But gents is there any minute reason to have an A over this.

Or is it "cold of the heart".

Redlegs-

" Men in their late 50s can get women in their late 30s even if they have a beer gut and hair coming out of their ears. People call them "distinguished". I am late 40's and not hung up on my appearance, but many people are and spend way too much time worrying about it. Their whole sense of self worth is tied to their looks."

This reason for this is often misconstrued and exaggerated. Generally speaking, woman drive this. It's the 30 something woman looking for a sugar daddy. The men with younger woman are generally financially stable or better.

The reality is....MOST men I know in their 40's and 50's can't find a woman their own age (never mind a younger woman) because they are not in a higher income bracket.

While you can say that men want younger woman, an equal amount of woman want financial stability. Either of these can be considered superficial.

onyx- Mine was 39 when she began her affair.

Blind - you are so right. Women by the 40's either want the hot hunk (for the affair) or the stable older man (for the husband). Having just been deserted by the "hot hunk" I will NEVER go there again. I'll settle for the stable older gent with the "little blue pill".

OK guys,

Lets figure this one out.

My wife was 15 yrs old when we married obviously a virgen (DFS approved).

32 yrs later, she thinks another man penis in her is disgusting and unacceptable.

So what gives 1 man in bed, 2 men dated entire life.

Or is it these cheaters simply have no heart and never considered the marriage real.

I think its just people in general. And I honestly think that people are insecure at different stages in thier life. I am 39 going on 40 and have never felt better. I have a gorgeous son, a great career, a home of my own, a functional car, I feel good when I look in a mirror, I have both my parents... great siblings... and most people would tell you that I am loving, loyal and generous to a fault....and yet Im the one that falls prey to the cheaters... go figure.

J,

Go figure, it makes you a human being with a heart nothing more or less.

First, I want to thank everyone for adding to this post - it helps out a lot to try to make sense of the nonsensical - too much is the BS have all these hopes and dreams tied up into our lives/marriages/children/family and I can remember that I would double check the front door to make sure no bogie man could get in (robbers/thieves)- but all along the person who would destroy everything was sleeping in my own bed.

I want to thank the ladies for adding their experiences

redlegs
Garbrielle48
JillianMarie

Garbrielle48-your always so honest even when the honesty suxs for the BS but adds the insight.

JillianMarie - I think since you do have your stuff together - and someone took advantage of you in the past - that this new dude (old friend) knows he has you knows your not going anywhere- and so off to the field he plays thats the year timeline as well get her (you) get her hooked now time for play time its cruel in the sense that he knows what you have been through and for you it will be hard cause u have just went through this.

Your successful and perhaps thats intimidating for him or perhaps he is just a user and users will always get theirs in the end. Stay strong.

Cigarman - You have a lot of personal experiences with what happened - I think a lot of people would love to help you and help you to try to understand - can you add more? I was unclear what you were asking.

In general - there has to be something that happens to women that at around 39 - 40 they start to have thoughts of where they are with their life and where its going.

I really think they feel like if they have been married and have had kids - that they use that to check off their boxes and then say - now what? whats left? Hey look there is another guy that thinks I look good I am getting attention I know my STBX wasnt getting much attention when she was married and to her her culture is surrounded by beauty being from south America so she had the kids and then its work out all the time and try to appeal to other dudes to validate etc. I have dude over here giving me attention I also have a good husband - good dad etc - life is getting kind of boring and predictable though - let me see what crazytown is like. I think that is sort of the mind set for most women who choose to go into crazy town.

O,

No help need my time was many decades ago.

My posts there is no justification for cheating, no excuses.

Peel await the goody feeling rationalization and all you have is greed, lack of heart and remorse until caught.

How about enough is enough. Neglect lack of intimacy, no communication . I take responsibility for my actions. It had nothing to do with mu age. Actually the affair gave me new life. There was no feeling of my life ending due to age.

