She didn't dump you, dear. She set you free! Free from having your nerves on edge; free from suspecting the worst; free from being with a person who is not worthy of your love and monogamy. Now, you're free to explore what a good R feels like.

Don't worry about her. The karma bus will be making a scheduled pickup at her stop one of these days. So, don't work yourself up about getting revenge. The best revenge is success. Keep moving forward with your life. She'll regret her choices, and she might even tell you to your face. Just know that you can't find the right person while trying to hold onto (physically and mentally) to the wrong one. I feel like she got out of your way, so that the real love of your life can step forward.

I wish you peace. Go to your destiny.

Thanks Hmph. This really helps. I do want to tell her that I know about all the cheating and lying, but leave it at that. And say to her that I know that this was the real reason she left me, not the list of things she says I did wrong. I didn't cheat and I didn't lie. I was sick and she found someone else.

The more the lying the more the dependence. People lie to protect themselves. If you found out from the get go, the begining of the affair, what would she have stood to lose? Hmph is right. She set you free. That period when you uncovered all the lies will haunt you for a while. If you let it, it will haunt you longer. Get rid of anything left of her in your house and move on. And when thoughts of her come in your head, push them out like a rotten tomato.

This hurts so much. She was a good friend for 1o years. Really close. And she said I was the love of her life. I cant stop crying. I just cant believe she did this. I will try to keep her off my head, I have torn and thrown away all of her pictures and albums she sent me of us together.

Wow.

When someone shows you who they are, feel free to believe them.

If it were me, I would have to tell her that I know all about her shit. And then I would say, 'woman, you aren't worth it.'

Sending you support, L~

L is right. Take your power back. Show her that you don't need her . She's missing a sensitivity chip. It's more common than you think. We've all been there.
Cheaters say a lot of stuff , and some of them even believe what they're saying. But their actions always tell on them.

I REALLY HATE HER RIGHT NOW. I cant believe what she did to me, after she said for so many years that I was the love of her life and when we finally get together she leaves with my best friend, the first asshole that came around. NOW I REALIZE HOW SHE HAD BEEN LYING TO ME FOR A LONG TIME.. SHE IS SUCH A GOOD LIAR. I WAS SO TRUSTING BECAUSE I LOVED HER. FUCK. LIVE IS SO UNFAIR. now they are spending the weekend together fucking while I am all alone.

Nothing wrong with being mad. We get mad around her all the time.

Really, don't kick yourself too hard for believing her either. She was your partner - you are SUPPOSED to be able to trust your partner.

You didn't see this? Dont kick yourself there either. She worked REAL hard to make sure you didn't see it.

Look at it like this (or try to, in time). She is not with you anymore, and sometimes that is easier than living this lie that she turned your relationship into. At least now, you have the truth of the situation. The whole truth.

...and the truth is pretty powerful.

I stand by my post, Slick. Tell her that you know the whole deal and tell her she's not worth it. At all.

Sending you support, L~

Why do you think she is doing this? Did something set her off or did you 2 have some big fight? This story seems so one sided that I can't even give a comment. She has kids w/ another guy, I see. How did the 2 of you end up getting back together?

We all know the pain caused by someone's careless actions. I wish I had the magic button to press for ya.

Thank you Lstecker. I really appreciate your support. I cry often. I still can't believe what happened. My gf from high school who said I was the love of her life cheating on me with my best friend from hs. I hope they both rot in hell.

gabr, they just may. Who knows?

L~

I hear you, man. It wasn't the cheating itself that pissed me off with my X husband as much as the planned lying, sneaking, and hiding that was involved in it. Damn, if people put as much energy into communicating as they can into hiding and lying, the divorce rate would probably be a lot lower than it is :)

Be happy you cut that loose. Staying with her would be all kinds of issues with trust etc...cutting her loose let's you start over, starting with you, and with your self-respect still intact.

That really sucks. Been there. Done that. Got the broken heart. I will agree, one of the hardest things to believe and accept is that my wife, my closest friend of 29 years, had been leading a secret life for seven months behind my back. Discovering her affair hit me like a ton of bricks. No pain like it.

Our circumstances are different in other ways, though. My wife didn't run off with the OM, and she's done everything she needed to do to rebuild, and we're doing well now, just past 11 months since dday. But your wife sounds like the exact opposite. Unless she comes to her senses in due time, there's not much you can do.

But I would say to do the following, when you get past this initial shock and anger enough to focus on it.

1) Don't initiate any divorce proceedings yet. Plan on giving it at least three months. Six is often given as a good goal to be sure. However, I would advise, when you are ready, to meet with a lawyer to get acquainted with your options, what the cost is likely to be, both in money and custody and property divisions, child support, alimony, etc. In some states there are cheaper divorce options. You don't have to start the divorce until your ready, but it doesn't hurt to know all the ducks you need to have in a row should you decide to go down that road. And it is best to let the dust settle emotionally so you can approach this with a clearer head. Also, good idea to make sure your money is separate from hers, so she can't drain your account. Gradually prepare yourself to stand on your own two feet without her, so you'll be ready if that's where this ultimately heads.

2) Take the next three months to read up on this subject, so you'll understand not only what is going on with you, but also her, potentially. A good book to start with is "Not Just Friends."

3) Seek out some individual counseling. Preferably from one experienced in marital infidelity issues. He or she can be a big help in dealing not only with the roller coaster emotions you are working through now, but can give you guidance in moving forward without her, or should circumstances change enough, with her. And it just helps to have someone you can really pour out your heart to, that you know isn't going to go blab it to a friend or relative before you're ready.

4) It may help to know that what you are going through now is what many of us have gone through and is *normal* for the trauma you have experienced. I've written an article on the five stages of grief that both the betrayed spouse and the cheating spouse will go through. She may not realize it yet, but at some point, reality is going to hit her, and hit her hard. Somewhere inside her, though she's not likely to reveal it short of repenting and coming back in tears of repentance, she feels guilty for what she's done to you. If she really loved you. She's likely buried it so well she rarely focuses or thinks about it. But she'll have what my wife called, "moments of clarity," where she saw the mess she was allowing herself to create, and would often pray to God, "Save me from myself." Thankfully, He did.

Here's the link:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/3869850

And use this group. It can be a good support place, even when all you need to do is vent. It was a big help to me.

Most cheaters are so good at lieing that they could win an academy award. They want to secure a safe place to land. They want it all, just in case. It hurts terribly, I know. These other people are right, she set you free. Now you can find the true love of your life. Stay single and enjoy yourself for awhile. Someone will cheat on her and then she will know the pain she caused. Be glad that you don't have to deal with deception any longer.

Oh friend I hear and feel your pain so much. The others are right, you have been set free. The questions of how you could do this and still lead me on. Still be with him have haunted me for quite some time. I actually was able to get over it and come back together, only for the same lies to begin almost instantly. The cliche' "once a cheater always a cheater" although I'm not bitter enough to say is a golden rule, certainly seems to be the most likely outcome. Keep fighting to keep your head high and let those feelings out and then let them go. You can do it.