IVF with Donor Eggs or Donor Embryos Community Group
Support and advice for those who need to use Donor Eggs, Donor Embryos, or Donor Eggs/Embryos with a Gestational Carrier for infertility treatment. Welcome all at every stage of this journey to Motherhood.
Hi Ladies!!
I'm struggling in dealing with the fact that I even have to go down the DE route to conceive! I am very fortunate that I have wonderful IVF benefits through my work (4 attempts) but they don't cover DE IVF! MY DH and I do not have the cash saved up nor can we afford to come up with the amount it's going to cost us to go down the DE route. We know we can take out a fertility loan but my concern is we won't qualify for it. We would need $30,000 to go with the shared-risk plan that covers 6 attempts and if after 6 trys we don't come home with a baby, we get our money back. We have debt, car payments, etc. My question to all of you is how did you afford treatments and how did you go about convincing your DH that taking on more debt is worth it for a baby? I'm avoiding the topic with my DH because I'm afraid he will say again, "We need to pay off our debt first" which will take years! I've already waited 31 years to be a Mom and I don't want to wait anymore if I don't have to. Dh knows our options, and they both cost $$$! But when is it the right time to take on such a huge debt and justify it? I can jusitfy it but not sure DH can. He stresses about money so much and I'm scared this won't happen. We are in the middle of the diagnostic testing for DE IVF and I have to figure this out soon. I completed the Mock EEP cycle, and now I'm waiting on the mock embryo transfer along with some blood tests and seeing a social worker.
I hate how afraid I am to talk to my husband about this. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How can I address this to him so that he see's how important it is and that paying off ALL our debt isn't the solution?
I'm frustrated and angry that we even have to go down this road. It doesn't seem fair and I just want to know we can and are going to do DE IVF! I like to know the when's and not knowing is killing me. Part of me wants to try with my eggs given we have 4 free attempts (Dr gave 20% chance it would work). But DH thinks it's a waste of time. Doesn't hurt to try in my opionion....only takes ONE!
Your advice and or suggestions mean a lot!!! So thank you!!!
Lauren
I'm struggling in dealing with the fact that I even have to go down the DE route to conceive! I am very fortunate that I have wonderful IVF benefits through my work (4 attempts) but they don't cover DE IVF! MY DH and I do not have the cash saved up nor can we afford to come up with the amount it's going to cost us to go down the DE route. We know we can take out a fertility loan but my concern is we won't qualify for it. We would need $30,000 to go with the shared-risk plan that covers 6 attempts and if after 6 trys we don't come home with a baby, we get our money back. We have debt, car payments, etc. My question to all of you is how did you afford treatments and how did you go about convincing your DH that taking on more debt is worth it for a baby? I'm avoiding the topic with my DH because I'm afraid he will say again, "We need to pay off our debt first" which will take years! I've already waited 31 years to be a Mom and I don't want to wait anymore if I don't have to. Dh knows our options, and they both cost $$$! But when is it the right time to take on such a huge debt and justify it? I can jusitfy it but not sure DH can. He stresses about money so much and I'm scared this won't happen. We are in the middle of the diagnostic testing for DE IVF and I have to figure this out soon. I completed the Mock EEP cycle, and now I'm waiting on the mock embryo transfer along with some blood tests and seeing a social worker.
I hate how afraid I am to talk to my husband about this. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How can I address this to him so that he see's how important it is and that paying off ALL our debt isn't the solution?
I'm frustrated and angry that we even have to go down this road. It doesn't seem fair and I just want to know we can and are going to do DE IVF! I like to know the when's and not knowing is killing me. Part of me wants to try with my eggs given we have 4 free attempts (Dr gave 20% chance it would work). But DH thinks it's a waste of time. Doesn't hurt to try in my opionion....only takes ONE!
Your advice and or suggestions mean a lot!!! So thank you!!!
Lauren
Remember IVF is a tax deduction and look into a loan from the 401K the interest maybe a lot cheaper mine is 4.5% over 5 years also I checked and the interest of taking out a 401k in NOT tax deductible for medical just an FYI
I agree with Johnifer's comments. I have no benefits coverage for IVF, just did round 3 (first two with my own eggs, this one DE) and I'm pregant. I spent so much time thinking about the money - - where would I get it, how would I pay it back, was I crazy to spend what little we have.
A friend of mine just went through her 4th cycle (lucky duck, her insurance covers up to three IVFs). She has one DS and is now pregnant again. Her own eggs at 33 yrs old with severely diminished ovarian reserve. You are right, it only takes one, and my friend is living proof.
For me, I couldnt take the chance, because this time truly is my last time (both age-wise for me and willingness to go into further debt). But no matter what happens (and I'm in really early stage of pregnancy - 5 weeks), I will NEVER regret spending/borrowing that money (which I borrowed from my parents). I've never been one to borrow money or live in debt, but this is one reason I can get behind.
Is there anyone close to you (family perhaps) that you could take a personal loan out with? Also, do you have a 401K you can borrow against? I understand these are last resorts, but it seems you would completely get pregnant if you just had good egg quality (clearly that was my problem).
I sooooo understand the anger and frustration, particularly at your young age. Lots of things to work through, and I hope you have some counseling about the whole DE piece, because it is hard to let go of the idea of having YOUR biological child. But I can tell you now that I'm pregnant, I'm no longer fixated on that part, or the money. If having a child is what you want, you will not regret finding the money somewhere. I wish you and your DH all the blessings in the world.