I've been on this website on and off for a few years and I don't think I've ever started a post. I feel like I need to now though, because I have come a long way, and it saddens me to read the posts on here and understand completely how people feel.

I used to be the jealous girlfriend. Horribly jealous. I wouldn't allow him to watch porn, to look at girls, to communicate with his ex (who he has a daughter with) via text - I controlled everything that I could in the relationship and it became a full-time job. My thoughts at work were consumed with what he was doing at that very moment. Who he was looking at. If he was wishing I looked like her. It was literally insane the amount of time I put into my jealousy. Checking his phone constantly, emails, internet history. Not being able to go to bars or clubs with him for fear of better looking women being around. Not leaving him in the house alone because I was afraid he would watch porn.

It was awful

And than one day it dawned on me that the only person I can truly control is myself. I was wasting so much time and energy on trying to control him, and fooling myself into beleiving that I actually was controlling him. But I really wasn't at all. I wasn't living my life for me, it was all for him. Everything I did was based on his reaction/action/viewpoint. I wasn't having fun and going out because I was afraid. I wasn't enjoying my time with him because I was accusatory...always wondering what he was doing behind my back.

The moment I gave up control and began doing things in my life for me, and only me, our relationship changed. I stopped drinking (I would drink every night just to escape), I started walking & working out, I started enjoying life more. He is now putty at my feet. Literally. The strength I have in myself now, has translated into confidence and independence to him, and it's attractive. That's all your man/woman wants - a confident, happy partner.

At the end of the day, if your partner chooses to leave/cheat/lie, etc, you will be left standing alone. That's the bottom line. You have to be ok alone before you can be ok in a relationship. You have to know that being together isn't life or death. You absolutely must work on yourself and your confidence FIRST before anything will ever get better in your relationship. You must stop relying on your partner for your happiness. YOU are in control of your happiness, and your life. Please believe me...fake it till you feel it if you have to, but your life will change when you change. He will change. And you will be so much better because of it.

I can't stress to you enough how FREEING it feels to just live my life, not caring about where he is and what he is doing, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and is doing no wrong. And if by some awful chance he does do something wrong, well than it's his loss, because I'm a damn good catch. More importantly, my life will go on. He isn't my life.

I do have jealous thoughts every now and than, but the difference with these thoughts now is that they pass right on through. They don't linger. I don't obsess. It is what it is and I can't control what others will or won't do. That's it. I have made a promise to be happy and enjoy each day - life is so short, don't waste any more time being like this. Free your mind from the jail cell that you have trapped it in.

I promise you that I created a life of hell for myself for years, and I dug my way out of it. My old posts are proof...check them out. You can do it too.

I hope this post helps someone. I'm here if anyone needs to talk.