Eh, probably because on some twisted level she still cares, and wants to know you care enough to get mad. Ad maybe you do care, and tat's why you'd like her to stop? I could be off base here. IN either case I'd say ignore her, and stop trying to figure out why she does the things she does. Obviously she is one twisted lady.

I'm sorry for what you've had to go through.

ummmmm, because she knows she made a huge mistake and wants you back....but doesn't want to look the fool, she wants you to want her back!!!!!!

wants to make you jealous cause she still cares about you - love triangle situation as well.

Giving time - she will crash.

Yup she is trying to make you react and obviously ants you to be jealous.You know because she hasn't done enough to you.Wtf is wrong with people!?It's disgusting

I agree. If she was really over you and moving on, she wouldn't care what you thought. But she wants to see some reaction because she cares what you think and wants some indication that you haven't moved on without her.

Here's a comment that will probably piss her off but you could tell her this when she tries to bring up dudes name -

Look, I've moved on without you - I hope you are able to do the same and can live, learn and grow from this whole experience - your petty bringing up of dudes name only reemphasizes to me what a blessing it is to only have you in my life in a limited bases.

Please try and be more mature when I am around you with the kids. I hope you find happiness.


that will pretty much piss her off.

Chances are she is in need of your attention. Did you care when it first happened? We are never ever to take blame for our spouses cheating but possibly she was desperate for attention before, during and now after the A.

Are you sure it's not that you do care? It would incredibly normal to care that she did the things she did.

Some people choose to move on and divorce and some choose to stay and rebuild. Neither choice is right or wrong. However both choices tend to be painful and emotional. I hope that you are truely facing the emotions and working through them so they don't pop up years from now when you are in a new relationship.

That said, nothing wrong with keeping your walls up around her and let her know that her personal life is her business and to bother you with it.

some people are twisted just enough to the point that whether they care or not is not the issue. it is that they want to do what ever they can to try to get a rise out of you. they are doing it for the reaction. and if no reaction happens, they will keep ratcheting it up until they either get a reaction and are satisfied, or they crash to the ground themselves.

distancemj is correct

My advice - stay above her - let her float around in the gutter and any of your comments should be based on you moving on and not wanting to engage her anymore as well as your morals and values just don't aline anymore.

She was lucky to have you for the time period she did.

For the most part, I think all the responses hit on a correct note! She sounds incredibly immature, totally an attention seeker, and low enough to mention her stupidity, that she's now after one of your friends!!!

Really!!! Jerry Springerism to the max. Like there are no other men in this world!!! Really???? That sounds a bit like trailer trash to me who wants and needs drama forever! I really do hope you move on, cuz this situation doesn't sound like it could ever land up good for you! Sorry for the brutal honesty, but just the fact that she's gotta sleep w/ your friend, really tells a tall tale.

Remember, when someone shows you who they are, believe it!!!

thanks everyone but now she took it to a whole new level, ight now i am so angry i cant even get into it, but ohh

I agree with most on here. She can't handle the fact that you're willing to move on and only wants to push your buttons and get a rise out of you. And the fact that she took it to a new level only proves that.

I've been on both sides of this. My ex-wife was the master at that. Even making sure my kids brought up his name and worse, nick naming him "Big Daddy"

In my present marriage I am the CS. I cringe anytime I hear the OW's name (VERY common btw) because I know it triggers my wife's PTSD. Even if my wife and I are talking about the affair I don't say the name. The last thing I want to do is push her.

My advise - bite your tongue, love your kids and only deal with her when it is absolutely unavoidable.

Early in my separation, I read an article here on DS saying that the cheaters want the left-behind spouse to accept their new reality. The article said that if the cheater can get the BS to accept the "new reality," then it alleviates the cheater's guilt. The cheater can say, "See, I was right to have this affair. See how accepting my BS is of my situation. He/she must have wanted out of the marriage too."

My ex does this too. In any correspondence, he feels like he has to bring up his skank ho/now wife's name. He is just trying to project the "new reality" on me. I simply ignore it.

Sending hugs!

She's hooked on being wanted, that's her source of esteem since she is running low on self esteem. You wanting her was not enough so she supplemented with someone else. That was enough until you didn't want her anymore. She lost a source of 'supply' and now she wants it back. When she finds someone other than your friend to supply her with external esteem she will no llnger need to be wanted by you and she will stop. If she loses another source she make come looking to you again. Like a drunk rummaging through the recyclong bin looking for a bottle that has a little left in it.

Yes fiber. You hit the nail on the head on this one. Chump Lady calls them "ego kibbles". Ego kibbles are very important chow for NPDs. Also why most of them try to eat cake. If you have the side dish and the main partner, then twice the kibbles for them!

It's time to starve her! Don't react at all and she'll move on to someone else to provide her with ego kibbles. Be happy you're rid of her!