Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Though it doesn't apply to my situation, I've read that the highest number of affairs happen in the workplace. It would seem a sampling of BSs here would confirm that.
It got me to thinking. This really doesn't have a point, or indicate that it was bad that women entered the workforce in greater numbers, but more of a "Hummm" thought.
Statistics I've seen say that since the 60s and 70s, cheating among women has risen steadily. If I recall, it used to be in the low teens, now in the high twenties.
That also corresponds with women starting to work more. Makes sense that the more you put men and women together, the more opportunities that will present themselves.
Last boss I had was a woman, and we spent lots of time together. Yes, on business, but fact is I had tons more interaction with her than I did with Gabi five days of each week.
While nothing ever happened, I worried that if she ever wanted to, she could accuse me, and there would be little I could have done to disprove it. When that happens, people assume guilty until proven innocent. With no way to prove it didn't happen, you'd be toast.
Anyway, just a thought I had.
It got me to thinking. This really doesn't have a point, or indicate that it was bad that women entered the workforce in greater numbers, but more of a "Hummm" thought.
Statistics I've seen say that since the 60s and 70s, cheating among women has risen steadily. If I recall, it used to be in the low teens, now in the high twenties.
That also corresponds with women starting to work more. Makes sense that the more you put men and women together, the more opportunities that will present themselves.
Last boss I had was a woman, and we spent lots of time together. Yes, on business, but fact is I had tons more interaction with her than I did with Gabi five days of each week.
While nothing ever happened, I worried that if she ever wanted to, she could accuse me, and there would be little I could have done to disprove it. When that happens, people assume guilty until proven innocent. With no way to prove it didn't happen, you'd be toast.
Anyway, just a thought I had.
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
It makes sense to me, to be honest, because people spend so much time on the job.
The current guy I'm seeing doesn't need to worry about it....I never date at work...definitely don't sh*t where I eat, kinda thing.
My husband, as far as I know, hasn't had a full blown affair (with intercourse). I think the main reason is I'm over the money and it takes money to really woo a woman and two deep down I don't think he really wants too because I've heard women tell him they would take care of him as far as I know, he hasn't taken them up on this offer.
He has however had two EA affairs. One was with a long time friend. A person (she was married too) he knew long before I came into the picture. They continued to talk after we were married ( I didn't know) but were never in the same place. If they ever met up it was only 2 time periods when they could have because he hasn't had many overnight work trips in our 20 years maybe he has stayed away from home 3-4 times. Only one of those was for more than a couple of nights. So that would have to be the time. It seem most of their stuff was flirting online (Facebook, which is why he is not big into it anymore and hasn't been for a few years), occasional phone calls and text messages. She lived like 4 states away and was married too. Her he cut off right away no, if, ands or buts and he had no problem even though he has known he for about 25 years.
The next one was and EA affair with supposedly one kiss, that the girl gave him and hugs and A LOT of time spent visiting her in her work space and her coming to see him a few times. Now he worked with her for over a year before anything ever started to happen. So in this case I think it's they were around each other, they liked each other as good work buddies, it turned into a friendship and then the flirting started, then the hugs and then she kissed him (so he says). After that I think they started to spiral down and it would have became physical on a business trip they had to take IF I had not found out. He can't pay for a room without me knowing so if this did happen she would of had to pay. He can't spend over so much for lunch without me questioning the amount so he didn't wine and dine her and no gifts, again...I would know I think or he got real creative some how. I got a hold of several emails and you can actually see how the relationship started to progress. Those text message I didn't get to see but I bet they were doozies, the in person talks and phone calls too but those I will never know. I also heard a few voice mails from her. I don't know how aggressive he was because I did not find not one email where he initiated a chat with her. His were straight work emails. Hers were will you please stop over to see me or what do you want to do to me you never did say or I want to see you so bad along those lines. Out of all of these only 2 he went back and forth with her the others were like him trying to change the subject or like he was distracted and just said a nice that's good to hear type thing.
