That was only 2 weeks ago! Of course this is very hard now, and it will be hard for awhile for you. Never heard of this 2 year thing, I think it will take as long as it takes. I don't think it takes 2 years though. You will move on, one way or the other, whether you guys stay together or not, you will be okay!

The first thing is to decide if you TWO are going to keep your marriage together or not. All in or all out.... no in between (He "isn't sure" what he wants to do??? Then kick him out).

You will need marital counseling, you yourself should go to individual counseling..... this is going to be a mess for awhile but IF your husband is TRULY committed to saving your marriage, then he has to go NO CONTACT with this young woman. His affair is OVER. And you make sure that it is over, too.

Thank you. It is really hard to see that I am going to be okay right now. I’ve been with my husband since I was 18, I have not lived an adult life without him. I am scared and lonely. It just hurts so much right now and I know it’s only been two weeks, but I’m just looking for some kind of hope for my future. I would love to hear from someone who has lived through this and come out okay on the other side.

P.S. we are both in individual counseling, husband has not yet committed to marriage counseling

So I was married for over a decade with one child. I caught her having an affair with with another man. I was devastated and my world turned upside down. The affair lasted roughly half a year, but the lies were in the thousands.

She broke it off with him and we went to counseling, which did little good. Eventually she told me she still had feeling for the guy, and we split up.

After being separated for a year, in which she pursued me, I agreed to try again. We lasted two more years before the divorce.

Ultimately the trust was gone and she resented me for not trusting her, I know that sounds bizarre. Without her understanding how the affair effected everything, it was destined to fail.

Without a commitment on both sides and true remorse from the cheating party, it is a long difficult road ahead, with more potential heartbreak.

The scariest thing for me was to look at the future as see myself alone. Several years later, having walked that path, it’s not so bad. I did manage to get in to one relationship since the divorce, which lasted about six months, and it was a great experience.

I hope this helps.

Call up family and friends. It helps to have support right now.

It's not going to be easy, but you will get through this. Have to take it one day at a time. Seeing your therapist will help.

You have received good advice to so far.

Of course you are in terrible pain. Unfortunately, that is going to last a while. Your H, ironically, is the one who can make you feel better. He can stop lying, he can reassure you, he can commit to you and only you, he can dump the slut immediately. If he is not doing any or all of these things, then you have to come to terms with the fact that there is no marriage to save.

Why is he the one who gets to decide.? You need to talk to a lawyer as soon as you can. Whoever files first has the upper hand. You are going to need a lot of emotional support so reach out to friends, family, neighbors. You have done nothing wrong, so there is nothing to be ashamed of. You will also find out who your friends are.

I wised up and told people. Whoever did not support me, I dumped. Frankly, I've not missed them. My true friends stepped up and I treasure these people. You will be fine. It will take a while. But you do not need this lying, cheating douche bag in your life.

He is not going to change. He might try to please you for a while, but his old behavior will return. Just the fact that he is not standing on his head for you, says it all. Deal with the facts. I know this is hard. I know my words are harsh. But I lived in la-la land for a long time.

I wanted so desperately to feel safe with him that I believed his lies. But deep down inside, I knew. So I kept an eye on him and over and over again I learned that he was still cheating. I've lost track of how many confrontations we went through.

The one thing that changed everything was when I grew a backbone and got rid of my wishbone. I told him I was divorcing him. The only thing that would keep us together is what he did.

I put the monkey on his back and showed him that his actions had consequences. I will say he ended his A. We are still together. But I still hurt.
The lying, the cheating all leave scars. You can move on. You can fall in love again. You have to decide if he is worth it.

Wow, I got chills reading your post. My husband had multiple affairs with 18 year old girls as well. It was absolutely awful. The last one was during the entire 9 months I was pregnant with our second son. I also found out about that one from a receipt. I was sleeping one night and I woke up and I don't know why but I felt like I should look in his wallet (I'd been suspicious but had no proof of anything). I had never looked in his wallet before but something told me to look. I found a receipt for roses in there. He tried to explain it all away but it cut me to the core. Especially while I was pregnant. I went into labor about a week later at 36 weeks because of all of the stress.

I remember the sleepless nights. I remember the constant thoughts about everything. I remember just wanting the pain to end so badly that I would fantasize about dying, but I knew I would never actually do something like that, thankfully. But I just couldn't bear the pain. I felt like I could understand every alcoholic or drug addict who did whatever they could to numb the pain.

It was horrible. Absolutely horrible and the worst pain I have ever experienced... even more than childbirth, in my opinion. Music was very helpful to me. I made a playlist on my Amazon music app and titled it "comfort." I saved a bunch of songs that felt comforting to me and I would listen to it often. I also got involved in a ladies' Bible study at my church and I would find that the times I would sit down and work on the study, it would take my mind elsewhere... to something that was true and good rather than the reality I was living in at the time. I prayed a lot and found other women who understood what I was going through to talk to. That helped. I also started taking an antidepressant which helped as well.

Right now if feels like the pain will never end. But it does. The scar is always there but I think even that is okay. There's a quote in one of my favorite books that says that a scar shows that you survived. You made it out of that dark place. I will be praying for you as you try to navigate through this. I would advise not making any big relationship decisions right now. Just do what you need to do to get through the day and work towards healing.

Thank you for all your comments. Today was hard. Like I don’t know how I made it through hard. We’ve had a lot of long talks and talked about what has gone wrong in our marriage that led up to this. I grew up in a dysfunctional home where all emotions were suppressed. My husband feels like I’ve been emotionally closed off to him for a very very long time. I know in some regards he is right. So now I don’t know what to feel about anything. I still can envision our lives together growing old, and don’t know what to do. I confided to a close friend what happened, but now that has caused a rift between us as he is friends with the husband and now the husband knows too. I just feel so alone and sad and anxious ALL THE TIME. I know it will take time and everyone here promises it will get better, I just don’t see how.

Have you guys considered going to counseling together? Or you by yourself? Going to counseling on my own after everything happened for me was the best decision I ever made.