This is the hardest time. The one who cheated just wants it all to be over with but the one who was cheated on cannot do it. It takes time and she is just going to have to deal with it. If she doesn't like it, she knows where ti door it. Otherwise, SHE is the one who needs to be flexible right now. Good luck!

Well said gabi ... It's gonna take time man. Best of luck to you.

Our counsellor and I talked about that with my husband and she said it was like he had served me a sh!t sandwich and was now asking me to hurry up and finish eating it because he couldn't stand the smell. Her point was he created this mess and I'm the one that sets the timetable for when I'm done healing not him.

I don't think he understood the analogy, it's too bad, it was a good one.

after reading this, I thought how did this person know exactly what my life is like... lol
I could have written this myself.
I have also been dealing with this same situation.
My husband thinks cuz he is not cheating or flirting that he is doing his part. The wounds are as real today as they were 3 years ago.
Today was the day I finally told my mom and one of my daughters that after the holidays, It is over, I am getting a divorce.

Good luck to you.

every women says they want a sensitive man that is in touch with there feelings. Well this man was a navy seal for 6 years and I spent 4 years in the 82nd airborne in the army so sensitive I have never really been accused of being. I am trying everything to get thru to my wife I am being as sensitive and honest as a human being can possibly be. I have cried while talking to her I have let her know how it effects me not by being agressive ( my goto emotion ) but rather by telling her the things that are hurting me . How it has caused me so much pain , how I am so stressed that I think im about to go nuts at any momment. I have even let her know that I really didnt appreciate that when her ex husband came to our house to cause her physical harm last year and I beat his ass in our lawn and got arrested for it. When you are in the computers as a navy seal regardless if it was on my property and he attacked me in front of the cops u get arrested. While I was in jail she started her affair and I was only there for 2 days.She doesnt seem to get it . She has never even said Im sorry I cheated on you I wish I could take it back. I wish that I could get her to just join me in trying to think of the other person first and move forward with our lives. She is so selfish. I told her today when I said I am glad she is getting help but we need help. She commented that her shrink doesnt want us to do couples counciling yet and that she would stop her counciling and we can do couples counciling instead. I said I want you to continue with your counciling but just know that it may mean the end of us if we wait much longer for couples counciling. Anyone who knows me is absolutely amazed that I have not gone completelly of the hook and really hurt someone as that is my nature . I hope my wife gets the fact that I havent shows just exactly my level of commitment to our marriage. I did however tell her that if I ever see the guy she was with his kids will cry when they look at him I will mess him up so bad. I am so glad my shrink appointment in in the am as I am really really getting stresssed out and me and stress dont get along. I have 2 goals in my life at this time .
1. save my marriage
2. stay out of jail
All I have ever asked my wife is if you dont want to be with me and you want somone else then respect me enough to tell me and she couldnt do that. I do like the statement "she gave me a shit sandwich and now wants me to hurry up and eat it cause it stinks". Oh well tomorrow is a new day lets hope it is not as long as the last , that has lasted over a month.

I just wanted to add that I have no intention of searching out this guy I would muchrather stay away from him as I really like not being agressive these day. I try to live a life of nonviolence as I have seen enough violence in my life already.

Well I did the trying to fix the relationship thing and HE cheated on me back in 2007! Feb 2009, valentine's day of all things I moved out as I just couldn't do it anymore. I was becoming a shell of my former self. Everytime we went out all the skeletons would surface and i'd end up questioning every minor detail. However it can work but it does take 2. I wish you the best of luck, I gave it another 2 years after finding out and I couldn't do it any longer. The really bizarre thing is we're now the best of friends and offer advice to one another regards relationships so maybe that was meant to happen for me.

Take care of you and yours.

Lea82 x

Ok went to my shrink this am . I am in a much better place at the moment yesterday well this weekend for that matter was a very dark time for me probably the lowest of the low. It is amazing me that in my session today my shrink asked me what I want from her more than ever and my reply was honesty and for her to come out and apologise for cheating and for having hurt me as she did, something my wife has been unable to do . When I ask her if she is sorry she says yes but she has been unable to articulate. During this session I got a text and ignored it till after the session. When I looked I was flored it was my wife doing exactly as I had told my shrink I wanted her to do. Kinda spooky but that shows she is really trying to make this work.