Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hey Guys,
It's been a while since I've posted but I wanted to come back to the place that helped guide me through my last obstacle.
My partner and I have been through alot together but are now stuck in what seems like a horrible stage of "rewind" were we just seem to end up back and the same stage over and over and over again.
We've been together about a year and a half, she was married and has 3 kids. I love her on a level I never knew was possible and feel a protection over her that I never knew existed but the problem is I don't know what's real for her anymore.
I am an open person (not always good I know!) but if I care for someone they will know, if I love someone they will be told I wear pretty much everything on my sleeve and if honest wouldn't want to change that about myself.
Our problem in this relationship now is I feel I am being used as and when suits (mainly being when her children aren't with her) all 3 of her children know about us and I realise for her and them it was a really big step and it takes a while to come to terms with (2 oldest have known for about 6 months youngest just very recently). So out of respect for each of them and my partner I am not there when they are with their mum and am never there to be seen in and way, shape or form.
But I can't hide how frustrating it is to one week see her 5/6 days a week and then when she chooses it can drop to twice. We still do speak on the phone each night before going to bed and text during the day (although this has dropped drastically as well). When the kids aren't there or away doing something she wants me to be there 24/7 and then when they are it's back to bread and water and I am just getting so fed up with it as it always leads to arguments with her making me out to be the unreasonable one.
I am just sick of the click of the fingers attitude and being lifted up and dropped down when suits. I can hold my own in an argument and don;t pretend to be walked over but am I being unreasonable in what I am saying?
Honest answers requested please, even if you think I am being a prat or selfish!
Thanks guys, it's always the safest place to turn x
It's been a while since I've posted but I wanted to come back to the place that helped guide me through my last obstacle.
My partner and I have been through alot together but are now stuck in what seems like a horrible stage of "rewind" were we just seem to end up back and the same stage over and over and over again.
We've been together about a year and a half, she was married and has 3 kids. I love her on a level I never knew was possible and feel a protection over her that I never knew existed but the problem is I don't know what's real for her anymore.
I am an open person (not always good I know!) but if I care for someone they will know, if I love someone they will be told I wear pretty much everything on my sleeve and if honest wouldn't want to change that about myself.
Our problem in this relationship now is I feel I am being used as and when suits (mainly being when her children aren't with her) all 3 of her children know about us and I realise for her and them it was a really big step and it takes a while to come to terms with (2 oldest have known for about 6 months youngest just very recently). So out of respect for each of them and my partner I am not there when they are with their mum and am never there to be seen in and way, shape or form.
But I can't hide how frustrating it is to one week see her 5/6 days a week and then when she chooses it can drop to twice. We still do speak on the phone each night before going to bed and text during the day (although this has dropped drastically as well). When the kids aren't there or away doing something she wants me to be there 24/7 and then when they are it's back to bread and water and I am just getting so fed up with it as it always leads to arguments with her making me out to be the unreasonable one.
I am just sick of the click of the fingers attitude and being lifted up and dropped down when suits. I can hold my own in an argument and don;t pretend to be walked over but am I being unreasonable in what I am saying?
Honest answers requested please, even if you think I am being a prat or selfish!
Thanks guys, it's always the safest place to turn x
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You were so eloquent with your thoughts and feelings here.
Now.
For the really difficult part.
Set up a candlelight dinner when you know the kids are going to be gone. Dance with her. Smile with her. Share bread with her. Admire her.
Then.
Sit her down and patiently, lovingly, carefully, non-defensively tell her what you told us. Make your goal a sweet, giving, caring, unconditional (totally non-defensive!!!!) compromise.
((hug))
*smile
I'm pretty open about what I want for the future, I don't see the point in being in a relationship if you don't see an end result or a common goal and dream. Another problem with both of us is that she doesn't want to talk about the future, she just wants to live for the day!
And while I understand that, I see life as very precious and lessons and the journey along the way show me that life is too short not to say what you feel, or to go after what makes you happy. But I am reaching the end of my strength as we just end up constantly back at the same place, and this past while has been just constant arguing.
But Ms. Teri I am going to take your advice today and attempt to have a heart to heart over dinner.
If there is anymore advice out there please add to the great wisdom already shared, it's how we get through the day and challenges along the way :) xx