I had neglected myself when my spouse became ill and our lives changed. I went one way and he went another. Guess what...I loved my husband,but I did not like him! And I had not trusted him for years. We were just pretending to be in a marriage.

He cheated on this site and I watched him for years.however when I had an affair I became the no good heartless cheAting bitch!

I hope I answered your question..

I think everyone is right - however I do think there is something with the age factor with men and women - men "potentially" at 50 and women "potentially' at 39 - 40.

I am not saying no one can do xyz at any stage in their life - however for some reason - at those ages - I believe there is some sort of force whether it be natural - cultrual (TV) - clicking tick factor - that people say ok - I have done this and that in life - let me check out over here and see how it goes - it most likely has to be the perfect strom scenerio but they are "open" to it in their minds when - perhaps before other priorties were keeping them from being aware of these situations.

complicated? yes... sux for the BS. yes..

which gets to my other point - if you are the BS - right away the art of war - dictacts you are on the defense and the WS is on the offense so right away you are looking like - WTF did I DO wrong - now if the shoe was on the other foot you would be the one in control holding your BS down - but "WE" - bs DON'T do that sort of stuff - cause we can communicate and tell our WS what we like or dislike - they can't - hence the need for the crazy town - control aspect.

this applies to most scenerios but not all affairs.

I think that women in their thirties just get frisky. Not an excuse to cheat or be deceitful. My kids were older, I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant and I was single and wasn't into the bar scene or sleeping around. Oh,by the way I was single. There is no excuse for bad behavior. No,your life is not over at 55. Some women that have been in a bad relationship for years, begin to become more independent at this age. Not everyone is the same but I really don't think it has much to do with self loathing. It's more of the opposite to me. More secure about who they are, they ate beginning to know who they are. That's not always a bad thing for their partner. Hell, I've known men who cheat and lie at every phase of my life. She just wants to feel sexy and wanted. As long as "ANYBODY", is not disrespecting your relationship by cheating,going online to find men/women,texting or emailing someone else,going out or talking to the opposite sex-innapropriately, try to have fun with it. Did I cover everything? Good luck my friend.

What about the seven year itch.

My H A seemed to fit into the time of around seven years together. I see the A take place during the height of child rearing life is so predictable no time for marriage I've got kids, job, laundry blah blah Blah

. It's that 6-8 year mark in from what I've seen that seems to get people to wake up and think they are living emotionless lives with nothing more than work, kids, diapers, homework, laundry, bills. They lose sight of the "couple"!and just begin coexisting. That's when the marriage begins have open spaces where a potential affair can slip its way in.

I think you're onto something, Pink. I can see it in our case, though it was me who had the itch. But my solution to that wasn't to cheat, but to give up and allow us to grow emotionally distant. While it took another 10+ years, that distance certainly made the affair offered by OM1 a whole lot more tempting to Gabi than it would have been otherwise.

In my book, I've laid out the various factors that played into the increased temptation and opportunity, and that is certainly one of them. The mid-life "crisis" desire for experiences she'd never had before I think was foggy rationalizations once she was already sucked into it all, when in her mind, the idea of cheating on me was no longer a no-no, but a real desire for the opportunity. So the "I want to experience what I've been denied all these years" was fog-thinking and justifications for what she wanted to do, and not so much a factor in the temptation, which had already come and gone and she'd already in essence cheated on me.

Yeah, my husband cheated at about 7 years into our marriage. I had a 3 year old at home hanging off of me everywhere I went. (I loved it, but it did tend to come between our alone time.) When we first dated and married, we had his kids/my step kids and we managed to find time for us. Then we had our own child after years of trying and everything fell apart. I made my child my priority and my husband felt neglected I guess, so he found a woman a year older than his daughter. It also had to do with his job crisis which I believe affected his self worth. After the unthinkable happened to me and did not stop, I found someone who would make me feel that I was still desirable. The rest is one f-ed up history.

I will say, in my own defense, I never went to "crazy town." I held everything together in our family.