IVF with Donor Eggs or Donor Embryos Community Group
Support and advice for those who need to use Donor Eggs, Donor Embryos, or Donor Eggs/Embryos with a Gestational Carrier for infertility treatment. Welcome all at every stage of this journey to Motherhood.
Hi Ladies!!
I'm struggling in dealing with the fact that I even have to go down the DE route to conceive! I am very fortunate that I have wonderful IVF benefits through my work (4 attempts) but they don't cover DE IVF! MY DH and I do not have the cash saved up nor can we afford to come up with the amount it's going to cost us to go down the DE route. We know we can take out a fertility loan but my concern is we won't qualify for it. We would need $30,000 to go with the shared-risk plan that covers 6 attempts and if after 6 trys we don't come home with a baby, we get our money back. We have debt, car payments, etc. My question to all of you is how did you afford treatments and how did you go about convincing your DH that taking on more debt is worth it for a baby? I'm avoiding the topic with my DH because I'm afraid he will say again, "We need to pay off our debt first" which will take years! I've already waited 31 years to be a Mom and I don't want to wait anymore if I don't have to. Dh knows our options, and they both cost $$$! But when is it the right time to take on such a huge debt and justify it? I can jusitfy it but not sure DH can. He stresses about money so much and I'm scared this won't happen. We are in the middle of the diagnostic testing for DE IVF and I have to figure this out soon. I completed the Mock EEP cycle, and now I'm waiting on the mock embryo transfer along with some blood tests and seeing a social worker.
I hate how afraid I am to talk to my husband about this. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How can I address this to him so that he see's how important it is and that paying off ALL our debt isn't the solution?
I'm frustrated and angry that we even have to go down this road. It doesn't seem fair and I just want to know we can and are going to do DE IVF! I like to know the when's and not knowing is killing me. Part of me wants to try with my eggs given we have 4 free attempts (Dr gave 20% chance it would work). But DH thinks it's a waste of time. Doesn't hurt to try in my opionion....only takes ONE!
Your advice and or suggestions mean a lot!!! So thank you!!!
Lauren
I'm struggling in dealing with the fact that I even have to go down the DE route to conceive! I am very fortunate that I have wonderful IVF benefits through my work (4 attempts) but they don't cover DE IVF! MY DH and I do not have the cash saved up nor can we afford to come up with the amount it's going to cost us to go down the DE route. We know we can take out a fertility loan but my concern is we won't qualify for it. We would need $30,000 to go with the shared-risk plan that covers 6 attempts and if after 6 trys we don't come home with a baby, we get our money back. We have debt, car payments, etc. My question to all of you is how did you afford treatments and how did you go about convincing your DH that taking on more debt is worth it for a baby? I'm avoiding the topic with my DH because I'm afraid he will say again, "We need to pay off our debt first" which will take years! I've already waited 31 years to be a Mom and I don't want to wait anymore if I don't have to. Dh knows our options, and they both cost $$$! But when is it the right time to take on such a huge debt and justify it? I can jusitfy it but not sure DH can. He stresses about money so much and I'm scared this won't happen. We are in the middle of the diagnostic testing for DE IVF and I have to figure this out soon. I completed the Mock EEP cycle, and now I'm waiting on the mock embryo transfer along with some blood tests and seeing a social worker.
I hate how afraid I am to talk to my husband about this. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How can I address this to him so that he see's how important it is and that paying off ALL our debt isn't the solution?
I'm frustrated and angry that we even have to go down this road. It doesn't seem fair and I just want to know we can and are going to do DE IVF! I like to know the when's and not knowing is killing me. Part of me wants to try with my eggs given we have 4 free attempts (Dr gave 20% chance it would work). But DH thinks it's a waste of time. Doesn't hurt to try in my opionion....only takes ONE!
Your advice and or suggestions mean a lot!!! So thank you!!!
Lauren
First, I'm so sorry that you are in this terribly frustrating situation. So many of us have been there.
You didn't mention why the doctors have suggested DE at 31 years old - so I'm not sure what medical factors might influence this. If I were a healthy 31 year old with no known issues that would impact a pregnancy, I personally would probably try the regular IVF at least a couple of times if it is free, just so you know you have taken advantage of every opportunity. But know that it will take a toll emotionally - so you have to be prepared.
Aside from that, I went to Europe for IVF - and now I work with other clients who also want to go. The total cost with travel was around $10,000 for a fresh donor IVF cycle. I'm happy to give you more details if/when you are interested. I have contributed a few articles about IVF overseas on Parents Via Egg Donation - you might find that information helpful in deciding if it is right for you. Follow the links under IVF Abroad on the left menu bar to read more articles on the subject. http://www.parentsviaeggdonation.org/v2/ivf_abroad.html
Wishing you the best.
Sue
I'll have to check out the website you cited. How long ago did you do the IVF overseas? What was your experience like? So it's $10,000 total for everything? How long did you have to be away for? This would be my only concern is taking the time off from work. But def worth looking into. I would love more details in how you went about this process. Giving me so more hope!!! Thanks so much!
Lauren
Thanks,
lauren
The clinic I work with has you come for about 8 - 10 days (unless you send frozen sperm in advance, then you can come for about 4 days). The extra days in between can be spent doing great sightseeing in Prague or Vienna - both gorgeous cities! The clinic is terrific - I've helped probably 100 people go there in the past year - and they even guarantee you 2 good quality embryos for transfer, otherwise you can go again for free!
The clinic itself has the same high tech equipment that my IVF clinic here in Beverly Hills had - it is clean, modern, and the staff was terrific. They use the same ASRM guidelines for donor screening that are used here in the US. You can read a lot more on our website at www.myivfalternative.com - I do the handholding and coordination for that company and I'm always happy to talk to people about this option (whether or not you use our services).
You can email me directly to set up a time for a call if you like - my email is sue at ivftraveler.com (replace the at with @).
You're right - I spoke with quite a few clinics here and the average total cost (with donor fees, testing, meds, etc.) was around $30K - $40K. I figured I could have 3 - 4 tries in Europe for the same amount of money - so I went that route instead. But each person needs to decide what is best for them.
My dh and I decided to go with a donor through our fertility clinic. This is the cheaper option than using a donor agency to select a donor. The entire process will be $19,000. We applied for a grant called 'The Miracle Fund,' and were lucky enough to qualify. The MF will pay for the IVF cycle, and mine and my dh's meds. It will NOT pay for the donor's compensation or the donor's meds, but it still brings our total down to $10,000. If you haven't already, you may want to ask around at your clinic if there is anything like that near you.
Before we knew we were getting the grant, we knew we would still go through with it. You can't put a price on your family. Good luck and baby dust to you!
I've decided that I'm done with IVF..at least for now. I've moved on to a new doctor who doesn't believe your fsh level determines whether or not you can have another or a child. She had her 4th at 36 with an fsh level of 38. My advice would be to talk to as many RE's as you can and do as much research online as you can on your own. I'm mad at myself for wasting a year listening to a dr tell me all of these awful percentages on the chances of me conceiving again. I believe I will have another child and won't allow a percentage tell me I won't.
I've recently read Inconceivable (42 yr old with fsh of 42...lowered it on her own through diet, herbs, yoga and mediation...at 43 pregnant naturally) and The Infertility Cure...both books offer a lot of hope and have helped many women who were told they would never conceive...have a baby.
I know this won't work for everyone but I think every possiblity should be exhausted by us and certainly by our doctors before we make a choice that could put us 30,000 in debt.
Have a frank and open conversation with your husband. This is something that is important to both of you. :)