Sadly this is 1 of those days when i'm feeling about as un-positive as i could be. Ive been suffering along time, some days i'm jealous as hell, others its more controlled. I cant offer you anything positive, all i can do is say i know how you feel, and your not alone with this jealousy thing, that is soul destroying at times. Ive read a couple of books and some info on the net, but for some reason its not worked. Thats not to say that it wont for you, so look on amazon books and type in jealousy and google it, there's info on it out there, you might find something that helps you. best of luck.

Hi bluemoon, I just responded to your other post, where you got through the night. Good for you. As for advice on how to deal, things work differently for different people. And sometimes, when you're in a mood like Miss Green said (and we ALL get there...sometimes I feel like it will never end) it's hard for anything at all to work. Keep writing on here, and red old posts, other people's advice. We are all suffering from this nasty trait...and some days I feel really good about the way I handle things, and sometimes I even feel like I'm finally free of the horrible paranoia that takes over. And than the next day I'm back at square one. I go to therapy, I'm on meds, I'm bi-polar. I'm hopeful that one day life will be easy for me. Realistically though, I will probably have to work hard at this for the rest of my life. I drive my boyfriend nuts sometimes, and although things have been better recently, I know that we will not survive another blowup.

Its so hard, and I know I'm rambling, but my opinion is that it has alot to do with control. We can't let go of the control long enough to just trust that everything will work out as it should. Logically, I know that I can trust my boyfriend...so why do I flip out everytime he looks/talks/GLANCES at another chick??

I don't know...we have to keep working at it, breathe deeply, and let go of the reigns a bit...good luck, we all know how you feel, so keep writing!!

The fact that you have reached out for help indicates to me that you are willing to at least try. For years I ignored these detrimental feelings and brought a few very good men to their knees - completely destroying them and of course the relationship.

I'm new to this too, but I've noticed over the past few days that this website has been not only a COMFORT to me but an outlet for negative thoughts and feelings.

Here's a few things that ARE working for me (and hey since we're both new maybe we can do this together!) :

AT HOME -

1.) When I feel the urge to 'snoop' I tell myself that I'm only looking for a fight, a reason to feel bad, or proof that my feelings are justified and that reminder makes me 'sane' again. Then I preoccupy my mind - you wouldn't believe how CLEAN my house is!

2.) When I see him on the phone or on the computer it triggers my insecurities so I offer a suggestion for something we can do that we BOTH enjoy - We love to cook, so that time becomes our time.

IN PUBLIC (This is extremely difficult for me) -

1.) Before I go out I take time to do my hair, my makeup, and wear something that makes ME feel confident. He hates my hair up I LOVE my hair up so I wear my hair up. I leave knowing that I'm beautiful.

2.) When we go out I pray for a male waiter or a waitress that is inferior in attractiveness to me but that's not always the case. I've discovered and smiling, having a short witty dialect with the server, and keeping the mood upbeat shows my fiance that I'm a CONFIDENT woman. Although it's just an act for now - it makes us both feel comfortable.

3.) We own an event planning business so we're forced into full eye contact, compassionate, loving conversation with EVERYONE we meet. Knowing that he will have to have this type of interface with women KILLS me. I'm still searching for a way to 'get over it.' Last night I tried something that seemed to work - I avoided eye contact with him. If I knew he was standing near the bar I found a conversation away from the bar. I didn't follow him around all night attempting to cut off any conversation that made ME uncomfortable. At one point I went out to my car did a breathing exercise than came back in with a renewed since of confidence.

You'll notice that I'm using diversion techniques :0) The reason I'm trying this out is because it's my constant OBSESSIVE techniques that are creating the paranoia.

Hopefully these might work for you! GOOD LUCK and know that I'm here for you!

Great advise Onestepatatime...
I had a terrible weekend, he lied to me and of course I caught him cause he's a horrible liar. Nothing major, but a lie nonetheless, and I gave him 3 chances to tell the truth and he didn't. It escalated from there, and although we made amends over the weekend, I still feel horrible about the whole thing. And we're planning a vacation to Cuba a couple of weeks, and I just found out that most resorts have topless beaches. I've convinced myself I can handle others in their bathing suits, but topless? I'll die. Now I don't know what to do. This is a shitty shitty day.

Why do they do that? 1 silly lie and it makes us so much worse. I would rather he told the truth no matter how hurtful, than lie and try to spare my feelings. If they think that lying will save them the grief, they must know that once the truth is out, the grief is even bigger.

if i found out it had a topless beach, i'd refuse to go. This summer we happened upon a nice quite beach and walking back to the car there was a woman sunbathing topless, in this country we have beaches for that and this wasnt one of them. I spotted her and i told him to look the other way, he promised me he didnt see her, as he was looking elsewhere, but that didnt make me feel any better.

I know, both situations stink. The lying and the beaches...stinks. Apparently in Cuba the topless beaches are seperate, but you get the dd straggler. I just feel so trapped! Like my mind is a jail that I can't break free from..here he is, wanting to go on vacation with me, and instead of being excited to get away, relax and enjoy the sun, I'm worried about who and what he might or might not see. Insane. I feel like I belong in a padded room.

Yeah, i could do with some time in a padded room! I could just scream and scream my head off, and get it out my system!

try these

http://www.dailystrength.org/health_blogs/julie-cohen/article/don-t-let-your-insecurities-ruin-your-relationship

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Jealousy/forum/10901921-im-learning
good luck