Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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RockNMetalChic 04/21/2008

I'd like to first say- I'm Sorry, though i know this does not make up for anything... i had an affair for a year with a married man- who i fell madly in love with.... of course that saying comes to mind- when u play with fire- ur gonna get burned- i look at my ashes in the mirror everyday- and i see a horrible person- who did a horrible thing and regrets every minute/ every second of this... though i would like to also say- other women- most of us- don't plan on being other women- we don't go out looking for married men- if they aren't wearing a ring/ they represent themselves as single/ call 24-7 and appear to have nobody else at home- we just can't read minds and know they are married.... the only way i found out was when his wife called me and told me who she was - we cried together- we hugged each other- she told me to love him and i told her i couldn't cause he loves her... and so i did the only thing i could do- i set him free- not cause i wanted to- but cause i had to ... my heart hurts in this- and i'm a human being too. and i'm tired of being treated like an animal - do u not think i beat myself up for this everyday? do u know that i don't forgive me- i don't want u to forgive me and i don't ask god to accept this or forgive me- i'm not coldhearted, i cry for the pain that i've caused and i pay for it daily- i will not open my heart up and love anyone ever again- cause i'm afraid of trusting anyone who says they are single... i have to replay that song "Stay" by Sugarland everyday- only its my life for the past year! and it blows! i have decided to stay lonely and alone- cause i can't face hurting anyone else- and if u are hurting and want to beat someone verbally- please let it be me.... just so u can bash me personally my name is Brandi... and yes i am the biggest idiot and i'm stupid and a fool- the biggest fool.....since i'm nobody and my heart is not real and i have no feelings then when u judge me- it shouldn't hurt anyways-- so go ahead.... just thought i would share how it feels from this side.... if u don't want me on this board please just let me know in a private message and i'll delete my membership... thank u in advance for ur time and attention to this and no matter what u say to me- big hugs and much luv to you all and i'm sorry if any of you are going through the pain of being cheated on.. its not right and nobody should ever feel this pain from any side of this situation.....

deleted_user 04/21/2008

I won't bash you. How were you to know that he was married. And even if you did know, you were only partly responsible. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I spoke with the OM and he stated that he hates himself to the core. That sucks. What I can tell you is that punishing yourself will only diminish your self worth and people who have low self worth will end up doing things that hurt others. If your intent is to not hurt someone again, then start with not hurting yourself.

RockNMetalChic 04/21/2008

but if i only hurt me- i can't hurt anyone else- if i shut myself off from love and caring - then i can't hurt anyone else again- i hate that i hurt her and i hate that he hurt her and i hate that we did that together...

deleted_user 04/21/2008

My experience has made me understand its not the fault of the OM/OW. This is all the fault of the cheater. During our pain we look for someone to direct the pain and OM/OW is the logical thing. But if the cheater had true love for his/her spouse this would never happen. As for you at the end you will never trust because of your actions. Also I'm a big believer of what goes around comes around. I hope you find peace.

deleted_user 04/21/2008

it is false thinking to believe that you can ever only hurt yourself. surely other people care about you. and, again, hurting yourself will cause you to do something again that you wish you wouldn't have done. it's not the answer and it does no one any good when you hate yourself. if we (as the betrayed spouses) can get over the amazingly deep pain, you can surely get over this.

RockNMetalChic 04/21/2008

i can do this without hurting others- i tell my family and friends i love them- but i don't have to ever love a man ever again- i can't trust them- i just can't- they will tell me they are single and they won't be and i can't do this to anyone else- Karen didn't deserve this......and neither does anyone else

RockNMetalChic 04/21/2008

if i've learned one thing from being the other woman- its that i'm not supposed to have a broken heart or be hurting- so in that way i'm not hurting me- cause i have no feelings anyways and i'm not human......

special3 04/21/2008

LISTEN, Don't Be So Hard On Yourself!

You had NO idea he was married.
Cheaters are very good at lieing! Ask any of us married to one!!! I lived with one having a 4 1/2 year affair with someone I thought was my best friend. And I didn't know!!!
How in the world were you suppose to know!
Be glad now-you know the truth. And be glad you are rid of that JERK!
He is not worth wasting your emotional energy on.
If you were the OW in my H's life. I would forgive you just as I have forgiven my H. Because you didn't know and he is a excellant liar.
Give yourself time to heal, get some counseling. And enjoy your life. Someday you'll be able to trust again.

RockNMetalChic 04/21/2008

why should i go to counseling- i'm told i have no feelings to deal with- i should just get over it- my heart is not broken and i can't possibly be in an emotional pain... but i do believe i deserve everything i'm going through- my pain is my lesson

justtired08 04/21/2008

You found out he was married from his wife, you talked, and cried, and consoled each other. You made the right choice and cut your ties with him. You are a remarkable valuable, respectable person. I just wish there was more people out there like you. I hope you finally will feel, that this is not your fault, and you are someone that I respect. The OtherWomen my husband was with, not only knew he was married, but was also his ex's, and had called me a friend, until he told them he wasn't happy, wanted to leave the usually thing they say to get what they want. So, you are anything but horrible. God's love is with you. Wow what a strong person you are. Look in the mirror, and see worth!!

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Your situation was different than alot of ours with the OW. Many OW get involved with a married man knowing he is married. When I was single and dating before I got married or met my H, I dated this guy who I was crazy about. I slept with him, just to find out afterwards from someone else he was ENGAGED!. Well, I ripped him a new a-hole and kicked him to the curb. It sucks, I know. You were manipulated like his wife. I will say though, you will work through this and become a stronger person. You will also walk out of this wiser (like we all will) and will be able to see the signs more clearly.
You are obviously not a bad person, just human and believed the man you loved, which we all did here! We were all lied to.
Good luck and much peace to you.

special3 04/21/2008

You should go to counseling because you do have feelings & a broken heart. Counseling will help you through this emotional pain.

Like srsnde said: You are the exception not the rule..
most women know.

RockNMetalChic 04/21/2008

but i kept it going after i did know and she and i both took him back countless times - back and forth- she would call me and i'd call her- see i'm a horrible person......

deleted_user 04/21/2008

Just so you know...a ring on or off is not a tell tale sign if a person is married. My husband has arthritis and CAN'T wear his ring. The woman he is with is a former co-worker and knew he was married, she even met me a few times. I just with the people who get involved with a married person would realize that with their selfishness they are hurting so many other people. You apparently didn't know your man was married so he lied to you. My husband's affiar knows he is married and has a child and SHE si the one who is hurt the most by all of this, not me.

needhelp62 04/21/2008

My only question is while you were with this man you COULDN'T have gone to his home. If you had, his wife would have been there, correct? How could you not know he was married if you never shared HIS bed?

deleted_user 04/21/2008

This is not the kind of post that brings about anger in our community. You were a victim. There are OW who go into it fully knowing that the man is married, some are even friends with the wives. But, you did not know. Obviously, your pain is real and it hurts.

So, I hope you can get the support you need. You shouldn't even be labeled as the OW. You stopped HIS affair when you found out. You did the right thing. This one is ALL on his head. Don't blame yourself. Learn from it and go on. And, not all men and lying, cheating, manipulating, selfish idiots. We definitely have our share of them. But, there are still good people out there. Maybe go into the next one a little wiser and check into it a bit more. But, don't write all of them off the list just because you found one worm in the apple.

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