Sounds like it's obvious he is lying about no contact for a year, you have your proof.
I'm wondering why your not seeing your mother in law? Seems if you've taken care of her then you have a meaningful relationship with her and she would be confused as to why you've ceased contact. I see it's your husbands responsiblity to explain to family members but it's also certainly not your secret to hide...you didn't do anything wrong.
I know there's no right or wrong for you while your experiencing the trauma of infedelity so no judgment here.

Ok, the way I see it, to answer your question, is I think married men are "safe" for some women. (same goes for guys who like married women). It's fun, unattached for the most part...this person doesn't bog you down with talk about kids, schedules, cleaning the gutters, bills being paid, etc. It's an escape from reality. It's an avoidance of conflict. It's a cowardly way to react to any issues they have, or think they have, in their marriage.

Some people like marrieds because the expectation will always go "just so far".

This is my guess.

In my ex's case, the woman he had an affair with was also married, had two kids, and they worked together. We also, over time, became "couples" friends, so we had playdates, dinner parties, etc etc.

From having been around her and her H, their marriage was miserable. They got married because she was pregnant, they lied and argued constantly (in front of guests, theirs kids, etc...she put him down all the time. They also had so much financial, business, etc matters wrapped up in one another, that getting divorced would've probably been a financial hot mess.

She just didn't seem to really like her husband at all.

I imagine all of this was a huge part why she sought my ex out. Then, my ex and I having problems, was a perfect breeding ground.

Funny thing, he dropped her like a bad habit upon discovery....guess she wasn't too important, after all.

Because they are pieces of shit,
Doesn't matter why shit stinks, but it sure does

The question is why don't married people bother to look beneath the whipped cream before they dive in

I used to want to understand why my wife could justify in her head that it was okay have his semen inside her when she tucked our kids into bed and then gave a hug and a peck goodnight and a couple day later make love with me ( well have sex I guess for her)

How could anyone keep doing that and not have it show on the outside?

Thinking about that hurts so much, how could a person to that to another?

I'm beginning to accept that it is not my issue to resolve
I think once I do accept such that it will be a big step towards living again

So, last night he and I get in to an ugly text argument (I just love those). Anyway, he tells me that he ran in to her son who told him about her being sick and gave him her disc to look at. I asked why? Since when are you a doctor? H said he didn't know why but he took it because he didn't want to be rude to this kid. Now I don't know about y'all but I wouldn't want my personal medical info floating around for anyone to see. H also claims he never looked at. Doesnt matter as he doesn't know how to read those discs anyway but I do. I was in the medical field for years but they don't put a diagnosis on them. I will say the lung mass looks rather ugly and I do feel bad for her in that regard. I think tho that this sounds more like a way to keep him on a string and when I said that he went off like a Roman candle :) apparently I hit a nerve. Oh well, such is life.

He proceeds to tell me I am a greedy f'n bitch because he gives me all his money except what he needs for work. Well duh, we have a house with bills to pay and 2 kids to raise. So I said if I am so greedy why do Iknow more about your parents health than your bros and sisters combined and why was I the one who took care of things? I have a house most ppl wouldn't live in as after 20 years it still isn't finished? Ifi were greedy I wouldn't have put up with or done any of this. So I toldhim to go look in the mirror so he could see what greed looks like :) I don't expect to hear from him for a few days. At 55 you'd think he would have grown up by now.

MyV I don't go visit because I will get sucked back in to doing things with her meds and such. I stopped because she has 7 kids who need to step up to the plate. That is their job, not mine. If something were to happen to her while I was taking care of her they would all blame me as that is how they are. They don't like responsibility but they'll gladly blame someone else when things go wrong. Since H's infidelity there is no way I will put myself in that position again. Been there done that with my own parents.

Fair enough...sounds like you've made a decisions to take care of yourself first.

I know that sounds harsh and I may even sound like a bitch but none of her children, aside from my H, ever took her to the doctor, spent a night in the ER with her, etc. They just took for granted that I was there and they didn't have to pay me. Now their sister quit her job to care for her parents and the others, except us, are in a snit because they have to pay someone now.

Sounds toxic and with all your trying to deal with in your personal life, let them work it out and try not to even think of what they are thinking, doing and saying.

My thoughts exactly :)

Well, it is certainly suspicious. At a minimum it is a red flag that warrants further investigation. Have you checked his phone bill for frequently called numbers? You might also hide a voice-activated recorder in his vehicle for a few days, as that tends to be a place to talk privately with the AP. Make sure there is nothing currently going on.

You are not being a bitch, or sounding like one, not in the least.

You've made a good point, they would blame you when something goes wrong with their mother, and that would put you in a very precarious situation.

You could call her to see how she's doing since you still care about her. When she asks why you don't come, tell her you're having trouble with Tony. If she presses, say she needs to ask him why. Tell her you care about her but because of what's happened, it's awkward for you to visit. Don't let her think you hate her.

I suspect he's lying to you about the MRI disc in the old trunk trick. Since when does he run into her son who, so happens to be carrying the disc in his pocket who, for some reason sought his opinion because he's an expert at what in particular?

More like he met with her, and she gave him the disc to view. Oh and he didn't want to be "rude to this kid". Acting like a gallant gentleman now is he?

I wish you strength, temperance and resolve.

Lots going on here!

I think women go after married men for that sense of conquest. They like seeing if they can bust up something so they can feel better about themselves. I know, I know - Asshole women, right?

That MRI? Yeah, so you ask about it and he ends up calling you a bitch. Nice....I am just thinking this is trickle truth all over the place. If he was being all up front and stuff, he would not have that MRI hiding in his trunk - the minute he got it, he would have come to you. Because you matter and he wants to be clear with you. He didn't. That's pretty telling.

With that MRI? If it was over, she's just trying to stick around. Just so you know....

Damn....L~

Well the woman my husband cheated with was a whore. She would sleep with anyone for financial support and once his income did not permit him to take care of her too, she left for the next guy who was willing to open his wallet up to her.

Well I did something with that disc so I will know soon if he is in fact still in contact with her lol! I took great joy in it to :) I mailed it to her with a letter that read: Dear Peggy, MY HUSBAND (hubby's name) is not a physician, radiologist, or a psychiatrist and cannot diagnose, treat, or counsel you on your illness(es). I suggest you seek professional help for your own health and wellbeing. Sincerely, my name with last name in caps. Then I put PS being a home wrecker is not good for your soul.
I took the CD to a post office closer to the hospital where she was seen so that she wouldn't suspect where it came from. So if he is still in contact with her I am sure he will know and as such so will i!
It actually felt good doing that. If that ho wants to play the game fine. She will definitely know I got her number lol!

What fun, I don't think Miss Manners could have done it better herself, bravo!