Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Wheretonow 10/10/2017

Betrayed spouses, I would love to hear about all the irrational, out of character things you found yourself doing out of sheer rage and hurt after finding out you were betrayed. I am 4 months since my D day and I sometimes don't event recognize myself because I feel so mentally unstable.

Even though we are in counseling and I know it's illogical and is completely hypocritical, I find myself wondering if having a mindless fling would help me feel better. If it would level the playing field or if that would help me relate to what my spouse felt when he was cheating.

When I'm in this vengeful state, I feel like I would feel completely guilt free and justified if I were to cheat. And especially because I've only been with my husband my entire life.

Realistically I don't ever want to stoop to that level nor focus on vengeance at all but my mind just goes there multiple times a day because I'm so hurt and helpless at times...

Has anyone cheated to get to even with their cheating spouse? Or done other vengeful things out of fury? I just think it's probably quite normal to feel your way during this stage and I'd love to hear all the feedback from various vantage points.

And to cheating spouses, did your spouse ever threaten to give you a taste of your own medicine? Or maybe you did get to taste it... Do you ever fear your betrayed spouse finding someone on the side as you did?

Just wanted to explore these feelings as I don't think I'm the only one who has thought this way... Confessions, advice, wisdom, judgement... They are all welcomed. I think just reading your comments from various vantage points would help me greatly. Thank you & good luck to everyone with their journey no matter what end of the spectrum you fall on <3

HopelessInlove 10/15/2017

Im not trying to be a moral police. Im still doing wrong things. I just think we are too hurt and to do things out of pain may hurt ourselves further. I did alot of revenge stuff and it only makes me feel alittle better for a while and sleep better for one night. Its not that i didnt do enough. He can call the police on me anytime. After that kick it gets worse. Thats my experience.

calirn13 10/16/2017

My husband said it would be easier if I just went and hooked up with someone. I explained that it wouldn’t be the same. His motivation and mine would be different. Plus it would be a hook up and not an ongoing affair.
There is investment, emotions, first date, first kiss... anticipation every time you see them... it’s not the same. Someone would have to follow me and send him a play by play photo proof to really dig it home.
But, I am not like him.
I did manipulate him. I kept a diary and did leave it out conveniently. He finally realized the pain he put me through. That went on for a month before I confronted his snooping in my business. I had planned the whole thing. He read about my pain... daily! I didn’t go into a rage...I frantically wrote in that journal and he watched me.

HopelessInlove 10/16/2017

I dont know how this revenge will ever end. If he still has any feeling maybe he will regret alittle in the long run, will he think, "well she did that too." if he doesnt feel anymore, whatever shit we do to ourselves is a joke to them.

forwardmotion 10/16/2017

It is a lose/lose scenario anyway you slice it.

If you really going to have an affair just leave them or tell them upfront you no longer have any love for them.

Honestly, if you plan is to hurt them, this would actually be worse. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

Hate means you still care what they think and feel. Indifference tell them that they no longer even hold a thought in your mind, as if they never existed.

HopelessInlove 10/16/2017

Yes. Damn it.

beyondbroken1 10/16/2017

I thought about mailing type-written letters to all of the other woman's neighbors so they would know that a whore and pos lived in their neighborhood. Of course, I didn't, but the thought made me smile...albeit, briefly.

whatnow12405 10/17/2017

@Calirn13, as much as my husband doesn't want me to sleep with someone else I sometimes feel like he too thinks it would be easier if I hooked up with someone, because then we would be "even". I know it's crazy because that is the hardest part for me is getting past the fact that he has been with someone else during our marriage and I haven't, that he has been with someone else since we have been together and I haven't. In his case though it was a hook up, there were no dates, etc. I would need pictures too though for it to really hit home with him. I have even considered not actually sleeping with anyone but having an emotional affair with someone because in our case I think that would hurt him more than if I just slept with someone else. However I'm not that person and as much as I want him to hurt like I do, I also never want anyone to feel the pain I do even him.

I have been writing in a journel as well, for myself to get everything out. I too have thought about leaving it out for him to accidentally find and read. I sometimes think that's the only way he might really understand the true pain he has caused. Yes he knows he hurt me and betrayed me but I still don't know that he really truly gets it.

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