i think... idk... im like you. tho ..... on a much smalllllller scale

Mine is different. I felt attracted to women only physically as a toddler. Then as I got a little older as a child I think I liked gentle younger women better than men. As time rolled on I found that my physical attr. was mostly towards women. Emotionally I am split both ways. Some aspects of women that I like better than men and vice versa. I would say that you were bisexual but now you are more into women. Bi's can be attr. to both then switch for a while to one or the other. You prefer women. I would say you are bi but almost lesbian. Who cares about labels, just go with your heart and right now your heart is calling out for women. You need to have a gentle sweet talk with your husband. I would gently tell him what is going on with you in a loving, kind way. Tell him he is terrific but you have a situation going on.

Torm...You are a prodigy of curiosity. A curiosity that has been going on for some time now. I love your approach.. careful, insightful and openly seeking an answer to your own personal fears. You are truly giving your complex situation some very clear thought and I *high five* you.....Big Time :O)

All that aside...

In my humble opinion, there is a natural pendulum that is genetic and historical. Women are the most open, natural, insightful gender on Earth. We're born this way.. Is it the Estrogen.. IDK....we're simply a profound product of pure nature. The Life Givers. If we were born with a strong will and soul, we will live by it. If we were born into restriction, prejudice, abuse and ignorance..we will wait for the strength to live in authencity.

Our deep emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual connection to bonding with women is complex and there is no real reason for us to feel inferior or unnatural. Our natural orientation hidden in fear along with societies neandrathal restrictions are in fact our excuse not to live our lives as our true self.

Torm honey. Come into yourself. Once and for all. Happy New Year!! Make 2011 the year that you finally find the strength to be You and jump into the change that your heart, mind and soul has been strugglng with in 2010.

You Rock and I am always here for you..
But get ON WITH IT GIRL. Live your life to the fullest.
*wink
((long hug))

I was born a lesbian

I am 500% sure I was born lesbian. Always crushes on girls growing up. When I was in the concrete thinking stage of a child, I always "pretended" to be a boy because, in that concrete thinking, you HAD to be a boy to like girls "that way". After I got older and out of the concrete thinking, I realized I could, indeed, be a female and love other females and that was that sans one ridiculous moment in which I tried to play the society role. .... *shudder* ...it was horrible. lol

As always Ms Teri, I love your replies. The more I think about it, I truly believe I burried my true self out of fear. My parents were abusive, prejudice(not just with gay people but other races as well) and ignorant. So much to the point that having a relationship with them became too painful, so I no longer have contact. And as you mentioned society doesn't make things any easier either.
yes, I love the connection with women. It is way different than with a man emotionally. I want to come out, but as I said fear hurting my husband. Despite the way I feel, I do love him and care about what happens to him.
I had to laugh at your curiousity comment, my mind is non stop! I over analyze EVERYTHING! Thank you Ms Teri
Come on girls! lets get more responses !

I know as far as I am concerned I was born this way. I think I've always known, even when I was younger I was so attracted to & drawn to the athletic butch type woman. I can remember my mom having a friend who was & I was totally consumed by her.
It was not until i was older, that I actually acknowledged it.

I think for women it is much harder to discover their sexual orientation, or maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. I say this because society puts women into roles at a very young age in a way that women really have no voice or identity without a man. As a result I think many women tend to be living a life that is expected of them instead of truly living a life that is them. As a result they don't really have an understanding or acceptance to even identify if they are gay or not. I think it's after a women evolves to becoming and living a life that is truly her own, her decision, her ownership that then her sexual identity is understood. This explains why there are a lot of lesbians that were once married to a man and later in life come out and look back in their life and say, "i didn't really identify as a lesbian but now it all makes sense."

Perhaps this is the same for a man but because I am a woman I am generalizing.

