Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

1,315 Members

4,919 Posts

0 Online

deleted_user 12/30/2010

This is all kind of new to me. In previous posts I've mentioned that growing up I had crushes or attractions to girls and eventually wondered what it would be like to have sex with a woman. I never took any of that seriously, I don't know if it was because of fear of my parents knowing how hateful and against gay people they were/are. Or because I also felt attracted to boys, I dated guys and fell in love with a couple of them. I married one, here I am 13 years later, but now my attraction to women is stronger than ever. I am no longer attracted to men,at all, including my husband. It's sad, and it's not fair to him. But I can't control the way this happened. Anyway I still haven't come out to him, his depression is still to severe, I just can't kick him while he's down. I'm starting to think I've been a lesbian all along and either didn't fully recognize it being brought up that it is "wrong". Or maybe just ignoring it, I'm not sure, I'm trying to figure it out. I do know I've never been completely comfortable with men.
So the question is do you think you were born a lesbian? Or do you think over time you changed your sexual orientation? I know there have been hundreds of studies and debates over the years, but I want YOUR personal gut feeling on it.

deleted_user 01/03/2011

I was born lesbian ...i knew from small child hood friends, crushes etc that my world was consumed by women, and interestly enough i rem playing barbies and taking her and cutting her hair off short and dressing her in kens clothes and she had a jeep i called her my dyke=-doll. as i got older was into track field, bking, weight lifting, played basketball swimming team,,, very athletic,,, thus the world saw me as athletic tom boy, (sigh), then going across town w my allowance to buy clothes at the boys dept,,,then crushes on female women, i was 16 she was 26, firs lesbian i knew, watched her every move, was her paper girl. (how ironic),,,,,, she said hi and i tripped,,,,,,, more info then anyone wanted but def always lesbian,,,,,,, Kd

Thelonewolf 01/03/2011

haha well that was intresing KD.... o.o, not really to m,uch info but intresting enough XD....
i dont think it has to do with a single thing tho be it nature gynes back ground.... not a single one but all of them... just how you grow up and what you see, how you feel, when you hear. how you look at things everything adds to it. life is not that black and white. wish it was... but its not e.e

dreamsicle 01/30/2011

I got married at the ripe old age of 17 to a 21 year old guy that I worked with and liked, but did not love. I married him to escape my abusive mother. I told him before I married him that I was NOT in love with him, he just said it will be alright. For 11 years is was ok. I NEVER enjoyed physical intimacy with him. When I came out and left him he was very hurt, however now 24 years later we are and have been good friends for many years. As to your question my spouse says she was born a lesbian, I think I was too. Either way I am happy so happy to be a lesbian.

deleted_user 01/30/2011

I did like girls growing up, but I don't understand the big deal with sexual/physical/emotional attraction being tied to genitalia. I prefer to think of people as whole people.

But, all of my bs aside, I was born with a liking for the ladies. Or at least, before I hit puberty, I knew.

Lilith11 02/01/2011

I know that I was born lesbian.... but to try to be the person that my family thought I should be, get married have a family. The house with the white picked fence, the dreams of others. I was not true to myself. I should have never married, I think it was a sort of punishment of some kind.
All I can say now is stay true to who you are. The feelings you have are generally the one that is true. Not saying that there could be some confusion by some. Where curiosity is in the mix. But, you will probably end up with the womyn winning your heart and mind.

Peace to all of you. Stay true to yourself. Love yourself more than any other being, because at the end you will always have to live with yourselves and the decisions that you have made.
Hugs!
Altheia

btw, I have beautiful children bio and adopted that I love. I have sons that I love so I am not a man hater.

BeautifulLie 02/01/2011

I really don't know if people are born gay/lesbian or they just become. I think for some people they are born that way and some just become with time with life experiences and the way they are raised and all that stuff. People that "become" gay or lesbian don't do it willingly or chose it, it's just one of those steps of identification of a person that changes with time. People change and realize things at different stages in their lives.
I think I became a lesbian with time. I don't think I was born this way. As for when I "became" a lesbian, I have no clue. I only realized it at the age of 12-13. I did have little crushes on guys in my teen years but maybe I was just kidding myself and trying to be like the norm. I tried to date men but just couldn't get the same connection, comfort and passion I experience with women. Someone could probably argue with me and say that you are born that way but I personally believe it is just what I became as a person as I grew up and how I experienced life.

deleted_user 02/02/2011

I knew since I can remember that I was attracted to women. For MANY years I overcompensated by being in any relationship with any man I could, a few years ago I allowed myself to begin dating women and while no real relationships developed I felt I was honestly myself for the first time. I still tend to prefer men but having recently come out to my family and long having been out to my friends I began to understand it's more of a sliding scale than definitive categories. Once you feel your husband can handle it, I'd recommend talking to him about your desires-start slow as he sounds kind of fragile but if he loves you he will eventually understand that you are not saying or doing anything to hurt him but that you are finally saying "I deserve to be wholly myself and happy in life." it certainly is not an easy situation but there are no rules that say you can't change an grow as a person throughout life. I wish you all the best on your road to finding yourself:)

jessicamullinax 02/06/2011

I believe your born that way! and its heredity. My dad is gay and my mom is bi and im a lesbian so i firmly believe that

deleted_user 02/07/2011

I was born bisexual, though it was years before I felt comfortable enough to share this. I personally believe sexuality is one of the things in life that's on a sliding scale. On one end you have definitively straight, go a little further and you have straight but curious, etc etc until you reach definitively gay:) In a perfect world there'd be no judgements about where anyone falls on the "scale." As sexuality is between the people being intimate, ultimately it's no one else's business-but sure is interesting to discuss!

deleted_user 02/07/2011

OMG!!! I am in the same situation as you.....would LOVE to chat sometime? My personal gut feeling for MY situation is that I was/should have been gay but like you, stuffed it down because of environmental/social/parental pressures. I can't give you my gut feeling regarding YOUR situation but we could talk about it.

Join the Conversation