Its funny that you mentioned this because I was just having similar thoughts earlier today. I think everything you said is pretty normal. I think everyone sort of has their own line that they draw with their own sexuality. I used to feel that I could really relate to feeling like a male but the more I explored those feelings and things in my relationship I realized that there are certain circumstances where I take a more masculine role and certain circumstances where I'm a total girl. I've really found a peace in my life where I just accept things for what they are. I don't try to put any hard labels on anyone but myself especially (like lesbian, butch, whatever)

I don't know if any of that made any sense sorry, I tend to ramble a little. haha

It made since.. I just haven't explored enough... but.. .I mean i just maybe also try to keep myself in those masculine roles... even with my group of friends who are straight girls i'll be like ill protect you... and of course they laugh at me because some of them tend be narrow minded about the thought of someone other than a man protecting them... but i mean.. i like playing the "masculine role" i just didn't know if anyone ever went through it too or if it was just me....

I found this post interesting, I can relate,,,,,, i remember feeling like you describe when I was 14 w my friends, and the females in general, I was very much into sports, and by 17-18 was more into the more aggressive sports,,, motorcross racing, rock climbing, some of the toughest shooting ranges, most if sometimes not all my competitions was w males,,,,, at the time dressed in geer many had no idea i was a female til all was said and done,,,,,,,, that was just me,,,,, did i want to be a guy? no. did i feel capale of being more respectable toward women then the guys I saw and how they treated their gf's? absolutely. clothing was the jeans hiking boots, muscle shirts, mens dress shirts double layered, or mens t's..... i aso had long hair at the time that i wore up, basebal cap, I remember there being a used clothes store acros town, im not sure i was as aware of myself as a label. "butch" as the lady that worked there who would hold back clothes as they came in and id get first chance at them,,, mens clothes of course,,, suits, jackets, tyes, socks, jeans, shirts, muscle shirts, ,,,,, dress and casual, id try each on and look in the mirror, ,,,transformation had been made, i was also big into hats,,,,, (did i mention I was at this time also doing drag shows) which very much placed me in a male persona....... I dont see yself as male, would never want a sex change, dont relate to the male population and manner of thinking and procesing things,,,,, but i do all the things that i feel the male should have done down through the ages for the woman he loves, opening car house, store car home, showering her w her hearts desires, just the little things that mean alot,,, protecting her, respecting her and her wants/desires and needs... I think its somewat interesting and ask myself some of the same quest you do, and have for yrs (im now 50). Ill continue to read your posts as well as responses here, i think we can relate on this so no u r not alone,,,,, just enjoy being who u r and embrace the person u r,,, are u attracted to butches or feel u can relate to them? from a yound age my attractions was also toward butches, which i guess i thought somewhat od w being a butch myself,,, so was curious if u was the same in that regard? blessings, kd

Fireangel - you are just about as cute (that word works as a good replacement for "pretty" and "handsome:) as you can be. Your profile says you are attracted to more feminine girls.

Do other lesbians find it (meaning your style) attractive? Oh honey, you bet we do! Especially some of us femmes. I think you will have tons of girly girls crawling all over each other to get to you! And - it's great that you are such a delicious contradiction: you look girly and act/relate more on the butchy side.

Do not change one thing about yourself for anyone! Stay just exactly as you are. You are an individual; you are unique; you are precious.

Disclaimer to all: this is NOT a come on to FireAngel - I'm old enough to be her grandmother. I just think she's sweet and adorable and should be told so.

Your inner spirit rules how you project yourself :O) The blend of masculine and feminine spirits can be an inner struggle. But once you relax and let it all flow naturally, the struggle will become a solid personality and character, coming together as one beautiful expression.

There are alot of books you can read about your particular inquiry. You'll find there are many spectrums of character within the Lesbian community, just like any other culture/society. Some women will prefer more feminine spirits, others will prefer your beautiful blended spirit. It just depends, and it's like anything else in life. Some people like vanilla, others like peppermint chocolate chip!

I'm a very feminine women who totally adores the masculine spirit blend, and as Mezza pointed out, there are quite a few women out there like me! So, sit back, be yourself and get ready to enjoy a wonderful adventure in experiencing all of you and the many hearts that will skip a beat for you!

