Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
Seems like I can never go out into a social situation without eventually feeling jealous over my husband and something or someone else. Very frustrating!(For both of us, I know) He is a wonderful man, I am most positive that I never have to worry about him straying or doing anything like that that would hurt me.
We're both pretty social but I would say him more than I since I have all these annoying hang-ups. So I think when I see him with some other woman having fun it bothers me and makes me think he is enjoying their company way more than he could ever enjoy mine. I get so conflicted. I know that how I act is hard on him too and I want him to be able to have fun and good times because he deserves it. But at the same time I remember that I've never been good with sharing certain things that mean a lot to me.
It happens a lot too. Lately I know I've been trying harder but than I'll get jealous and it feels like I'm making no progress. It happens when we're in big crowds or even when it's just us and our friends. It even got to the point where I got jealous of him and my best friend! They weren't even doing anything just laughing and talking and in my jealous mind it felt like they were really hitting it off.
The last incident was Halloween of course. I was so excited all day and told myself to just have fun and not worry about anything, even though I knew there would be a bunch of sexy ladies running around wearing nothing. And all was well until later in the night when I let the green eye monster take over for a minute and I felt so bad I made a comment to my husband and a friend about some thing like 'why don't you just go off together' and walked away. She came after me and listened to me rant. She was supportive. Then I decided I should just go home and I think that was the best idea.-
I apologized the next day to him and he said he was getting used to it. That made me feel so bad, because its true. He is sticking by me in all this and letting me just do my jealous thing because he loves me and knows I have a problem, yet i STILL do it!!!!!. I know the reason I get this way is because I don't feel confident enough in myself, it is nothing to do with him really. I have always had the worst self-esteem and it effects all these people that I love. And that night it started to feel like i was the ugliest thing walking the town. He was having all this fun with these cute little costumed girls and i felt like shit. Really immature of me but the feelings are so real.
We're both pretty social but I would say him more than I since I have all these annoying hang-ups. So I think when I see him with some other woman having fun it bothers me and makes me think he is enjoying their company way more than he could ever enjoy mine. I get so conflicted. I know that how I act is hard on him too and I want him to be able to have fun and good times because he deserves it. But at the same time I remember that I've never been good with sharing certain things that mean a lot to me.
It happens a lot too. Lately I know I've been trying harder but than I'll get jealous and it feels like I'm making no progress. It happens when we're in big crowds or even when it's just us and our friends. It even got to the point where I got jealous of him and my best friend! They weren't even doing anything just laughing and talking and in my jealous mind it felt like they were really hitting it off.
The last incident was Halloween of course. I was so excited all day and told myself to just have fun and not worry about anything, even though I knew there would be a bunch of sexy ladies running around wearing nothing. And all was well until later in the night when I let the green eye monster take over for a minute and I felt so bad I made a comment to my husband and a friend about some thing like 'why don't you just go off together' and walked away. She came after me and listened to me rant. She was supportive. Then I decided I should just go home and I think that was the best idea.-
I apologized the next day to him and he said he was getting used to it. That made me feel so bad, because its true. He is sticking by me in all this and letting me just do my jealous thing because he loves me and knows I have a problem, yet i STILL do it!!!!!. I know the reason I get this way is because I don't feel confident enough in myself, it is nothing to do with him really. I have always had the worst self-esteem and it effects all these people that I love. And that night it started to feel like i was the ugliest thing walking the town. He was having all this fun with these cute little costumed girls and i felt like shit. Really immature of me but the feelings are so real.
You sound like you're writing about me! I know exactly how you feel, and it's awful. I can't go anywhere with him anymore - definitely not any clubs or parties. House parties with only a few people are ok, and a local pub isn't too bad.
I accuse my sister-in-law all the time of flirting with my boyfriend. And she's married to my brother! ANY female that is talking to him, in my eyes, is flirting, or he is flirting with them...and plain and simple, IT SUCKS.
It's fanatastic though that you have a supportive husband, be thankful for that. And don't be so hard on yourself when you have a set-back. We all do.
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great, and than I mess up and it feels like I have to start all over again. I think what we have to remember is that as longas they see us REALLY trying, than we shouldn't beat ourselves up over any "mess-ups".
Keep moving forward, you sound like you're doing great. And one day you're going to go out with him, have a fabulous time, and come home only to realize that you didn't even notice the other people around you..that it was just you & him having a great time.
