Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

Yes I need someone to talk to

bw52
bw52

Hello all. I recently found out that my wife had an affair. It is kind of devistating. Here is my story....I recently moved to Atlanta. i left with the thought that I would come down here, set up house and wait for my family to come on down. I am a foster parent and my wife stayed behind to wait out the adoption. three days before I closed on the house I bought for my family, she flew down here and had sex with someone in Atlanta while i was at work. She even came to my job for lunch IMMEDIATELY after she had sex. I found out that she had been sexting him for a while. I also found out that she has been sexting a couple of people for a while. She has a self esteem issue and used the compliments she got from the sexting to boost it. I have decided that I am going to stay with her. Yes, she has lied so much to me since then that I may never trust her again. Yes, she has done the "trickle truth" where i find out something on Monday, spend Tuesday getting over it just to find something else out on Wednesday that she denied on Monday. And yes, there is a HUGE part of me that thinks I am the biggest idiot in the world for staying with her. We have read one of the books that helps with infidelity and read it together. She is putting forth some serious effort to make it right. No, I am still not getting flowers and gifts and yes I am bummed out about it.....LOL. The last chapter of the book dealt with the betrayed and told us to reflect on what we contributed to the cheating situation. I have done that and accepted that as well. 


So, after reading all of this you might be thinking "why is he here? he seems to be fine and everything is working out." Well that is just not true. I am still having mega issues. I am having panic attacks and still my mind keeps racing. I have still don't believe her and I am still not letting her out of my sight. I am still going to have to deal with this when she finally comes here to Atlanta. I am still having trouble sleeping. I have stopped the visions of the actual sex act but I am having issues with the other sexting with the other guys. Yes, I have cussed her out, cried, gone from wanting a divorce to wanting to stay to wanting to time away to needing her right by my side. I am different in that I never stopped having or craving sex with her. 


So, I am here looking for support. I chose to stay and I am going to struggle with that decision. So, any advice anyone can give is highly appreciated. 

bw52
bw52
Forwardmotion.....Yes i too hope that she can look back and feel bewildered. From what she tells me a lot these days, she definitely regrets what she did. and trust me, you are not alone on your outside look thing. my wife complained all the time about everything. i couldn't understand why she would complain and what she had to complain about. she would complain about being a working mother but i was and still am the principle care giver to all of the kids. and yes, my wife has lost a lot of the freedom she had. to be honest, that is the thing i am worried about right now. i actually believe her when she says she isn't going to do this again (she has done a lot to back that statement up). but the freedom she once had as far as the relationship is totally gone. at least it is if she still wants to stay married. yes, i have to do A LOT of adjusting. I am a homebody by nature and she is more of go "outer" if you will. I am going to have to adjust and be more gregarious and go places. i can't just lock her in my basement but i am not in a mental state to sit at home wondering what and WHO she is doing. so i am going to have to go. so i totally understand what you are saying there.
ToughGoing
ToughGoing
Re: Atlanta: Don't know if I can be of much help - mostly just to say you are not alone, as you might gather from the majority of the situations listed here. My wife was unfaithful to me the second year of our marriage. I was not satisfying her physically and the setting involved military deployment so the other fellow was married but understandably "needy". He was the nicest and very respected fellow. I learned later that they had even discussed tutoring me, but decided I might not go along with the idea.

I did not learn of the situation for probably 10+ years later, by my wife's confession after we attended a Christian "Conference". It wasn't easy to get over, but being (Evangelical) Christians, my wife was praying for me and God gave me the grace to forgive her, which is God's command, but that is not to say I have total forgotten. I still at times wonder how I could have been or be a better husband in that regard,

However. God was/is graceful and this next anniversary will be our 50th! If you want more dialogue, ask me;I am open to that.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Smell a troll.
Trulysorry
Trulysorry
I am on the other side of the spectrum when it comes to this. I had an affair and told him about it in Aug '18. The affair happened a few months prior. I think that if you love her it was the right thing to do in staying with her. Although my situation is a bit different it is very similar in many ways. We are working on it very hard. We started out with couples counseling which he does not want to go back. I have individual counseling that I feel like I need. I have wanted nothing more than to make this go away. but I know that it will not. So I can only be open and honest with him from now on and I have. He wants to believe me and trust me but he doesn't and I totally understand that. He keeps tabs on me and if I go somewhere out of the ordinary I let him know. I have stopped all social media and even going to m regular lunch dates with my friends. I will do what it takes to make it work.

But I know realistically that it may not workout still that we don't know what the future holds. My outlook on this is that if your wife (or myself or my husband) was looking to have another affair it is gonna happen . If it does happen then you are definitely better off without her. But don't look for it love her like you want to.

I am on the same recovery road and sometimes feel like I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and that this will always over shadow anything good that ive done or did in the past. As I said my situation is a bit different but I know Its tough and I am trying my best to make it work. I do love him and feel like just saying it isn't good enough.

I wish you the best of luck
SyFynerd
SyFynerd
I haven’t read all the replies but from my own experience I’ve gone through the same thing. Found out my ex was cheating and kept taking him back ( cheated with the same women numerous times) maybe you can work past this and I truly hope you can. However one of the things you HAVE to do is. If you are deciding to take her back than you have to let go of what she’s done because YOU are deciding to stay with her. If not than the worry and anxiety will eat you alive. It did to me. Eventually I found my “ I’ve had enough” spot and am currently divorcing him. Wish you the best of luck... remember you can forgive someone but that doesn’t mean you forget and trust once broken is hard to earn back.