I am also very super sensitive to perceived rejections and hurts. My husband reacts to these as if eh is being criticized and jumps in and gets mean and rude to me. This accentuates my feelings of unlovability. I do get on his nerves and act needy when he calls in love because I keep doubting him and myself.
Although I am not asking questions, I am feeling things like comparison and mistrust. And sabotaging my own relationship happiness and feeding his negative patterns.

Think about your favourite shoes, the comfy ones, your walking around in them, and you've got your comfy clothes on too.
Now put on some new shoes and new clothes and walk around in those. Feels very different right?
When you've spent a lifetime being one thing and then you try and change, its feels odd because your not in your comfort zone.
This new person is not recognised. You have to stick with it and wear the new person in. All comfy shoes started out as new shoes!

well it looks like Hubby is going through withdrawal too. Now that I am not asking ( i completed about 10 days of no jealousy and 5 straight days of no questions...one or two small ones here and there were let pass by hubby). It has brought up some grief and changes in me. I am more independent and less needy and needing reassurance. I may also be relating to him a little less or emotionally withdrawing from him as I am changing how I relate to him The fact that I also became independent with my own car seems to have triggered some insecurity in him. He seem to attract needy people or people and plays a role of being a hero or caretaker. Now that I am taking more responsibility for myself, he seems to be feeling rejected; as then he would have to drop his roles of 'being there', reassuring and 'fixing' me. He used to feel victimized by my jealousy although I argued that there are other elements to our relationship that could be more healthy. Now that I am not being jealous, we still have fights over irritation stress and perceived rejection.
He often projects control onto me even when I am not controlling. Now that I am letting go more and more, it seems to be frightening hi. That there is nobody that cares about where he went, whom he spoke to etc.I guess my jealousy did make him feel special. Or he might be healing from the trauma of being under my pat questioning etc. He seems to have difficulty being responsible for himself while I tend to watch further into things an take charge/control. Now that I am a little more independent, I do feel a little afraid that I am not playing the drama that attracted him an he may/may not work on his side. But I would not go back to jealousy. I hope he will look into his role and heal/evolve. Has anybody experienced that in a partner while we were giving up jealousy and trust instead? My partner likes to have set rules/roles and told what to do and then would blow up badly explosively because he feels told what to do!! He is afraid of being perfect and any rejection/disapproval. I am trying t be an equal and responsible partner and have decided boundaries. He has difficulty asking for what he needs.
I am still not comfortable watching movies with him and decided to watch one 'normal movie' with him with non-animation s I heal slowly. He seems more comfortable shutting it all off and feeling safe in my neediness than when I grow and evolve. He seems to not be able to project his neediness on me and feels rejected and getting angry with me. At the same time, although I am not acting out jealously, somehow letting go is opening me to loss and the idea of it and I am feeling depressed. Maybe its grief of my wounding from the past that we tend to avoid by being controlling and jealous. Hubby perceives this as being threatening too an tries to be patronizing by saying...O OK I understand you are healing, in way that suggests its all my fault and I am always the sick one. Now that I am being less of a sick one, he is at odds in being able to take responsibility for himself be an equal partner to me. He seems to want to put me in the 'sick person who needs him" category. Me becoming independent with my inner changes seems to be frightening hi. I have lost relationships in the past when I grew up an evolved.
I feel afraid of a similar thing. I cannot control other people though.
Any advice welcome.

I feel the same, this independence seems to come along with more indifference, withdrawal.
Less affection. As if trying to save myself I eliminate all the feelings.
After reading my bf's chit -chat in skype with the girls he promised to visit, I can't feel the same. I feel the world became black and white. I walk through the streets without noticing how beautiful everything around me.
Isn't it a part of growing up? I told my bf that I had been a girl before I read those lines in skype, but he made me a woman.
Maybe, that is obligatory for every woman to endure? When you get to understand you are not the only one for the man, and you will never be. Loosing this feeling of being exclusive is a transition from a girl into a woman?

Every once in a while go by him and let him know directly that you still want hi even though you are healing. Show affection when you can but don't take it all away at once....and/or ask for his help on a project in the house.....something not regarding jealousy but shows he's still needed as a man in your life....that's all I have :-). I don't know if it will help

I found that it was asserting my independence that broke what had become a vicious cycle in my marriage a few years ago. The short version is I thought he was too close to other women, he like helping out 'needy ones' (it must appeal to his inner caveman), I was nagging and questioning his relationships with them, it made being at home uncomfortable for him so he withdrew and restoring communication seemed impossible.

I had given up to be honest so I took a job in another country for six months, turned out that was the best thing I could have done, he started making an effort to communicate again and at the end of the six months when I came back home we were staring on a clean sheet and knew neither of us was there because we needed robe but because we wanted to be. He found my strength and independence attractive and what made me 'wife material'.

So I guess what I am saying is stick with it and you will turn things around but it will take time.

Although that being said the reason I am here is fueled by the resurfacing of the green syed monster...

thanks for the suggestios...yes the dynamics have changed a bit. I just had him take responsibility for some of his behaviours that are often hurtful to me and I am getting more comfortable in my own skin and independece. Its getting better as I am much calmer and we both have more respect for each other now.
He is being suportive of my J and we are both healing.
I do let him know that I need him...although I am feeling a little afraid being 'dependent' versus 'independent' and taht probably hurt him a little as I probably was being a little disconnected.
I ams till going through finding my own strength and ebing interdependent with him. Yet we keep shifting evey once in a while.
I am less clingy and more independent and enjoy him as a freind and am working on staying open to him wthout becoming jealous or dependent.
He is doing his best now and workig on his issues.
thanks a lot.

for lea 111 I feel that there may be numbness and not not ebing able to enjoy things in life is not necessarily a healthy sign o me. As I am getting more independent I am actually enjoying things more music, my own interests and even the love.
If your bf is chatting with some girls he promised to visist, for reaons taht may be platonic or not I don't know, you may want to talk to him about it. Becoming numb and resigning to be Ok with everything may not be teh healthies choice...maybe you must ask himto explain hismelf aor take you with him if he is going to visit friends etc...