Awww..
You sound like you're writing about me! I know exactly how you feel, and it's awful. I can't go anywhere with him anymore - definitely not any clubs or parties. House parties with only a few people are ok, and a local pub isn't too bad.

I accuse my sister-in-law all the time of flirting with my boyfriend. And she's married to my brother! ANY female that is talking to him, in my eyes, is flirting, or he is flirting with them...and plain and simple, IT SUCKS.

It's fanatastic though that you have a supportive husband, be thankful for that. And don't be so hard on yourself when you have a set-back. We all do.

Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great, and than I mess up and it feels like I have to start all over again. I think what we have to remember is that as longas they see us REALLY trying, than we shouldn't beat ourselves up over any "mess-ups".

Keep moving forward, you sound like you're doing great. And one day you're going to go out with him, have a fabulous time, and come home only to realize that you didn't even notice the other people around you..that it was just you & him having a great time.

You should check out my group "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff In Love". It's a great book and I post chapters on there daily.

Good luck, and keep up the GREAT work!

wow, lk
you've made me cry tears of joy to see these words. i am very lucky to have him. actually i have a lot of great support, from my close friends and family. i can even talk to his mother about all my issues and she totally understands and gives me wisdom. But i think i needed to come here and talk about it with people who actually know how i feel and it's wonderful.
i know that i have been so lucky throughout my whole life but there's been some bad things that have happened too. even through knowing all this i still can never seem to justify the way i feel. i sooo need some balance!
but i will try and remember what you've said, that i need to acknowledge my efforts :) thank you a million times!

Your welcome :)
Keep in mind though that those of us who are jealous for "no reason" are usually not very happy with ourselves. For some reason or another we have low-self esteem, we self-loathe, we don't feel we deserve a partner as great as what we have, and we are often sitting & waiting for them to leave us. So we try and catch them doing something first, so we can say "aha! I KNEW you were going to (fill in the blank..leave me, flirt with her, like her better...).

We have to stop worrying, we have to remind ourselves that we ARE worth it..and that's why they are with us.

Love yourself, and everthing else will fall into place :)

That is too true, we can't stop abusing ourselves. I just really hope I can make these changes in myself before it is too late. I really love my husband so much and I always will even if we're not together. I hope that you are doing well in your efforts too :)
p.s. thanks for "friending" me!

when you realy really REALLLLY want to make the change, you will. My bf left me on October 8th, but only for the day because I literally begged for him to come back. He was done with me, he had made up his mind. That was my wake-up call. I don't want to lose him. So that shook me up enough to realize that I MUST change. Good luck, I know you will be fine :)

i'm glad that you are back together again. i had an enlightenment happen to me recently! My husband got extremely upset at me the other day and it wasn't about a jealousy situation but i think that because of all these times i have gotten mad at him, this anger in him has built up. He really just needed to blow his top. He was really mean about it but there were a lot of things he said about me that i could agree with, he just put it all so harshly. Like telling me my brain is so small that although he has told me certain things time and time again it takes something big, like his rant, to get it through my skull. But it truly had some kind of positive effect. The next night we were at our friends house and normally, even with our good friends I tend to find some kind of action of situation that really bothers me, like when i think my husband and best friend are flirting and getting along too well. But this night somehow i was able to see past all the little things and the b.s. and just enjoy the moment and have fun. I mean this is some ground breaking stuff for me. I managed to reason through the usual thoughts of jealousy or isolation and just be and laugh and talk. I was able to step back and see the whole situation and not just focus on one thing like what my husband is doing but also see my friends saying "hey, isnt it your wife's turn to be picked on" or basically 'turn to get some attention'. and if i didn't feel like worrying about it i would go talk to someone else and create my own atmosphere. it was a really good feeling to get home and like you said, just realize i had a great time and that is all! i just really hope i can continue to apply all this and keep remembering to live in the moment. for me the enlightened times are often led astray and i don't want to let it happen so easily.

thats amazing!! sooo happy to hear! forgive the short message, had surgery on my right arm can only type with left but i am very very happy for you!! keep it up!!!

wow, surgery is intense! hope recovery is doing well and thanks for all your great support :)

i have to admit i am struggling after that night. i rode the "high" of feeling accomplished for as long as i could but thoughts and worries have returned. i am doing alright in reasoning with myself though and am s till trying to implement positive thoughts amidst the wondering and worrying...

I'm back :)
Have you been doing any better? I have been doing a little better with my bf, not checking his phone, etc, but now he has said that basically because of everything I have put him through over the last few years, he isn't happy. He said that he is happy for me that I have been doing much better, but he isn't sure how he feels. He said he loves me, but is very down & depressed right now. I get it. I'm sure he is very resentful for what I have put him through. I think he is planning on going to a club saturday night, and despite my accomplishments, this will still kill me. I can't handle him going to a club right now without me. So we'll see what happens. But no matter what, I feel stronger, and better about myself - so if god forbid the worst does happen, i will be heartbroken, but I will not allow my world to fall apart.

it's great to see you back! :)
i think i've still been progressing...ever so slowly, but progressing still. and it really sounds like you have been as well, congrats!
i understand that you think he has resentment for you for being jealous. i have sensed that in my husband too. but it also seems like they are strong people in themselves and have endured, enough to still be with us. i don't think they would be if they didn't care.
it kind of sounds like your man is depressed more with his own issues than yours. so i guess all you can do is keep up with the good work and be there for him. maybe do a little something extra for him, like bake cookies! (or whatever he likes)
as for him going to the club, i know i would be wonderin' a little the whole time, but if there is ANYTHING you can do to keep your mind off it, that would be the best thing. maybe get together with a friend that night and do something that is fun for you and know that he loves and cares for you and is just going out to be out and have fun and get rid of some of his stress.
i hope it all goes great!