Anyway I said all that to say that being around people all the time could make some weak minded or wanting person (be it emotional or physical) do things they wouldn't normally do. For them there was no instant attraction, somewhere boundaries started getting crossed and neither one of them pulled back. He told me it was so slow and gradually that he was in to deep before he even knew what was happening. He also said that he didn't think what he did was an affair he said he knew it was wrong but not on the level of an affair, yeah right. Like I said, here is an easy test for you. If you can stand to see me do or say it to another man and it doesn't bother you at all, then it's probably okay to do or say. If it bothers you in any way, then it's wrong. Since my husband doesn't even like me having male friends that should be a clue that he can't do to much of anything.
With so many things being romanticized it's like nothing is pure anymore. Marriages, to most, don't seem to be as sacred anymore. Since people are living longer and looking younger, they don't seem to respect their bodies anymore. Seems like a lot of people are not completely happy, no matter what they have they want more.
I wouldn't date at work simply because I wouldn't want the drama. If you break up, make it a clean break. Messing around at work makes that very difficult to do.
Also, I think younger people see that marriage can be ludicrous, and they choose to be in LT committed relationships without the piece of paper, or they just don't don't want to settle. Hell, I get that. I wish I hadn't settled down so young...so many missed opportunities out there.
BUT, just wanted to comment from the perspective of someone who has never cheated on my husband, nor has my husband ever cheated on me: I can see how affairs can happen in the workplace because of the amount of time people spend at work. However, I'm a woman who has been working in some capacity with men since I was 16, full time since I was 23 and have never once contemplated having an affair with a coworker, and I spend 10-12 hours a day at work. And I can say the same for my husband who's been working with women for the last 25 years. I work with attractive men and I don't sit here thinking, holy cow I hope I can control myself to not have an affair today.
So regardless of the environment, or how long you're there during the day., in the end, people who don't want to cheat don't, period. And people who do, do. I don't believe people suddenly find themselves in an affair . You put yourself there by being open to it mentally and emotionally even if you're not aware you're doing that. It's easy to blame it on being with people you think are attractive all day but that's bs. I mean, we do possess the ability of self control. Whether you want to employ self control is a choice.
As far as more women cheating, I agree with MassOCH that it's more a cultural parity issue. And to his point that we aren't taught to understand our partners and treat our partners with respect, well, some of that I think is considered common knowledge. I mean as children, most of us are taught right from wrong, lying is bad, empathy, consequences of our actions, etc, things that are supposed to carry us through our life and through all our relationships with people, including our spouses. So some of this is merely just ignoring what we already know is wrong and bad. I grew up with an alcoholic parent who abused and cheated on my mother and then they divorced after 19 years of marriage. I saw not one good or healthy element in my parent's marriage, yet while my marriage is not perfect like most people's marriages are not perfect, it's a good solid marriage despite what I wasn't taught about marriage. I do think people ignore, whether they're doing it consciously or not, basic principles of decency.
Anyway, thanks for letting me add my two cents from the perspective of someone who hasn't dealt with infidelity in a marriage. And I'm going to tell my cousin to check out your group. She could use a shoulder to lean on from people who've been through it.
TTMI729, Don't sh*t where I eat, kinda thing... ha ha that is so true!
i posted this on my F/B Wall i wonder if she'll get it? probably not lol
good 1 !!!
Agree, that is what I told my husband. I can't believe both of you put your jobs on the line. They work together but they don't have to see each other but twice a week. Once I found out THEN everyone was worried about their jobs. I told him you know she could easily say this is your fault if her back was up against the a wall. The only thing that probably stopped that is I told her I had the emails so don't even think of placing blame on only him. He could have because she was asking him to come over and he did so it looks like he was pursuing her the emails show the opposite. I told him that sexual harassment runs rampant there and I can't believe they tried it.