kinddyke57, Well i guess i haven't gone to that extreme i do want to do kind of extreme sports though i just have a mom who is like... You will kill yourself etc lol! so that's why i haven't but she was also raised as a boy ...I have actually thought about doing drag recently since i went to my first drag show over summer. I do wear the jeans hiking boots and depending on the weather the tanks too.
As far as the sex change.. i guess at one point i felt that I should of been born a boy... and it would make my life easier.. but then it would cause controversy if i did fall in love with someone i'd have to tell them right? not to mention i sing i don't want to lose my voice. and there is just so much that would change that I would not be able to handle and in the long run i feel i just wouldn't be happy even though i'm not now. but as everyone says im still young. To my prom i wore a tux... both times and i was happy with it.. I also have a hat fetish *looks up at my desk and see's all my hats* i love them. As far as labels i mean i know alot of people hate them... i mean i just know that's what in my generation i was raised with... and i guess how you said it put it best what i feel... I'm not really male in thought process but those things that you wrote that pertain to being with a woman.. i'm everything like that that's what i feel like all the time...as far my attractions im still attracted to the more feminine type.. i have a friend whose a stud who has a crush on me.. but i just... yea thats another long story in itself.. but you definitely put what i wanted into words real well thank you... and as for being myself... it just makes me wonder because I am all those things... but sometimes even the female society they want the ones who bag their pants... do drugs,.. treat them bad... or whatever and don't even care about them and cheat on them etc... it breaks my heart ;(

Mezzavoce,
Thank you for your kind words.... You actually made me blush even though you are older. I don't get compliments much... so when I do i like to hold onto the feeling for a while.
As far as girls crawling... meh... I don't dislike bi people but i get hurt by them alot.... i've never had a real relationship... all of them have been online. but my ex... dated me for like a month... then proceeded to tell me that she was in love with her ex bf.. who not only did not talk to her but when he did talk to her, she wouldn't talk back or even try but she was sooooo in love with him.... long story short she moved on to another deutsche bag guy... and basically told me all their problems... etc she had actually gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage which hurt even more for her to tell me.... and i felt sorry for her but at the same time i was still hurt.. becuase I wanted to get back with her and she acted like she did want me but she did a complete 360 everytime we talked about it and it made me wonder why wasn't i good enough for you to come back to me.... why did you want him who didn't even care that you were pregnant... i mean.. i'm very mature for my age which.. . in this day and time kind of sucks.... because I just want something steady for once... something that will last a while.. and once again i get the "you are young speech" and i know... but I just want that feeling of being with someone... to call your own and know they are there.... it's the best feeling in the world when you can give someone something. I know i read the other post about christmas... and once i got older my parents started working more on christmas so i spent/spend alot of them alone or i go to work to get my mind off of it.. because i don't even have anyone to talk too...I just feel that whatever I'm doing is wrong... or something because no one seems to want me... :( and it's hard sometimes i'm very passive and shy... and i wonder if that's why i get passed by ... it's like i dont want to be aggressive i dont want to force someone to love me...
thanks again for the compliments

MsTeri,
I guess i am sort of a blend. I hardly have girly moments but i don't mind them. I'm just the kind of person who will go with her to her favorite store even if it means me holding all the clothes she's going to trying on and buying them XD giving her my jacket when she's cold, holding her hand all the stuff a "man" IS SUPPOSED to do but hardly does. I haven't thought about reading books though it is a good idea. and as i said before i enjoy being myself... it's just hard .. when my friends who are also younger are with people and i'm still single... because i choose not to sit there and give myself to anyone like my friend i mentioned earlier.. she says she wants a relationship but she does all these sexual things with other women.... and then wonder's why the girl she liked had sex with another woman while she was there.... that's just not me.... I want a relationship and maybe that's old fashion but i mean... when i had my first relationship i was so happy to call someone my own even if it was online.... but now i want something real something tangible... someone to actually try with... :( but it seems like all my friends are finding people :( and i just wondered is it my masculininty.... is not good enough does no one want a romantic anymore?

im kinda like you, but opposite. haha.. i look more butchy but not total, just guy clothes, yet i tend to b more girly, just no make up or dresses. i like my hair short, but not to short, like maybe 4-9inches long or somthing...never messured it to be honest. well heres a sample, its a inch below my shoulders and its wayyyyyy to long. but a normal 1-3inces short cut is to short.... tho ... fun to play with XD... buzz cuts intresting prickly hair is intresting for some reason... but gets boreing after awhile.... but im babbling.. im haveing a tendency of doing that a lot latly. sowwiez.

but im like that *points up* sooooooo why would you b any different from me? id say its normal sense theres all different kinds of people out there regardless if your lez straight or bi or transgenders or nething else. *shruggs shoulders* lol

Tlw: indeed... it's just so hard to really find yourself.... i've never worn make up in my life.. EVER! i'd rather not seeing as sometimes it hurts more than helps. i like the girly dress type.... i mean.. sometimes i think far into the future.. but i see a marriage... and I'm wearing a tux... .and she's wearing a dress... i mean thats just me... i only wear them when im forced too and i like long hair on a girl... i just know sometimes alot of the femmes i see with butches the butches have short hair...