I truly hope he doesn't go. I think I may have heard him telling someone last night that he isn't going, but I'm not sure exactly if that is what he was talking about. That's funny that you mentioned the cookies, because I had my daughter help me bake them since my arm is still in a sling and I only have my left hand to work with. I am doing everything possible to avoid a confrontation. Last night he was pretty nasty to me, and I ignored him and watched tv, enjoying my night. Later he came up to me, kissing me all over my face asking me what's wrong. I guess that was his way of showing me that he knew he was wrong for his comments. I'm hanging in there, hoping for the best. I hope it passes. I'm dreading Xmas because it sounds like he wants to just stay home alone, and I'm not sure I can do the family dinners without him - I know people will constantly be asking me where he is, so that would suck. I'm so glad to hear things are going better with you...and I'm so happy I have people like you & everyone on this site to talk to for support. I don't think I would be this far along without DS. :)

It's good that you were able to ignore him when he was being nasty, that is the hardest thing for me to do! In fact for me it is reversed, my husband is the one who can look past what i am doing and saying and go on with his night or whatever. While whenever he gets mad i me, i either explode or simmer and quietly cry all night. And both of us aren't good at just saying we're sorry, it comes out as something subconscious or inadvertent, but it's sorry all the same i guess.
I know you are worried about him going out. My husband has asked to go to the bar after work about three times this month already. I was fine with him going except for one night I let my brain think too much and was getting these ideas like 'what if he is really meeting someone there or going somewhere other than the bar and not telling me?'. But somehow i managed to let it go because after i thought about it, it just seemed ridiculous because he wouldn't lie to me about it. If he did something wrong he's the kind of person to just come out and say it.
I just got a little paranoid is all. At this certain bar there was this girl bartender whom he and all his buddies really liked but she left for another job. One time i saw a text from her saying there was a goodbye party at her house and that she 'hoped he could come'. It got me a lil pissed but then i realized that he didn't even have her number saved and had no intention of going.
Being without you partner on the holidays would definitely be hard, but that saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder is true. This summer when my husband and i had our worst fights i left a couple times to go see my parents and then to see his mom. And even right after i left i would miss him, but knew it was best for us to have time alone to think or just be. Then when i would get back we would realize how much we missed each other.
So maybe it will be good for you two to be apart just for a little while and if anyone asks you can just tell them the truth, you need time apart and that's it.
HOpefully this helps!

i m a new user of this site..i have been reading all your posts and wondering how can be the problems so similar? have u ever think of y all the posts here posted by females? i have found that we spend so much of our time on thinking our relationships because we care. its not that, our partners do not care about us or do not consider the relationship so important, to keep on thinking about it. they just let things go.. i m in a relationship with a guy for about 1year and i had,to some xtent i still have the problem inside me. we had serious fight over these issues sevaral times..and i found this to be pointless..coz they dont understand how bad we feel while doing the act..initially they try to support..but after having it sevaral times they just lose patients and left us considering to be mean minded and nothing more..they dont even bother if this jealousy comes out of luv..so it is u, who hav to do smthing abt it..i can share my xperience..i m a student working part time in a multinational and my BF is also doing the same..i used to feel so bad watching him talking to other female colleagues..i reacted over these issues and these situations lead me to lose his all respect for me. and respect is very vital in any relationship..so being jealous and expressing it, was not working. and i just can not say my BF to not to talk with any girl coz i kno even i have to talk to guys for my work purpose..then i started ignoring..and trust me it worked.. i was doing better with my problems nd now when i see him talking to other females i just go and join..this make my BF to have the feeling that i m with him being a friend..i am not saying i m over this problem totally but doing much much better..if we keep on being possesive over our BF, this will let them hiding things from us which is the last thing we want.
i have studied a bit about jealousy and related issues..lets just assume our partners are flirting with some1 infront of us or stairing at some1 really sexy lady wearing almost nothing..so what? trust me thay wont like us flirting with men or wearing almost nothing and thats y we are their partners..guys tend to be attrackted by beautiful ladies just as we like to see handsome hunks :p so it is not a big deal. and talking nicely with someone else does not mean that he became all her's..
as i was saying in the beginning, y we think abt these things so much? we shud keep ourself busy and shud not lose our self esteem and shud keep in mind that if for any reason, we lose our partner..he will also lose us, will lose a caring, loving wife or GF..
take care..

thanks for sharing! it's true, all these things you say about ignoring or joining in on the situation really does help. It is something i am really trying to work on and it has been getting better for me. i am glad that you have been able to reason with yourself in knowing that when your bf talks to other girls that it doesn't mean he wants them or has intense feelings for them. sometimes i find it hard to comvince myself of this when i think i see it happening. welcome to our group and thanks for your support :)