My opinion is that she has a right to know. What if he's brining home diseases to her and she has no clue? Your husband and his friend have no right to take away the rights if his wife. This is something she needs to know. If I were you, I would tell your husband's friend that you are going to tell his wife what he's done. Give him the chance to make it right. If he doesn't, then tell her. You're not doing her a favor by keeping it quiet.

Blarney, I don't think it's your place to tell. What I would do if I were you is go to her husband and give in a set amount of time to tell her...and let him know that if he doesn't tell her in that time frame, that YOU will be the one to tell her. She deserves to hear it from him so give him that option. Because I do believe she has the right to know.

I wish someone would have left me an anonymous note and I wish they would have done it a long time ago. I look back now and see how many people held the secret for her and I feel they are complicit in her affair. Do her a favor and do yourself a favor and tell.

My only concern here is that your husbands friend was also doing what your husband was doing. He may have said that just as you said to diminish his guilt. unless you have proof he was out there doing the same I would reconsider saying anything to her.

i think you should tell her but dont expect her to believe you.he might worm his way out of it.but i would want to know then its up to her what she does with the information.

Elizabeth...the friend WAS cheating just as my husband was..it wasn't just playing around on the internet. This is why I have such a conflict over this. I sure wish someone would have told me.....even annonamously. Kimmy99.....last night I did tell my H that I wanted him to tell his friend what I am considering and take it from there. I would certainly hope that he would take the high road but then cheaters take the sleezy, muddy, easy road to avoid getting caught. This is very troubling to my H now because he considered this person a friend and he will be hurting him with all of this. Both of the H's couldn't feel bad enough for me. They deserve each other. I only have concern over the wife and her life..the thought of her feeling as badly as me is very upsetting...but like I said, I wish someone would have told me 5 years ago.

Sit down with hubby and his friend and tell them that you are telling the wife. You will learn then if your hubby was lying. If he wasn't, then yes yes tell the wife!
Just be sure that your safety is protected while you take this strong step. In other words, are either of these men violent?

But should the wife be told? Absolutely. In fact everyone should be told.

hugs

I wish someone would have cared enough about me to tell me. I know now, after the fact that people knew about my husband's affair, and kept it from me to keep from hurting me.
Imagine how I felt when I found out that so many people that were so-called friends of mine, concealed their knowledge of the affair. I felt betrayed by all my friends, and I no longer have any friends.
How could I remain friends with people who had first hand knowledge of the affair, had actually seen them together, and never let me know?
My health was at stake, and not one of my friends even thought of that.
In this day and age, with so many diseases out there, what would you want? At least a chance to decide for yourself whether to continue having relations with a person who was unfaithful?
I can almost guarantee that you will lose her friendship, but would you rather be a part of causing her to lose her health?
Personally, I would tell. She deserves to know.
You didn't cause this situation, the husbands did, and they set themselves up for a fall. They should be held accountable for their actions.
Whether the other couple can work things out or not shouldn't be your concern.
Your concern should be for the other wife and her health.
Being betrayed by one's spouse is devastating enough. Being betrayed by one's friends just pours salt in the wound.
I wish to God that someone would have told me.

The woman has every right to know. She is going to feel terrible help stop her pain NOW!! What I would do is tell your husband you want his "friend" to come over and talk to him. Let him know what you know and since you know the hurt first hand his wife needs to know NOW!! Tell him he needs to tell and then you will do a follow up call in a week to see if you can help her deal with it. Make him tell her. If your husband freaks out ask him why? If him and his friend went out and played together and got into trouble shouldn't both of them be in the same boat? If the husband doesn't tell his wife I would. GOOD LUCK !!! (I guess your husband needs to know they didn't plan things out very well !!)

tearful....that is what is so pathetic....they didn't plan a thing. It was like they were teenagers instead of 50 somethings....just playing with fire. They never, ever, ever thought they would get caught and it had just become such a normal part of their lives they didn't even feel it was such a bad thing...at the time....my how things have changed now!!! Thanks for all the advice everyone.

blarney..You said they were acting like teenagers, oh how true !!! Like going out on Friday night and egging cars or smoking in the bathroom at school. Oh the thrill of it .THEN shit hits the fan when their caught and getting into trouble, and when they go ( my husband, anyways) I wasn't thinking!!! I have 3 boys, I don't want to have to watch my husband like one of them. But my husband acted like one.The worst one too. All fun & games until caight. then they can't understand why we are so pissed!!! I think it goes with the mind set of a cheater. I think in their little peas brain, they are missing a few. But then what happened with my husband he thought with his other head and really got into trouble.

Well as I was the one that cheated here heres a reply from the other side.I wish I had handled it different and told everyone right up front it would have saved everyone I hurt alot of extra hurt.Yeah she has the right to know,wouldn't you want to know.My wife now knows as do my daughters and yeah we are seperated but we are talking and after 28 years of marriage I am hoping we can atleast come out of this as friends.If it was me I would say something , sometimes there is only black nd white and this is one of those times.

Hey confused...Do you think by handling it differently would mean NOT TO CHEAT ?

Thanks for getting on here and posting your thoughts from the "otherside" The best of luck to you.

I agree that her H should tell her. He has done the crime...but she should know. I think its a great idea to be a support to her and tell her if he didn't. This happened in my house. Someone told my H they were going to tell if he didn't. He didn't and then I got the call...I would've rather heard it from my H. I sounded like an idiot when the person called me.

Tell her. She deserves to know. I'm sure you wish someone told you. She can do what she wants with the information.