I remember you being worried about this topic last year and i fully understand the anxiety it causes.
Interestingly a person complained in the local paper this week about some shop manikins that were dressed in underwear saying that it was inappropriate where children were concerned.
I very much doubt this came from a jealous insecure person, just someone with a stronger sense of morals about how they would like their world to be.
luckily for me, my other half doesn't like crowded beaches so we tend to go early and leave before it fills up, plus a lovely walk at the end of the day when most pple have packed up for the day.
BUT... i have come across a person bathing topless on a beach where they shouldn't have been doing that, and it messed me up that day, i'm ashamed to admit a bit of self harming followed.

A beach is for families to enjoy, for everyone to enjoy, i dont see it that way, that by going there with my other half that i'm allowing him to have a good look.
I remind myself that his thoughts are his own and he's entitled to think what he likes, i just hope i fall in there amongst the space somewhere! lol
Are you serious? Your on a crowded beach full of women and you think that there are plenty of women with their partner's who probably don't even bother about this?
Let me tell you now all women check out other women and think along the lines of " look at her figure" And feel insecure about the way they look, it might be a brief thought for some and a self harming trigger for others, but ALL women feel under pressure these days, if they didnt, plastic surgery would not be on the increase!
Its got its comical side to it if you think about it, men are looking at women and women are looking at women, there was a survey recently that women spend more time checking out other women that checking out other men.
Pples bodies come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, instead of concentrating on the perfect ones around you, which is what you doing, try seeking out the not so perfect, or divert your thoughts to the smells and the sounds and the colours and all the other things around you. Practice, it takes time but it can be done, this is from the person who self harmed that day.

Thanks empathy
My problem isnt usually about comparing myself and have been OK on beaches without my partner. My prooblem is how HE might see them and when Im on a beach BY MYSELF and I see someone I think HE would find this person attractive and I have problem with Any idea that my partner finds anyone but me attractive. I cant stand that thought. And I cant stand taht with women showing off their naked skin...doesnt matter what standards of beauty...I dont't have the same idea of perfect bodies as generally found. Yet the fact that HE might prefer a certain type looking woman etc and that women showing off skin attracts attention in a sexual way or to admire...THATS intolerable.
Yes there might be people telling me to 'just get over it' or that this is too much etc. Yet this is very very sensitive for me.
Its not about a crowded beach, if we even saw ONE woman dressed scantily it would throw me off.
Of course today my intensity is MUCH lesser and am able to handle it much better.
There are certain things I can tolerate today although its not pleasant, like a woman clad in shirts etc.
I grew up where women dressed modestly...I still do. Its already a shock to see women wearing clothes that reveal extensive cleavage. Sexuality is considers very sacred and worshipped even in the home I grew up in and meant for a special someone only.
Although I don't assume others must do things in a certain way, the increased skin exposure compared to what Im used to, the sexualization...makes me very triggered.
Im doing much better now with the summers...its hot...yet more women seem to wear thread shirts and tiny shorts than men go shirtless or wearing small shorts...atleast thats what bothers me!!
I am more calm around public areas and trust my husband more today.
Yet none of this reflects on me. Thats hard for me.
A beach with any shape or size of woman would not bother me if I'm by myself. I don't really even agree with being thin or anything and Im actually quite attractive looking and I do think my body looks good. I did even try a two piece. I definitely loooked good and unfortunatley had some attantion from a man. It made me more suspicious about what men do at beaches! Anyways I also felt very exposed and inappropriately attired in a public place...so Im cool with enjoying the waters in my clothes and let others enjoy. If it were a woman's sauna or a woman's beach and people lloked all like the MOST gorgeous things i the world, its fine by me. I wouldnt care as much.
But if my husband is around and even a woman not too physically appealing according to me walked by and was showing much skin or seemed even slightly appealing that would hurt me very very greatly.
I guess HIS opinion, feelings and perception seems to DEFINE me and my self worth.
At that point my world starts sinking I feel small, I can no longer feel that my husband likes me or finds me attarctive, I feel absolutely replaced and Dead inside.
I shut down emotionally and back away from him atleast emotionally. Whether I act it our or not, I no longer feel worthy or lovable I no longer believe he loves me or wants to be with me...I get that he loves me and stillwants to be with me more now.....but I do feel rejected and found less than the other person...atleast I feel that he prefers that other woman OVER me and is with me because he loves me but does not find me to be the best or the most appealing...that he gave away some 'love/attemtion/attraction/approval' juice to someone else.
I guess maybe his approval of me being worty...and when someoen else comes by they are the ones getting his approval or stamp of worth coz they are more beautiful or took away his attention ...or he would want to give attention but makes an effort to focus on me or not to get distracted.
Im just thinking aloud.
Basically, him finding anyone else attractive even for a second brings my world crumbling down.
It seems to mean that Im not good enough anymore...not for him nor for myself...not for anybody.