You should check out my group "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff In Love". It's a great book and I post chapters on there daily.
Good luck, and keep up the GREAT work!
you've made me cry tears of joy to see these words. i am very lucky to have him. actually i have a lot of great support, from my close friends and family. i can even talk to his mother about all my issues and she totally understands and gives me wisdom. But i think i needed to come here and talk about it with people who actually know how i feel and it's wonderful.
i know that i have been so lucky throughout my whole life but there's been some bad things that have happened too. even through knowing all this i still can never seem to justify the way i feel. i sooo need some balance!
but i will try and remember what you've said, that i need to acknowledge my efforts :) thank you a million times!
Keep in mind though that those of us who are jealous for "no reason" are usually not very happy with ourselves. For some reason or another we have low-self esteem, we self-loathe, we don't feel we deserve a partner as great as what we have, and we are often sitting & waiting for them to leave us. So we try and catch them doing something first, so we can say "aha! I KNEW you were going to (fill in the blank..leave me, flirt with her, like her better...).
We have to stop worrying, we have to remind ourselves that we ARE worth it..and that's why they are with us.
Love yourself, and everthing else will fall into place :)
p.s. thanks for "friending" me!
Have you been doing any better? I have been doing a little better with my bf, not checking his phone, etc, but now he has said that basically because of everything I have put him through over the last few years, he isn't happy. He said that he is happy for me that I have been doing much better, but he isn't sure how he feels. He said he loves me, but is very down & depressed right now. I get it. I'm sure he is very resentful for what I have put him through. I think he is planning on going to a club saturday night, and despite my accomplishments, this will still kill me. I can't handle him going to a club right now without me. So we'll see what happens. But no matter what, I feel stronger, and better about myself - so if god forbid the worst does happen, i will be heartbroken, but I will not allow my world to fall apart.
i think i've still been progressing...ever so slowly, but progressing still. and it really sounds like you have been as well, congrats!
i understand that you think he has resentment for you for being jealous. i have sensed that in my husband too. but it also seems like they are strong people in themselves and have endured, enough to still be with us. i don't think they would be if they didn't care.
it kind of sounds like your man is depressed more with his own issues than yours. so i guess all you can do is keep up with the good work and be there for him. maybe do a little something extra for him, like bake cookies! (or whatever he likes)
as for him going to the club, i know i would be wonderin' a little the whole time, but if there is ANYTHING you can do to keep your mind off it, that would be the best thing. maybe get together with a friend that night and do something that is fun for you and know that he loves and cares for you and is just going out to be out and have fun and get rid of some of his stress.
i hope it all goes great!
I know you are worried about him going out. My husband has asked to go to the bar after work about three times this month already. I was fine with him going except for one night I let my brain think too much and was getting these ideas like 'what if he is really meeting someone there or going somewhere other than the bar and not telling me?'. But somehow i managed to let it go because after i thought about it, it just seemed ridiculous because he wouldn't lie to me about it. If he did something wrong he's the kind of person to just come out and say it.
I just got a little paranoid is all. At this certain bar there was this girl bartender whom he and all his buddies really liked but she left for another job. One time i saw a text from her saying there was a goodbye party at her house and that she 'hoped he could come'. It got me a lil pissed but then i realized that he didn't even have her number saved and had no intention of going.
Being without you partner on the holidays would definitely be hard, but that saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder is true. This summer when my husband and i had our worst fights i left a couple times to go see my parents and then to see his mom. And even right after i left i would miss him, but knew it was best for us to have time alone to think or just be. Then when i would get back we would realize how much we missed each other.
So maybe it will be good for you two to be apart just for a little while and if anyone asks you can just tell them the truth, you need time apart and that's it.
HOpefully this helps!
i have studied a bit about jealousy and related issues..lets just assume our partners are flirting with some1 infront of us or stairing at some1 really sexy lady wearing almost nothing..so what? trust me thay wont like us flirting with men or wearing almost nothing and thats y we are their partners..guys tend to be attrackted by beautiful ladies just as we like to see handsome hunks :p so it is not a big deal. and talking nicely with someone else does not mean that he became all her's..
as i was saying in the beginning, y we think abt these things so much? we shud keep ourself busy and shud not lose our self esteem and shud keep in mind that if for any reason, we lose our partner..he will also lose us, will lose a caring, loving wife or GF..
take care..