant that come later? passion and gratification can come later money is more important to me right now so i can get things back on track. i told her well how am i suppose to get to these nonprofits? there is nothing within walking distance in the state of AZ.

like i said i have to rebuild my assets again. ppl have told me pave the way for myself how do u do that? u need resources to do that i dont know other places that can help. my home based congregation cant really offer much so i dont know what else to do. do u know how many years i have been asking this same question over and over again? obviously i dont like the answers being given and other times whatever is the advice does not sit well with me nor does it work.