Don't call me crazy and say get over it. Im just stating how it is and what happens to get some clarity.

I would never call you crazy, ive been where you are and i get how you feel. Ive felt that way too and it has led me to the point of self harm, so i fully understand where your coming from and yes i know that just one incident in a whole day can ruin it.
I also never thought i would get over it, but what has happened is that i still have issues, but my head is in a much better place and i dont have the feeling of the all consuming anxiety that i did have. I describe it like.. its more like a wasp sting than a thousand wasp stings.
This could be the case for you, you would still have your issues but at least you would enjoy time at the beach with your guy.
Your in control mode, i was there, you cant control what he finds attractive and not attractive, its like saying to him you can like salt and vinegar crisps but not cheese and onion because i hate cheese and onion.
The place where you want to be at is.. I would prefer it if you didnt like cheese and onion crisps, but if you do it doesn't make my choice's any less worthwhile. Do you see what i'm trying to say?
I'm guessing you never saw your parents in a state of undress either, that probably also has an impact of what you learned as you grew up.
I'm wondering who's attention you lost while you was growing up, making you feel you weren't good enough, because its from then that you gone on to strive to be good enough in the eyes of others, your husband to be exact, you have unintentionally given him the power to your self worth and value, only YOU should have this power!

I can relate to several things you wrote in your post. Yes the wasp analogy works good. Also the other things about self worth and value.
And the thing about seeing undress...it was more of not seeing them publicly in a state of undress and even so...
I guess I was hoping t hear that men don't really get attracted to women since they are showing off skin at a beach...and all that nudity is not really sexual; either for the men of the women.

However, the main thing is the thing about self value and letting his assumed perceptions define my lovability and worth.
I really really am very grateful for the book suggested " Overcoming jealousy'' by Windy Dryden. I use it as reference for my daily JA meeting. The meetings have helped reduce the intensity a lot.
Having a more healthy way to deal with what I cant really control; be it my wounding, or my husband's perceptions or the cultural differences and changes that make things challenging for me.
Thanks.

Maybe I was also aiming to see if really the exposed skin is perceived in the same way by others who grew up seeing it. So its not really that attractive to them as threatening to me? Or that the values are different. Like maybe since a man who has grown up seeing people in his family wear two piece etc when he goes to a beach it does not stand out to him as a large group of semi naked women titilating his visions/perceptions...maybe to him its more normal and nudity does not make him feel lust for the women...its not like soft porn in real life as it appears to me. And so he may not be seeing it the way that I feel threatened by...
Of course I would want to work on my self worth but it helps to know that sometimes our projected fears are not really true.
When I make any analogy between a strip club and a beach, it seems to not be that way for others. A beach is still a family place even though women are dressed in bare minimums. And so I assume the men see it that way too?
So its not like men who grew up going to beaches would see it as a ''free show''.
Maybe I'm overanalyzing things trying to play with slightly less painful ways to view th situation and get another persoective.
I guess the women thene are more upset about how their own bodies look in comparison to other women but not really that much concenred with their husbands getting to see the semi-naked bodies of other women. Or feel attracted. I guess its a tolerance thing and the meaning I associate to his potential attraction and titilation versus what another woman might consider it to be. And what I may consider acceptable for a marriage...some women are fine with their husbands watching porn. I know its not acceptable for me morally. But a beach is a sticky situation. I don't feel its really a godo thing to expose onself to titilation...like going to hooters or strip clubs...but a beach may be seen differently by people who grew up with it...versus for me a beach is akin to a strip club and I cant accept putting myself with my husband in places where its outright titilation all over ...
So I am guessing that its not seen the same way...I am hoping that maybe the men see a women in a tow piece at a beach in a different light than a woman on a cover of a magazine( which are often bikini models)
We don't go to beaches yet although I love the water. I have a hard time balancing the risk a place like that poses to the integrity of my marriage and my values versus being able to be out and enjoy the ocean.

