As i explained in your other thread, i'm back at being that child in an instant when i'm triggered.
My counsellor taught me to separate myself into 2. The child i was and the me now with all i know. I listen to the child and the child cries and tells me what is upsetting her so much. I talk to the child as the adult i am now. I am the mum i should have had. I find i can be so much kinder to myself as a child than an adult.

We all do it don't we as women, we go in the changing room and try something on and there we are saying horrible things to ourselves and putting ourself down. If a friend tried on something we wouldn't say to them "your bum looks fat in that, look at your stomach sticking out, you look awful in that, that doesn't suit you at all" We have to stop being so cruel to ourself!

Thanks for the advice. I am doing more inner child work now and trying to see myself as both a child that I am and the adult that I am and become my own ally and support. I am also doing some meditation of going back to re-experience the childhood for about 15 minutes a day so the feelings and resolution can come through. I am becoming more aware of how I judge myself and am being kinder with myself.

Reassurance is the key. You need to know that you are still the most special to him and that he is not more interested in some other girl. You need a sense of security that he will not leave you or be with someone else. Flowers, kind words and just taking time out to be with you and show you that you are special is the best thing he can do. It doesn't need to be a night out/date night, even a night at home just wrapped in each other's arms and focused on the two or you is sometimes the best thing for a couple.

For every Jealousy-free ay I get myself some yummy hot drink as a treat:0 I do have thoughts questions and fears. Yet I wait and try not to ask them an have trust or heal whats inside and feel it. So now I have had a couple of days (although not in a row). Husband promised me a treat for a set number of days that are jealousy-free as a reward too:) I rewards myself for each j-free day as my personal accomplishment and self-love:) I am my own champion!

I take a bit of a different approach. I try to remind myself that ultimately nothing she does can hurt me if I don't let it. It's up to me to decide how I react. If she does a foolish or hurtful thing, that's on her. Her actions, whatever they may be, are beyond my control. Even if it means I find out something bad and I decide to leave. Those are my choices.

Of course, all this easier said than done! Good luck!

Finished my first jealousy free 5 days and got a treat from hubby too!!
I do have tons of thoughts and they are leading me to childhood pain as I refrain from asking questions...if i ask one or two small questions he lets it pass....mostly there are no questions at all...:)

What a great husband you have! ~ Mine will NOT reassure me and has angrily stated so . . . in addition to his hurtful comments about how STUPID I am. :'-(

He refuses to do anything but hurl meanness my way ~ and who could blame him? I am very sick with this jealously thing. I have been ever since my first boyfriend ever cheated on me all the time. Sometimes we'd be out at our favorite hangout and he'd be kissing/making out with some chick right behind my back. I'd turn around and there they'd be making out like fools. He was extremely jealous with me, but only because he knew what he was doing!

Anyway~ CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU on our five days free!

I hope to get HEALED AND HEALTHY AND WHOLE in this ugly area of my life ~ and SOOOOON. He keeps reminding me that I'm "50" and that I should grow up and not act like a child anymore. :'-(

Hi congnitive
If you have been hurt in the past and are jealous now, its not really helpful for our husband to blame you and be mean.
Thats his part. The fact that he disrespects you in general may be adding to your insecurity. Please don't take blame on yourself. And don't judge yourself for having your difficulties as you work on yourrelf. It is helpful to have a loving environment while you heal.

I really like the idea of "talking" to your inner child. Most of these issues do stem from some earlier event(s) that happened in our lives. I haven't quite found mine although I know my general insecurities with myself obviously result in jealous behavior, and my insecurities I believe stemmed from my relationship with my mother. I like Empathy66's share on stopping in that moment and really listening to that child, then talking to them kindly to work through the issue. It is hard to freeze the moment when it happens though would be my hardship. I do have a great husband who doesn't act or say anything that ever encourages my jealously - very frustrating since the trigger is never him re-acting to something on TV or looking at another girl, etc. Today's another day. Always another day.