Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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JustUGH 12/21/2011

I would think the hardest part for the CS is DD. Once the cat is out of the bag, why is it so difficult for the CS to explain HOW it started, HOW it progressed, and WHAT they were thinking?

If I were the CS (which I can't even fathom) I think that once my H found out, I'd want to explain the entire thing from start to finish so he could maybe understand why I was an idiot.

Is it paranoia of me to think that because he doesn't want to discuss it in depth that he's not telling me everything?

deleted_user 12/21/2011

I think it's shame and/or they're still in it!! Given their track records, we have to assume the latter. That's JMO. My CS still lies, quite badly. Part of me does feel like he's just trying to protect me since his lies are so outlandish but I refuse to let that part of me take over since he has given me no reason to expect the best. And no Just, you are not paranoid at all. You are betrayed. Now we have to constantly question them and their motives. If you want to know it, he should be able to tell it. For me, that's the bottom line.

deleted_user 12/21/2011

eva88 got it spot on. As the CS in my marriage (divorced). It is easier to lie than to say the truth. Firstly, it's the fear of hurting the BS. Secondly is the fear of losing them. It's just hard to accept that you have slept with another person especially when you realise how awful your actions are. It's just hard.

Gabrielle48 12/22/2011

echifalu, I have come to a similar place in my journey. It's kind of a cycle. Denial, acceptance, sadness.
I go through it nearly every day. When I start to feel like myself it just seems impossible that all that happened, that I actually did that. But...I did, so then I have to accept it and that starts the sadness again. The sadness is multifaceted because there are multiple things here to be sad about.
But, I am also thankful for much and there is a lot that I am doing towards my healing and restoration. H is depending on it.

deleted_user 12/22/2011

I suppose it depends on t he person.

If the person is a "closed book" type, they proabably wont' reveal much except of what you already know, or have proof!

Seems like it's pulling teeth!

deleted_user 12/23/2011

I was engaged as I said in my hello thread, but that ended. you know, i was actually so guilt stricken that i didnt save a word at all. i confessed the whole thing from beginning to end and gave all the details that i can literally on everything that happened by the minute. in a last ditch effort to try to be honest. i know, what a load of nonsense. in the end i was told to stop talking further...

for once, i was completely honest in that relationship. it was painful but i will admit it made me feel more like having some air in me and not suffocating.

if i said something bad, i apologize.

i just knew no quarter should be given to me at that point, considering it was i who was the guilty party and my sin was ground breaking so... i just tried to be compliant.

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