I put this in another post that co-worker affairs are so easy these days. Back in the day I think people caught on because of how much time people spent in each other face. Now you can be sitting at your desk pretending to be hard at work and be on some IM service just flirting and planning away. Also setting up meetings to meet with quick little text messages that can be erased right away, yeah the spouse will see the text on the bill but you won't know what it says unless you've can install some spyware. But there is still that pesky work email that you don't get to see or that work desk phone that they can call and set up meetings and on and on. If you see people huddled together (going in the office and closing doors and blinds) all the time I think rumors will start eventually, there is no need for that with all this technology.
I agree, it would not be a "direct" correlation since there are other factors involved. Like, for instance, the radical loosening of morals, at least overtly, in the 60s and 70s.
As far as cultural goes, yeah, that too. Though sometimes we make more of that than it really is.
That all said, everything being equal, when you put men and women together, working side-by-side for eight plus hours a week, logic dictates that the opportunity for sparking off affairs among those that work together is going to jump. And among those, a percent are going to take advantage of it prone to do so.
Increase opportunity, and you'll increase actual incident of it.
I too have worked in office environments with lots of women for most of my life. Some of them very sexy. I've never had a problem or been tempted to cheat because of it. However, if I had, there would have been plenty of opportunity to allow boundaries to be crossed and friendships to turn into more than friendships.
As a matter of fact, last job I had, a utility clerk that was pretty sexy and usually wore tight jeans a lot, one day without warning or notice didn't come to work. Much later I discovered it was because the city administrator made a pass at her. So she quit. She could have nailed him and the city for sexual harassment, but for some reason she didn't.
Bottom line, those that are prone or vulnerable to cheat, the more opportunities, the more times it will happen. And work tends to force long, extended periods of interaction between people, usually more than your spouse gets of you. That's fertile ground for affair seeds to grow.
Meanwhile, for things like IE users and murder, there isn't the same logical correlation. And no, getting frustrated with Microsoft wouldn't qualify. ;)
"if it was just a problem because women are in the workplace, how come we don't get to read about all the juicy details of all the crazy sex happening in all those textile sweatshops at the turn of the century?"
How do you know it didn't happen regularly? it may be a case that culture, back then, simply didn't talk about or report such incidences. We only hear about them much today because we're on an internet support group for people dealing with infidelity. But I can bet you it happened in those sweat shops if there was a high enough representation of men working in them (seems mostly women worked in those...so it would have to be a small handful of men, reducing opportunity.)
it wasn't my fault, it was meant to be.
it is all bullshit cheaters choose to cheat,
i travel for work, china, japan, russia, south america in some settings hookers hand jobs all stuff is expected, some buyer's even look down at me because I don't fff around on my wife
i choose not to because i love her and she trusts me,
i don't know why she choose what she choose
i think it comes down to ..... wait for......some people just suck
So what do I think about that? Big f'n whoop! I agree with broken. It doesn't matter what the situation is, cheaters find a reason to cheat. And if we all wax philosophical about untangling the skein of their fuckedupness then we just contribute to the problem.
I work with men, a lot of them actually. I don't put myself in situations where I would get the opportunity to cheat or be tempted to do so. I don't share many details about my personal life with anyone I work with and I certainly am sure that I don't do it with the dudes. I don't pretend to be all high and mighty either. I just know that part of the deal of being married is that you don't put yourself in precarious situations with the opposite sex. Too bad the ex didn't get that memo.
Thank god that I have a great job so when I finally came to my senses I could walk away from that shit show. I don't think women in the workplace are a problem....just the douchebags that don't know how to be faithful.
During WWII, a lot more women were forced to work because the guys were off fighting the war.
But note, I didn't throw this up as an excuse to justify cheating or attempt to suggest that women in the workplace is a bad and evil thing (as I said in my original post). Only pointing out a correlation that is logical.
But it is conjecture as well. Just because something is logical doesn't mean it is true. But it was just an observation, not to blame someone cheating on women in the workplace instead of where it belongs, on the cheater.
My new Slogan "don't get your honey, where you get your money!"
While it works for some, it is completely disastrous for most.