Its a lot of things in there...I was sharing the various thoughts...
however thanks for your post. Its right on dot for several things.

Well i grew up with old fashioned parents, i rarely saw them in underwear, i never saw them naked, so i can see why that has got something to do with the reason why i'm not comfortable with public nudity.
My other half grew up the very same situation as me, but he doesnt have a problem with it at all. He likes art and would think nothing of a nude art class. Same upbringing but different results, i guess a lot of other factors come in to play with our development.
Alot of your questions really need answers from men and as i'm not a man hard to answer, but a women on a magazine wearing a bikini is very different from a women at the beach in a bikini, to me anyway.
I mean she's normally in some pose and photo shopped to hell and the whole message of the mags intention is to say "Give it to me, i love sex, i'm horny etc... But on a beach totally different.

Hi flyinangel :) I normally don't like going to the beach, and will only go if I'm having a stress free day, because I've noticed that if I'm under a lot of stress I get jealous easier.

Anyway to answer your question about how do I handle the idea of my bf being around other women that are half naked. I go on days when there will be some people but not packed like in the summer, or I pick beaches that have less people, so that I can have distance between myself and others, so there are less "distractions" and I don't like crowds anyways.

I grew up here in San Diego, CA. I live near Oceanside, so I grew up around people walking around in bathing suits and I do wear 2 pieces at the beach, so I see the activity of going to the beach in a 2 piece as harmless, or rather innocent, Even though I know it's innocent I still do get jealous.

My main way of handling going to the beach is to be active and have fun. I go to the beach to "play" in the water not to lay down and ''tan" like a lot of people. For me personally if I'm sitting down doing nothing I start worrying, if my bf and I are playing in the water together he's giving me attention, so I feel good and my mind is busy. If we got tired of "doing things" like "playing" or walking around together and just enjoying our time together as a family then I would tell him I'm ready to go. I wouldn't be cool with sitting there watching everyone.

men like to look at beautiful things. If your man was checking out beautiful cars or art work would that make you mad or insecure? Beautiful women are no different. Its as benign as a guy seeing a hot corvette. Then it drives off and he forgets about it.

i wrote something similar to this today 3/16/2014, I hope you will read it and give your opinion, it's called, bombshells, big boobs and pinups or something like that I can't remember, I'm getting old! lol.

I totally agree with you I am the same way. I like the way you say things though, it's very sweet. You sound like your dealing with it, when you do, let me know the secret. My problem is the same as yours and I will go one bigger as to say, I get mad at my fiance staring at women on the tv. It drives him crazy, but it's true and it really does tick me off.

I get mad, I don't get sad, and I don't feel like my whole self worth is wrapped up in his opinion of that other woman. It just pisses me off. I do feel betrayed I don't think he should be looking, but he will. All men will. Unfortunately, that's how it is.

I wish it weren't this way, I wish we could atleast go back to the days when girls wouldn't walk around with half their chest showing. Sometimes I will go to grocery stores and see women walking around half naked, and I have to ask myself, what is she really doing?

Whatever happened to women getting mens attention by just being a lady and talking. How did it come to be the way it is?