In this case I can confidently say... You can do better and you will. But you're in the thick of it and you'll feel like you have no other options and that's normal. But it's looking like your husband doesn't feel remorse or compassion for you which is a clear sign that things will eventually look up for you as you leave him behind. Rooting for you! I highly recommend counseling if you have access to it and I hope you focus on you and your baby's wellbeing at this challenging time!

So sorry ur going through this. I too had a 1 year old when I found out. We're working on our relationship but only because my boyfriend is extremely renorsefull. Your husband is not renorsefull and please please don't let him crush any more of ur self esteem he already did. This is not ur fault. He choose to cheat he could have talked to you if he was unhappy but no he choose cheating. He is an absolute selfish jerk to hell at you and blame you. I know how hard this is but you can do it. Your a mom your so strong u don't need him to talk you down. Leave him. Move in with family or a friend or kick him out but don't let him push you into depression he's not worth it. Be strong. Your little one cannot grow up in a life where he sees that his dad treated his mom like a doormat. I know how tough that choice is with a 1 year old. I have been back and forward too between leaving or staying. It's so hard. But if you 2 stay together he needs to be remorseful and that's not what it sounds like. Please get STD tested asap . Be strong u can do this

Oh! The crazy days of babyhood and its effect on a marriage. While mine didn't cheat until the kids were a bit older, he was an absentee dad starting early on. These suggestions might be tough to hear, but know they're made from a place is love:....

Find a counselor. Many work on a sliding scale so that should not be a barrier. You wil need the support.

Two, find a legal service that will help with establishing child support and get your finances in order.

Third, the only appearance you need to worry about is yours. Any one who doesn't support you in your decision to not be second best is not a support to you. If YOU decide you want to work on reconciliation, so be it. If YOU decide no, then there you go. You owe yourself peace. Your child deserves safety, security and stability. Since he can't provide it bc he is so angry at you, you must. You are a wonderful kind woman who is right---you don't deserve his disrespect. He is the undeserving ass who broke your marriage with his penis going into someone else. Just that simple. Whatever his reasons (parenting is hard, she understood him, blah, blah), he needs to grow up. His choice is to do it now or after you've left. You can do this. Your choices are not limited to what he says. You are powerful and capable!!!
Go!! Do!!

Happiness is possible!!

I empathize with you. Being cheated on his a soul crushing pain and you need support. We are all her to lend an ear, but counseling would be useful as well if you can afford it or it is covered by insurance.

Aside from that it is not healthy for you or the child to be with such an abusive person. It will not allow you to heal properly or provide a good environment for your child to grow up in.

I just hope you have family/friends who can support you through this.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Your husband is EITHER: (1) confused, humiliated, disappointed in himself, remorseful but doesn't know how to express it, willing to put you and your child first and in the center of his universe, OR (2) an evil, unrepentant, narcissistic sociopath. It's one of the two. There is no "middle of the road" option. I strongly recommend marriage counseling. If he goes, then he might be #1. But if he refuses to go, then he is probably #2. In which case, RUN (do not walk) to a divorce lawyer. Good luck to you.

sorry you're going thru this. I will just say that if he was truly sorry he wouldn't be asking you to get over it. he would be so busy trying to make up and keep you happy. Go to therapy and learn to let go what is not good for you. Sorry to hear you're going thru this...

Good Luck

Thanks everyone. Working through it one day at a time. I spoke with my husband today. He told me that he is sooo sorry but my bringing it up everyday makes him feel like we'll never get through it. I

I totally get that, My husband told me as well he doesn't like talking about it everyday because he doesn't like to see it hurting me or making me cry. Also he doesn't like to think about it, but he told me if talking about it everyday is what I need to do then we can talk about. I wonder though too if bringing it up all the time is holding us back. I know it's important to talk through things but also we are trying to move forward. It's a crazy rollercoaster one I'm for sure ready to get off. What does he want does he want to work it out? Do you want to work through it. Are you going to therapy? Good luck, I hope for peace and strength for you.

We are trying to work it out. He says that while he understands I am hurting talking about it everyday isn't helping me to heal. He would rather plan dates and and try to step up to be better than before. We've tried therapy but I'm a social worker and every time a therapist hears this the make it very clear they are on my side..

Are you sure he isn't still cheating?

Your H's behavior sounds very much like my husband's. My H refused to talk about the A, verbally attacked me when I tried to bring it up, acted like everything was just fine between us and all the while he was still involved with the OW.

Be careful. Protect yourself and your child.

Checking back bc I was genuinely worried.

I don't like the sound of things. Have you tried individual counseling yet? I'm concerned that you have no one to talk with---we're great and all, but I don't like my feeling he's isolating you. As a social worker, you know people LIE to get away from their misdeeds. He's not being genuine and I'm afraid for you and your child. Please confide in someone what's going on so you have a safety net. Wounded healers are the worst clients. This I know.
Be safe.

Thank you everyone

Your husband is trying to dictate what helps you heal instead of being sympathetic to what you are requesting.

That is controlling and shows ongoing selfishness that is inherent in those who cheat. At this point he doesn't fully understand the destruction and pain he has brought into your life, I hope he does soon or at least is capable of that level of empathy.

He's just trying to avoid the consequences of his actions and to not feel bad about himself. Another core characteristic of a cheater is cowardice and poor self esteem.

Please read "leave a cheater, get a life". It is xhabging my life.
He problem with cheating is that they feel entitled to do it for whatever reason. They don't understand the pain. Staying with him out of fear does not sound like a happy ending. Lawyer up. Im doing it next October 6th.

a man does not constantly disrespect the person he made vows with and "fathered" an innocent soul with
the person you are married to
does not love you
is not a man, husband nor father

let that sink in