I have this sort of back and forth issue, and I think I've finally identified what it is exactly. I think that I was born a lesbian, my mom raised me to be very open and loving and she raised me without constrictions or any 'typical ideas' on how to live my life. In fact my mother had a girlfriend for most of my life (they didn't stay together but she is still my mommy #2 and I dont know who I would be today had it not been for her...), so to me that was normal. I had a gf in 1st grade, her name was Mandy and she looked SO MUCH like me that you would have thought we were sisters (til you found us giving eachother little kid pecks and kisses under the bleachers that is). I didn't start this confusion that I've had going on until I got to an age where I started watching movies, listening to more mainstream music, paying attention to tv, reading magazines...I didn't have any confusion as to what I liked until I started seeing that what I liked was wrong, until I started noticing that the way it was 'supposed to be' was males and females, grow up, get married and have babies...I never even thought of anything but a female until I hit that age where you start being concerned about what people think of you and what your life will be like if you dont just give in and follow the 'normal' path that everyone pushes on you from the very beginning of your life.
I've been back and forth on men and women for a few years now...But I find that the only time I'm questioning myself, my wants, my needs and my thoughts, is when I am single...When I am looking around and all I see is the 'normal' relationship; man and woman. But when I am with a woman all I want is to be with her and there isn't a doubt in my mind as to what I want...As to what I am...
So maybe your just having trouble determining what you want because you've spent so much time boxed into the steriotypical idea of what your life should be that you sortof...lost the side of you that you most identify with...
idk, I think I sort of veered off topic, but its a thought and its kindof how I relate to your issue.
Really hope all works out for you honey, you deserve the best :)

I tried to live the 'normal' life, of being with a man. I do like men. But seeing them naked really did nothing for me. Then I had my first experience with a woman, and I just love their bodies so much more. I have to say it is Nature and not Nuture.

The experts think our sexuality is determined by age 2. I think a lot of lesbian women have repressed their true sexuality - for various societal reasons. Some never come to terms with it, some never come out. And I think that is so poignant. I cannot imagine living my life repressing my true sexuality. It wouldn't be living - it would be simply existing. I cannot imagine anything more sad.

Coming out and being proud of who you/we are has become easier over the last few decades but it is still fraught with angst for a lot of people. I fervently hope that this next generation (and all subsequent ones) have an easier time of it with respect to living true and authentic lives.

there are some really great replies here. some good insight.That's true, I hadn't thought about how much girls from such a young age are tought that you're supposed to meet your handsome prince, get married, take HIS name(another part of giving up our identity)have babies and be the care giver, nuturer of your children and husband. In most cases parents never ask their children "do you like girls or do you like boys?" That means not too many people are really "thinking" about their orientation from a young age, or just naturally falling into what they feel good with.So it is no wonder that there are so many people, and from my understanding this happens more with women than men (which now makes more sense to me) people who get married and later find they are not being true to who they are, their true sexual orientation.
Yeah I agree, I hope in the very near future people will truly learn that people love who they love. That when it comes to loving someone, if two people are happy together, respect eachother, treat eachother good and are enjoying eachothers company it shouldn't matter if it's man/woman, man/man, or woman/woman.
If more people could think this way, it would save a lot of people a lot of heartache.
and mezzavoce, you're right it IS very SAD living life repressing who you realy are.

My partner has just left her husband of 19 yrs to be with me. I was engaged to a man for 6 years. We both tried to be hetrosexual to please others, we always knew in our gut that we were lesbians, but spent a lot of time burying those feelings.

Reflect a bit more back on your relationships... not just with men, think about your friendships with women, what made them special, were you MORE into your best girlfriends than they were with you? etc... did you have crushes the same as your school friends did with guys?

This is a more confronting one... if you watched porn... who were you watching? the guy or girl?

These are the hints we have left behind... pick them up... play with them in your mind... dont rush it... the evidence will be there for you to find... and for you to decide upon.

Most of all.... does it matter if you were born lesbian or not? Whats wrong with choosing to switch? I implore you to fall in love with a person, and not their physicality... take into account attraction, because all relationships blossom with attraction... but be who you want to be first... and love whoever comes into your path, when the time comes for you to be who you want to be.

i had crushes on girls while growing up but didnt realise what was goin on.. i got depression when i was 16 and accepted proposal of marriage of a guy who liked me. it was after that that i realised i was gay!!! stayed in the relationshi[p for 4 miserable yrs till i cudnt take it anymore n opted out!! i think im slightly bisexual coz i occasionally get attracted to men but mostly attracted to women n can emotionally connect (as in a romantic relationship) with only a woman tho i can be best of buddies with a guy.... well thats me!

I think I was born a lesbian, when I was in elementary school i was experimenting with a girl in the girls bathroom at school. I never said anything about my feelings because I was the pasters daughter. I didnt come out until I was married. I never fully enjoyed the physical side with men (always thought please hurry up lol). I got a divorce and never looked back.