Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have read a lot of the posts here from people that have been hurt by their cheating spouse and the thought occured to me that it is the turst that is placed in the cheating spouse that provides the doorway for the cheater to "cheat" and is also at the root of the profound pain that so many of us feel.
We trusted our spouse when we were told they had to work late ... or go on a business trip ... or help a friend out. We believed in our spouse and trusted that what they were telling us was the truth. The cheater uses that trust to take advantage, lie, and use those opportunities to step out and cheat. Once the betrayal of the marital vows is revealed, the pain of the betrayal of trust hits with full force.
Therein lies the true damage of infidelity. You can't have a successful relationship with someone that you can't trust. To feel safe and secure in the relationship you need to feel that you can trust your spouse and that they can trust you. Once someone has been cheated on, it becomes very difficult to trust again. This makes it very difficult to have a healthy relationship with anyone else.
I was just curious if anyone agrees with this ...
We trusted our spouse when we were told they had to work late ... or go on a business trip ... or help a friend out. We believed in our spouse and trusted that what they were telling us was the truth. The cheater uses that trust to take advantage, lie, and use those opportunities to step out and cheat. Once the betrayal of the marital vows is revealed, the pain of the betrayal of trust hits with full force.
Therein lies the true damage of infidelity. You can't have a successful relationship with someone that you can't trust. To feel safe and secure in the relationship you need to feel that you can trust your spouse and that they can trust you. Once someone has been cheated on, it becomes very difficult to trust again. This makes it very difficult to have a healthy relationship with anyone else.
I was just curious if anyone agrees with this ...
Take for example for ex fiance. He had to attend an "online course" in class. HAHA.
Obviously, I didn't believe that, and he was PISSED that I posted on a community forum just one day after he cheated on me and voiced that I believed he WAS.
Sometimes, honestly, they just dont care if you know. I was calling my ex out left and right. And he was lying left and right. He was intentionally hurting me to satisfy his selfish needs, at any costs. Even to the point of abusing me.
So sometimes its not just because they feel we trust them. Sometimes? Honestly? They just don't care.
(Not to get too far afield, but remember those polls shortly after 9/11 when a fairly high percentage of Americans reported that they would give up more personal freedoms for increased security? Some people said things like, "I have nothing to hide. So what if the government wants to listen to all my telephone conversations?" Well, I mind. I'll take my chances with terrorists rather than live with Big Brother).
I trusted my husband completely.
When we were first married, I held back a little because I had been crushed by my first husband's affairs.
It took a few years before I trusted my new husband completely.
As the years went by, I knew I could trust him and that he would never cheat. He was an honorable man.
All the trust I invested in him, all the attention I gave him, led him to believe that I would trust him unconditionally and pretty much opened the door for him to have an on-going affair with my best friend for 8 years before I caught them together (totally by accident).
We had a great marriage. We had great sex. We were very close - even during the time he was having the affair (because I didn't know it was happening).
He took advantage of the fact that I trusted him completely, as did my best friend since I was 6 years old.
I will never be able to have close friends again, and I will never trust my husband again, although he thinks everything is great.
We worked things out and stayed together, but if I had been 10 years younger, it wouldn't have turned out that way.
Our relationship was built on trust, and ironically, trust is the thing that destroyed our marriage.
We will stay together and we are good friends, but he can't hurt me anymore than he already has.
Yes, trust is the reason they can get away with their dual lives for so long. People I know who are not so naive and trusting, watch their partner. They dont obsess, they just have their antenna up and if they see a friendship or sense something inappropriate, they nip it in the bud! Not even directly, they just, if possible, find a way for their partner to be seperated from the source of temptation.
These spouses and S.O's are much more realistic and much less idealistic, than I WAS. They assume that their partner will be attracted to another, dont take it personally and take whatever action needed to reduce the liklihood of an affair occuring.
I feel that my trust was exploited by my husband, naivete was a means in which he could take advantage of me and keep me in the dark, regarding his true nature.
I am glad for one thing. I will never be naive and trusting again, of anyone. Knowing what I know now, that even if someone appears to be loyal and steadfast, almost anyone is capable of cruel lies and betrayal.
I never thought he would do this to me, but now I know that he did and would probably do it again...
Yes, I am staying with him because I love him, but completely trust him.... NO WAY!