yeah with in the past like 3 years iv worn dresses 2x, once was over shirt n pants just cuz i was forced to, then my friend had a mascarade bday party for her 18th bday party and yeah... e_e.. blah. haha. im inbetween with relationships. like, i find both femmes n butches attractive, it depends on like... the face shape i guess. lol.and smiles and eyes... amongst a quite a few other things XD.
tho i think its easy... if they have an amazing smiles and eyes that go with it theyve won me... XD well, unless their jerks. but im on the tetter totter, iv been more the man in the relationship, AND more of the girl. i dont like ether. i like it down the middle. cuz it seems like if im more manly and take care of them to much weight is on me and i panic (which isnt good, and im working on it....) and if im more girly, im to pampered (i dont mind it, but there are times where i feel inferrior and blah)



iv worn make up.... my cousin took me to the mall and begged me to put make up on... haha i refused untill like 15 mins in XD meh, it suffocates my face it feels like x_x *pats my cheeks with my hands* plus its to high matnence. lol

corse the only other make up id wear for fun is halloween makeup things. XD just dress in a costume and fool around... XD

I like pampering but if the girl wants to pay for stuff here and there that is fine with me... but i love pampering my gilrfriend... even though like i said before i've never had a physical relationship with a girl. Halloween is my favorite.. . i can guess like a guy and never get dirty looks.... One year i was phantom of the opera... this year i was a soldier and then next year i want to do a tuxedo mask/masquerade type thing.... i think it would be great.... i never liked makeup just because i feel i look fine without it...girly moments are rare... there's been one guy in my life that can pull them out in me but other wise i'm pretty manish... as a romnantic

lol guess i should say online things.... iv never had a physical relationship with a girl in real life. im to scared to for now. i know im not ready. haha but it would b nice to at least b held everyonce in awhile @_@ meh, oh well.

if nething i don consider to b a femme or a butch all in all. im like a puppy. i know when im in trouble if i am, and im serious untill i get the go to not b. then im just playful.... and im there to listen to people even if my advice sucks or i turn into a babbler or turn into completly self centered.... haha (which im sorry bout doing that....)


and phantom of the opra.... i havent seen the newer one in ages, and iv never seen the older one. i usually stick to animals XD tiger cat type thing....i was charmeleon from pokemon one year i think in like 1st grade... XD i liked my tail. *pets it*
i also liked the fangs.. but the past 6 years or so they were hurting my gums cuz i now have real natural fangs which are do to them being ingrown and i gotta get one baby tooth pulled on one side then my teeth would b better but im scared to death... iv been to the dentest once in my life and that was a year ago... no cavitys.. woot for meh. but things getting yanked from my head isnt a plesent thought x.x



*zips mouth as i realize im thinking outloud on here*

your thinking is fine.. trust me it's a forum i asked a question might as well talk others get insight.. it helps... also as for dentist... i had 6 cavities.. i almost cried because i went to the dentist a year ago and my dentist said i had no problems just a few spots.... and i went this year and they were like OH you have one close to a root canal.. so i sitll have some that need to be filled and a cleaning over christmas break from college could be worse

i have to have cavitys by now, (not that i want them) but like... i got outta high school and my scheduled life went poof, @_@ i dont like it, i have no sense in time nemore. luckyyyyyyy i just applied for college a few days ago and did a plasment test and like got college lvl in reading and sentence thingys and... like.... meh on math. gotta do algebra basics 1 and 2, then intermediate 1 and 2. THEN the other math thats required. x_x grrrr i hate math. it doesnt like to work in my head. i need to play more stratigy games... i find playing those type increase my mental thinking to the point where i gotta devide my mind to different points and magicly come up with the answers... like the tycoon games (zoo tycoon, rollar coaster tycoon, mall tycoon.... ec t.) but not really those. i cheat a lot. well, with roller coaster tycoon, zoo tycon i like never played mall tycoon. butttt i like rpg games... like persona 3 for ps2. XD or pokemon games well, use to. im burnt out now. persona is more to my point tho. i gotta think of different things different ways. money lvling up whos who, ec t. i need more and better rpg games.... i like zelda as well.... its more of a puzzle and hidden msg/rymn like game..... or somthing *shruggs shoulder* or im to dence to figure out the ledgon of zelda..tho iv won 3 diff zelda games. haha...i feel like im sounding like a gamer now... o.O where was i....

ummmm college.... yeah, well. thats another thing im scared about cuz i havent had good school experience but i know id do ok... maybe.

but hmm...i wish xmas would hurry up and get here! haha well new years, we are having our xmas on new years. but i know what im getting and its making me antsy and drooly... im dying... hahahahaha. i love to write and draw anime and random things on the comp. and im getting a drawing tablet and sense the beginning of this year sense i found out they exsisted iv been wanting one so badly and think they are the greatest invention on earthfor computer art! MWHAHAHAHHAHA so i got caught up. like i said... im wanting it badly and i know where its residing right now and its like... so close yet so far away *paws at it* temptation and me arnt good, temptation wins a lot of the time. haha...