Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Okay. Let me clear the air by saying that my H is the one and only man I have ever slept with, ever even come close. After finding out about his A, I got tested for STD's, and the results came back positive for Herpes. It's quite devastating, but manageable. And it could always be a lot worse.
However, I am torn as to whether I should contact the OW and let her know. I urged my H to do so, and he refused. He also refuses to get tested himself. Out of good conscience, I feel she needs to know because she is obviously a carrier, spreading it to her other victims. But my counselor advised me that by doing so, I was opening up to the OW on a personal level that she doesn't need to be a part of, that my H needs to be the one to do it. As I said, he won't.
Any thoughts?
However, I am torn as to whether I should contact the OW and let her know. I urged my H to do so, and he refused. He also refuses to get tested himself. Out of good conscience, I feel she needs to know because she is obviously a carrier, spreading it to her other victims. But my counselor advised me that by doing so, I was opening up to the OW on a personal level that she doesn't need to be a part of, that my H needs to be the one to do it. As I said, he won't.
Any thoughts?
If it were me, I'd tell her but I agree with 2bhealed, I'd try to do it in a way that makes it hard or impossible for her to contact you back. A note, open a new email and use it to contact her. if she writes back, you can close the account. Call from a pay phone.
I would tell her but I agree. I wouldn't want to open myself up to her emotionally. I would be matter of fact.... this is the truth, I suggest you go get tested. End of story.
Good luck to you! Sending support and hugs!
Yes...she should be told before the little hussy spreads it all over town.
I am so sorry that this has happened to you and of course Herpes won't kill you as another said but I'd be devastated by this if it were me. Like you I have never slept with another man not ever. I was fortunate in one way that I didn't catch anything from my H's affair.
I do think it's up to your H to contact her and inform her but she may already know she has herpes and doesn't care who else has it either. It's their warped way of thinking!
If your H does inform her make sure he does it by phone whilst you stand with him so there is nothing else to hide from you.
I understand why you want to inform her because you are a decent human being who considers other people. Woman like her only think of themselves!
I don't see that you contacting her is on a personal level, it's not as if you're going to lunch with her. There are a few suggestions here as to what you can do so maybe you could consider one of the things that doesn't involve seeing her face to face.
God bless my friend, you take care of you.
Affable
I don't mean to upset you or anyone else. But I were you, I will check everything else....any other STD's if that's possible.
OW needs to be stopped. Who knows what else she is carrying.....
This is one more thing I hate cheating. It just adds more innocent victims to the list.
I would contact her and if she is married I would contact her husband first.
Good Luck.
I think it's so irresponsible of your H to just close the door on all this garbage. That is like saying it's there, but we won't talk about it or discuss it. He is putting people's health at risk.
The OW needs to know. Period. You don't have to have an 'up close and personal' with her. You don't have to be her friend. All you need to do is be the responsible adult in this scene. That is what you are already doing.
Write her a letter and have it mailed to her house or something. YOu don't need to hear her voice or anything. She just needs to be informed, that's all.
Sending support your way, L~
Of course, earlier this week I had surgery to remove a tumor from my abdomen. I wanted so much for my H to be there, to see the shame of when I signed the papers that had to do with my herpes and blood transferring. Of course, he wasn't there. He conveniently made up an excuse at the last minute as to why he couldn't come. Luckily, his parents stepped up and were there for me. My parents, who live 300 miles away, came up that evening and stayed until yesterday.
On the bright side, the day that I went in for my STD testing, I casually mentioned to my doctor that I had never had chicken pox, and was worried about contracting it as an adult. So he went ahead and tested my blood for it too, and it came back showing a natural immunity to chicken pox! yeah! And I was tested for every kind of STD known to man, and all the rest came up negative. I always have to find the bright side of everything, even though I married a bastard!
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!
It is possible that your H gave it to her as well as you. Are you sure he only cheated with her?
Not to open a can of worms here, but...
I'll let you guys know how everything goes.
Thanks for the support!
I hope you're feeling more comfortable after your surgery, how brave you were.
I think the way you have handled this problem is commendable; you're one decent, thoughtful woman.
Yes do let us know how you get on.
Well done you!
Affable
I hope your H does too...does he have one idea how freaking special you are????
L~