G'day Hardtostay.

This is why i don't visit as often as I used to. I would love to try to help others and perhaps share some of my experiences and new found knowledge but there are just too many similarities (triggers) in the behaviour patterns of cheating basterds and it is just too hard.

good luck to you mate,

mick

I hear ya and am with Mick. Sometimes, coming here just brings too many things BACK that I need to stay behind me.

If it helps you, continue it. If it hurts you, don't do it.

Sending support, L~

I am with L and hairymick,
I need to stay away at times too. I come back because I want to give back. The people on this site helped me sooo much so I want to try and do the same for others but if I feel myself get into that hole I stop coming for a while and when I am in a better place I come back....
That seems to work for me

Yup. Totally agree. This is also why I don't visit as often.

It is hard to read these stories sometimes.

Completely agree with all the others. I often come to just check on my few friends I stay in contact with. Often, I dont even read the discussion posts because I don't want to get all worked up.

Ya, same for me. I always end up regretting reading too much when I am here. I usually enter a journal here and there, and move on or off of it. But my curiosity gets the best of me at times and I head to the topics and here I am today... I know I will regret it as I already do from an earlier topic I read. UGGGH. I need you guys, yet I don't want to read this stuff sometimes. It's hard, hang in there.

I'm the same. As much as I like to hear people succeeding in reconciling I have difficulty because my marriage didn't survive. Then there are those of us who are divorced and the stories are ALL the same. The patterns continue.

I wonder if we could possibly start a new group, where it isn't just all about infidelity...I don't know just a thought. I love hearing from you all and keeping up with your lives. Gives me hope....

I've been thinking the same thing Flutter... It would be good to start a board just to "chat" with each other that isn't focused on the Infidelity... I think that's why Rules "What would it be like" post did so well...

it's hard to stay in this "muck" all the time... Even for me...

I myself have thought about leaving for this reason. It does bring me down to see more people coming here everyday. It makes me wonder what is wrong with people in general. Things in my life are going so well right now with regards to my marriage and I'm trying to stop reliving the horror of what has happened this year. At the same time, I've made so many great friends and I like being able to offer hope to those who need it.

I have been considering away from this addiction myself.

I find that when I stay away, It is hard to focus on the fact that I am still being lied to. Out of sight out of mind, right. That only helps the cheaters, because we tend to lay off and only see what is right there in front of us now. Not sure that is the way it should be. Until, I get complete honesty, I need to me reminded of what a mess this marriage is. She wont be reminding me what an eff up she is, that is foe sure.

I feel you on this one...I have just turned a bit of a corner in the last few days and reading some of the discussions just stirs my pot again. I am going to stay away from them for a bit and just chat with friends, send hugs as needed and try to help those who are really in need. I feel like somebody helped me and I need to give back.

I think this sight has its uses and its vices. There are times that I log on here and realize just how far I have come. I can remember so well the first time when I found this site. I was searching the internet like a mad woman just trying to make some sense out of the chaos that had become my emotions! I was so lost and so freaked out!!!! I couldnt tell what was real and what wasnt! I wasnt sure of what I was feeling from one minute to the next and not sure how in the world I would make it through it all. Being on here actually helped me work through so many things. I learned that my husband cheating didnt mean that he didnt love me or that our marriage was doomed and it didnt mean that I was some kind of doormat if I made the choice to try and work through our problems instead of kicking him to the curb! I actually found myself feeling grateful at times because some of the stories I read were so awful and I realized that my h actually woke the hell up alot faster than many did! We used the site to read through some of the posts so he could understand that I was NOT crazy and that it was going to be a very long long road and not us doing some talking and then getting over it like he had actually HOPED it would be! lol.... He also learned that my feelings were very normal and that I was not losing my mind when I would suddenly go off and lose it just when he thought I had a handle on things. I have to say that I was a little worried at times myself during a few of those occasions.

This was a very very painful experience for both of us. But I think I might still be floundering around had I not found my way here. But as I said at the beginning. It has its merits and its vices. I dont think reliving a time when you were in so much pain often is a healthy thing. I also dont think I have had enough time passing that hanging around here on a regular basis would be helpful. There are times that I just need to put a little more distance between me and the memory of that pain. I have enough issues that are with me that I can not as easily turn away from so I take advantage of those that I can.

i guess i really am different than everyone else. when i see the similiarities they give me hope. also, i think that the more i understand that everyone feels and reacts differently the less i am angry and ashamed of my own feelings and reactions. i think if reading this is a trigger, maybe u have been trying to suppress ur feelings and this makes u confront them. i disagree with everone else. the harder it is to read, maybe the more u need to read it. just the opinion of a first timer to support gruops but a BS for 12 years.

First of all thank you so much for your thoughts and suggestions. I consider you all as very close friends (you guys know so much of me and my secrets!). I agree that DS is a savior and a scary group all together. And notsurewat2do I agree with you as well. Maybe I need to confront some of these emotions that I've jammed down and supressed so deeply. Maybe I'm afraid to be confrontational (if thats a word). Maybe there's some deep questions I need to have answered. And to tell you the truth, there are days when I can be strong and confident and others when I question everything about my life and marriage.

You guys are all so great! I do like the idea of starting a new forum that is just light and easy with my friends. Jokes and laughter is great therapy for me at times! Very interesting! Is it easy to start a group like this?

Thank you all!