Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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they dont get it do they

mrwojo
mrwojo
I am still so angry with my wife most of the time that I think my head may explode . To be quite honest if I hear 1 more time how hard this is on her or how she is mad as well I may just end up in a rubber room. My W is going to personal counciling and well it is very tormentfull at this point with the many many yet unresloved issues in her past. Her councilor doesnt think marriage counciling is a good idea until they get some things worked on for her. While I agree that she needs to tackle some issues inside I also beileve that by us not going to counciling I must sit back and wait to truelly tackle the problems in our marriage. I am so frustrated with all the things I must endure and that have and are being done to me against my will that I truelly beileve that to try and work through this may be the hardest thing I will ever do. Whenever I have done something to hurt my W I.E. gotten angry and said things I knew would be hurtfull and that kinda stuff , I have always had such guilt afterwords that I went out of my way to make her understand that I was sorry and that I truelly loved her and wanted to make it up to her. My wife now does nothing of the such. She comes home from work and mopes around the house and when I plan a special day for us she finds excuses not to go . Just over a month ago I found out about the affair and in that time I have seen very little effort to improve our marriage and find that we are right back where we were prior to finding out. At least if we dont make it I will know that I have tried to find a marriage inside all the hurt and anger. I know that this is more a ramble than a post but I think I just needed to write down my thoughts . I find that when I get these thoughts out and not keep them in I tend to be more stable. I know that just spewing your thoughts is something you do with your best friend but unfortunately my wife was my best friend and well I cant really talk to her about this stuff as I would be bringing it up again and that isnt helpfull . As she has told me. Personally when you cheat you should have to have it brought up to you at least 20 times a minute until you can truelly understand what it is that we have to go thru. I know I love my wife I truellly hope that we can make it work but I am afraid that in the end we will find out that we dont really have much to try and save.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's a risk you will have to decide if it's worth taking...

Your not foolish for writing down your thoughts. I love to write in so many ways whether it's sorting problems or just talking to myself. Hope you can sort things out that is best for you both. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You truly love your wife but you would also like to remind her that she cheated on your 20 times a minute?

Do you want to keep her around so you can provide detailed accounts of her offenses?

Generosity of spirit is hard to come by. Maybe you could focus for a while on what made you fall in love with this woman in the first place, and remind her of that 20 times a minute.

Or not.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mr Wojo, After I found out about my wifes affair, we agreed to a reconciliation. Easier said than done. The first few months were awful. I truly didnt think we could do it. We ended up seperating for a few months and that allowed us to clear our heads and see what we really wanted. Now 10 months later, things are alot better. We still have alot of work to do to get the trust back. What Im trying to say is that time does help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
MrWojo, are you talking to a counselor for yourself? I would recommend that. It has helped me immensely.

Venting here is good, by the way.

One thing to remember; if both people aren't working on the marriage, you may be fighting for the wrong thing.

Take care and good luck!
mrwojo
mrwojo
I appreciate all the coments. I do see a shrink for myself and have done so for years. I am at a loss as to what to do. I try and explain to my wife that things are not going in the direction that I would like to see and she doesnt understand. I tell her that I am lonely and her response is we have been together all day how can you be lonely. She doesnt get that you can be with someone and not feel the love from them and you can be lonely. Only one that has experienced being lonely in a room full of ppl can truelly understand. I guess now i need to figure out is it better to be lonely with someone or lonely all by yourself.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"they don't get it do they"---They could only understand if it happened to them.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i totaly get you. she has this over and done attitude towards it. she acts all put out if i even HINT at it bothering me. i realy think sence it didnt hurt her she doesnt understand how baddly it hurt me. i feel like im a house of cards on good days. and she acts like im stupid for doubting her or a jerk for being suspicious.
mrwojo
mrwojo
yah my wife said she wants to go shopping with her sister today. Ordinarily that wouldnt be a problem but as last year she used that excuse and went and saw her bf , it kinda makes nme nervous. I honestly told her in the nicest way that I could that it made me nervous and you would have thought I called her a bad name. Huffing and puffing this is rediculous. I just explained to her that it has only been a month since I found out and that there are some trust issues. She just doesnt get it. I think she wants to make it work with me but figures I should just accept what happened and move on , not another thought of it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Mr Wojo, my W also gets angry when we talk about it, especially the trust issues. She totally has the 'I'm over it' attitude because the affair was over for 4 months before I even found out!

I agree with the others that they will never understand, just like we can never understand why they did what they did; we didn't make that journey and, despite them seeing our pain every day, they're not taking our journey.

I've been reading a lot of books to help me but one that helped her to understand is "After the Affair." It reads like a transcript of my life. If you can get her to give it a read with a compassionate heart she may gain a little understanding and, more importantly, realize that your feelings are universal; common to all of us who have been hurt this way. It made my W understand, at least, that it's not just me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
its so funny how all of us, men and women, young and old, feel and experience the same stuff. iv said it b4 and ill say it again; if she would just act like she would die without me, that i am her sexy superman, i would feel so much better. this weekend she didnt make me feel atractive. i had to practicly beat compliments from her. her response is to tell me about how she is nt having contact with him. which is great and all but i want to feel like she wants ME!
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