Only, I think that depends on the person and the relationship. I can tell you with certainty that my H feel tremendous shame and guilt and probably always will. Not all CS do though, I'm afraid.

Most are uncomfortable with being found out and are clever enough to realize that they have to do the perp walk once outed.

Do they regret getting some strange? No.

Do they wish they didn't have to deal with the damage they've wrought?

Sure. but only as it relates to their comfort.

I agree with znzsmom & disagree with jimthzz. My wife is tremendously remorseful. While we all have varing levels of upset with regard to our spouses infidelities, mine is unusually severe (according to me and agreed by my 3 therapists). My wife realizes the damage she has caused and is guilty, remorseful, truly regrets her behavior and would do anything to take it back. I too would gladly pay $100,000 or more to not have to experience this pain. The months that I was physically unable to work as a result of my emotional upset, has cost me far greater than a few hundred thousand dollars!

I know that right now my H gets this and is totally remorseful. My main concern is as time goes by do they forget again?

some do and some don't...

I always heard you don't know what you have till its gone!

My H and I have reached a very comfortable place and speak often about his A. He always says his biggest regret is that it ever happened and that he hurt me so deeply. He also apologizes at least once a week and thanks me for staying with him. He is the picture of remorse.

My ex left to be with his skank. If he regrets or doesn't I will never know. He is now "stuck" there regardless as is she. The can't stand on their own individually and to admit they were wrong and try to heal the pain they caused? Nope, neither are brave enough. Neither gets the release they coudl have if they did. My ex and I didn't belong together for the longterm. I know that now. He didn't have to handle things they way he did. He didn't have to inflict the pain he did. He doesn't have to continue the stories or re-write our history. He never had to but he did anyway. I don't believe he will "let" himself feel bad about it. He might actually grow if he did and both he and I both know his skank would not allow that to happen.
Remorse, yes, I believe some feel it. Those who want to clear their consciences and souls do. They may never undo what they did but it is the only path to freedom. Some are never brave enough to allow themselves. Staring themselves in the face is a hard thing for anyone to do even if you haven't just thrown your wife and family under a bus.

My husband has expressed remorse and the desire to stay married.

The problem is that I don't know if I can believe him. He was so practiced at lying and deceiving and manipulation. And I have to ask myself, "How did he think this would end up?"

He also told me how he'd been dealing with so much guilt. For nearly all the 11 years of marriage? If he was feeling so guilty, why was he already lining up another affair - which is how I caught him?

I just feel like he dug this hole himself. Even if he were truly feeling remorse, should it be such a surprise if I can't believe it or even simply refuse to believe it?

Mine claimed she was {just a friend} though texting hundreds of times, letter writing to compliment her, ect, when I got none of that ever, no compliments, even now after DD. he refused counceling, I go for myself, he said he was sorry, doesnt need to go listen to someone tell him to tell me he's sorry, made the statement past is past, the only excuse his brain was on vacation. At the same time last year I made his life as best as I could a welcome place, supper ready, he could come home relax. Now if I am home when he gets here it's rare, he does alot more cooking for himself, I have for myself chosen to detatch from him, because he made no real effort to show remorse.

I live in the same house but he seems adjusted to my indifference to him. Since DD I went thru alot of the emotions and still do but I do think some not all truly regret what they did and make a true heart felt attempt to be a better partner and own up to what they have to do. H's like mine that feel like they didn't do anything {that bad} have an attitude because months after DD spouses like me are still hurt or upset. Mine said there is nothing he can do to change how I feel, other than his can I get you something while I'm up. questions.

I think there is regret but in my case it's more the regret of getting caught because he never thought he would.

I feel they really don"t care. I' feel they are just selfish people. Almost everybody "get urges" but thats no excuse. Sorry, I'm still angry, my wife acted like nothing was wrong and life was great. I feel like a fool.

I'm going to say that it depends on each individual situation. Some get it and realize what they almost lost. You see permanent changes based on the experience. Others are totally absorbed in their own world and are only concerned with themselves. But I still hold out the belief that some can learn from the mistake and grow from it and make positive changes within themselves and within their marriage if the BS will allow them to do it.

I'm a CS. I can say that I definetly regret what I did and realize how I should have handled things differently. Although I didn't go as far as to have sex with the OM, I still feel a great amount of guilt and shame. Especially since the OM was my sister-in-law's husband. We are still married but will be changed forever. It sucks and I brought it on myself.

Don't know. My H says he regrets, but doesn't want to talk about it. Did at first but as time went on, he didn't want to hear it. Just wants me to move past it. He comes in everyday and says how much he loves me, but you know, he did that before affair too. So how do you know?

As for me.. I feel horrible and wish I could totally erase it. I hate that I hurt my husband.. so deeply! I am so grateful that he loves me enough to stay and us work on getting back to where we were. I betrayed my very best friend.. and I am sorry every day!! One of the biggest things is that I tarnished our vows. I love mhim with all my heart and am rededicated to being the loving devoted wife he has always deserved!!