Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
So my partner cheated 5 months ago and I decided to work through it. But I keep getting angry. I dont feel I have the right to be angry anymore. Its not helping anymore. I want to be with this person. Why can't I forgive them. I can't let go. I was hitting myself in the face last night to deal with the anger when I was drunk. I can't control it and my partner is getting emotinally hurt by my outbursts as I say insulting things I don't even mean. I love this person and im destroying it. She cheated, but since has done nothing but beg my forgiveness and do everything she can to prove she regrets it. I forgive her and trust her. But my anger keeps coming back when i feel we are close again. Its like i can't control it, like i won't let her be close becasue im protecting myself. I feel like a different person when im angry. How can i deal with this? I can't keep doing this to myself or her. I know my emotional punishment is too much now. its not fair. I don't want to be angry anymore.
what you might wanna do < like i do > when your feeling that way ... hold her hug her ...as i do but also i joined counseling for my anger issues just a week ago.. that helps and? you have a journal you can vent off and you have this Group as well ..dont let yourself get into a self distruction mode ..Keep in mind shes trying and give her a window to come in but lay low on the booz... its ok for 1 or 2 but limite yourself .. because all your going to do is push her away with your self violent out burst ,,you'll put fear in her ... just say'n think about it
Hang in there.
Tim
If you want it to work, make it work. If you feel yourself getting angry leave the room. Got to your room sit on the bed, close your eyes and calm down.
Find something you like to do to relieve the stress, gym, basketball anything. If you don't have some physical way to work off the anger, find one. Because it's okay to be upset but to start hitting yourself is not okay. You said YOU can't control it, so that is just like admitting you need help. Please find you a good therapist to work on YOU.
Here are the stages of trauma / grief reaction
Denile
Anger
Depression
Acceptance
At 5 months you intellectually want to Accept, but are still somewhere between denile and anger.
Get the anger out in a healthy, positive forum.
Maybe you need to be away from her for awhile. She's the one who should be doing all she can to help you feel better. The effects of betrayal last for years.
i know that sucks but it won't work anyother way,
Give her credit for staying and trying,
you could be in my shoes,
my stbx didn't want to try and couldn't care about forgiveness.
Anger, you will have it for awhile, it is normal, finding ways to deal with anger is normal also.
I would suggest to you to stop the drinking. It only makes the emotion feel even stronger. When you feel really angry,try to funnel it by doing some kind of exercise. I know you want to be with her and you love her but what she did is because she is insecure and selfish. She wanted more than one person and didn't want the consequences that go with it. YOU work on YOU. That doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong. Take care of yourself because no one else will. Exercise,think of things you can do for yourself to make you happy. She has to deal with whatever issues she has.
You may or you may not be able to forgive her. Time will tell. She first needs to get some counseling to figure out why she needs so much attention. You work on getting yourself in control and the answers will follow.
I would suggest as others have to take some time to breath and really explore your emotions and wether you have truely forgiven. Usualy with forgiveness comes a sense of peace where the anger and hatred is gone and what's left is an ability to move forward.
Forgiveness doesn't eliminate triggers and sadness but the constant intense anger and pain should ease greatly with forgiveness. Atleast in my experience it works this way.
Maybe if you do choose some time apart, you can read some books about infidelity, anger and forgiveness. Seek ic and when ready couples counseling.
I'm sorry you are feeling so much pain. I remember those days. They are horrible. I do hope you find some peace in all of this.
Pink
i should say that the relationship is also only about 5 months old. We had been close and not really living in the same place at the time. We were not a definite couple at the time of the cheating although we had said we would be exclusive and she lied to me about having a fling with the guy. She lied to me several times about it before finally owning up. So I guess im feeling like im overreacting. But still I was so hurt and devastated by it. She knew she was betraying me. she says I was always the one she wanted and it happened with the other guy because she was lonely and she wasnt close with him.
It has been very stressful to have the intensity of new love and also the intense emotions of being cheated. It is notas bad I can imagine as having a partner of a few years do something like this but I am suffering alot of the time.
My firstly relationship ever ended with the girl leaving me for my best friend who she cheated with behind my back. Ever since then all my relationships I have been overly paranoid about cheating. This is the first time it happened to me again and I think alot of emotions are resurfacing.
I know this new girl cheated me, but I also know she loves me. I dont think she realised how much it was gonna be bad for me. Technically we werent a couple, but we were working up to it, and had told each other we werent going to be with other ppl until we could be together.
I just want these bad feelings to be gone so I can feel like myself again.
I am sorry for what you are dealing with - but I think I see someone here who's more in love w/someone than they are with them. You may want to do some thinking here - your gf isn't showing signs of being that much into you or being in love. But 5 months isn't that long - it takes some longer than that to feel committed. So again, you may want to make sure that you both share the same outlook on the relationship in general. Make sure she's equally vested.
Her reasons for sleeping w/the other person matter very little - what we have to pay attention to is what does that says in general - what does that says about how she sees you or how she feels. You might be worrying about getting over the hurt but you may also want to figure out if you have a relationship or if you are in one w/someone who isn't going at your same pace. Sometimes we get too caught up on what we want and we don't pay attention to what is really going on. Good luck.