Nope, I've always believed that two wrongs don't make a right, and things are such a mess with HIS A, why throw more of a mess into it, and then there's another person to think about and involve in it all - nope - not worth it to me, though don't think I haven't thought about how nice it would be to be in a fantasy relationship filled with sex, excitement, stolen moments, someone counting the minutes to be with you and not having to put the seat down for them, do their laundry, hear them snore etc.... but it's not real life, and it's just really hurtful all the way around.....

from your mouth to Gods ears LOve Marraige......... I hope and pray all my patience and forgiveness does sumthin good out there sum where!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we have a very different situation than most,we both messed up!!! but in a mans eyes, the womans is always worse..I do not wish to cheat or retaliate!! i just worry he may (AGAIN)(FYI, he says i strayed first.who knows if thats true,and he did it cause he thought i was ,he didnt know anything was happining for sure,so actually he "retaliated" b4 there was anything for him to retaliate against!!! most of the time i believe he cheated first,and he uses my indiscretions as an excuse for his)...although he says ,like most of u have...that he regreted what he did,and he does not want to stoop to that level again.....I have just seen SO much in my short life...I actually believe ALL men cheat!! My family life and so far my adult life has brain washed me to this fact!!! i wish i didnt feel this way, but i do!! and I KNOW!! WOMEN CHEAT TO!!!!!!! But I know way more men that have and keep doing so than women!!!!!!! All i can do is pray that he is telling me the truth about the way he feels and that he is done living that kind of life!! Thank You guys for your replies, it does give me hope!!!

plus i am about 24 weeks pregnant, with NO sex drive...and I know TONS of couple whos H cheated while there W was preggo...And im afraid i may kill somebody if that was to happin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yall pray for me please!!!!!! thank you all for being so kind, and opening up your personal lives to help others!!!!!!!! THANK YOU

Nope, I don't think I retaliated in the classic form of 'he cheated so I will too...just to make him hurt like I hurt.'

Instead, my retaliation? I divorced the clown.

Hey, it worked for me. Just sayin'.

L~

L, maybe divorce IS the retaliation! hahahaha.... i never thought of it like that, just thought of it as a necessity, but maybe you are right.

I didn't retaliate by cheating or screwing around, but I did call her husband, who is a family friend, and confronted her. Now, level playing field...everyone can deal with the mess they made. And...it...felt...GREAT.

TryingtoM, OHHHHH! YEAH!!!!!! Classic and I love it! You rock!

Michele? Like I said, it was not the 'I'll cheat on you to get back at you' frame of mind that I hit. It was the 'I'll get back at you by getting you the hell out of my life' attitude.

Yup...

L~

Would you consider sending OW copies of H's Service pamphlet, from his funeral, revenge? I addressed it to both her and her husband, and added a note saying, "I knew you would want a copy of your lover's service pamphlet so you could see him one last time. Sorry he didn't have time to return any of the 100 texts you sent him or the 15 phone calls, before he died. He was desperately trying to talk me into coming back to him. When I refused, it wasn't YOU he was thinking about, instead, he was thinking about what he had LOST!! Me and our son..."

That's not spitefull, is it?

Well KandK,

Not exactly spiteful or vengeful. Just stating facts, weren't you? Just settin' the record straight for the dumb bimbo.

...and you? (I may be doing some thread highjacking here...so my apologies) but I do have to say this. On this? Your doing this? I can sooooo relate. See K, at the time that my Ex's affair with SPAM (this is what my kids call her - the OW/now wife/ as the imitation meat) came out, my sister passed away VERY unexpectedly. Very tragic. So painful to even think about now. Anywho, would you believe (and I think you would) that this whole affair was pretty common knowledge around our town. Everyone knew about it. The town was buzzing. Then this happened to my Sis. We had the funeral. Would you believe that SPAM showed up to extend her condolences? She walked right up to my Dad and shook his hand. If possible, I think she inflicted a bit more pain on him that day than he needed to bear.

Hell, KandK, she even sent me a sympathy card...while she was breaking up my marriage.

Nice, huh?

At that? I told her that if she ever came near my family again, I would rip her damned throat out.

On YOUR situation? I have to say I would have done the same thing to this trailer park whore. Oh yeah...

L~

Italian Queen,
Didn't get a chance to read the responses, hopefully later. I usually like to read, so i don't repeat.

Retaliation? No, not at all. Firmly believe 2 wrongs don't make a right! Cuz then, if you think or consider rebuilding, ya got that extra retaliation inthe mix. Ya got extra baggage with extra mistrust & hurt. Hurt & mistrust on one side, from one party is more than enough! If I love him, and I do, I refuse to hurt him, I refuse to let go of my integrity. I don't care if i feel rejected, less sexy, hurt, devastated, cuz if and when it's all over, then I am free to love again, and have all the sex i want as a single, if i so choose.

Sounds spicy, lol! But in reality, I would only consider having sex with a good healthy partner, and this time around, I'd refrain, until i really trusted him, and believed in all my heart, that he was a potentially excellent partner, regardless if marriage was in the mix.

The only retaliation I would do, and have done is towards the OW:
Aha, now you're talking my language. Knowing her, and having been a friend of mine, I do believe it was best to approach her in email, and tell her how she was distrustful, sneaky, and a barracuda. How I helped her with her marriage, even counseled her and her H upon her request, helped her special ed son in person and attending school meetings on his behalf, helped her when her daughter was removed from the house by Dept. of Childrn. and fAmily Services, due to her physically abusing her.

And then of course, doing family functions at each others houses.
I jsut let her know she abused my trust, she was a selfish, insecure barracuda, and she is a total loser.

Now that was my only retaliation! But truth be known, I really would have loved to bitch-slap her a bit! Okay my fantasy did come out! I think I would have felt a little better, but I refrained!

I didn't think it was, but I started thinking (dangerous act...) about it and confused myself and just wanted to make sure. I loved my husband and would never have considered hurting him. I don't have to care about her feelings though.

the only way i retaliated was by picking up the phone and screaming at her "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU FAT WHORE?" that and posting on facebook. I needed meds before d-day i just didnt accept it or know i blamed PMS. In retrospect i would take it all back, i regret being down at her white trash level. I wrote her several e-mails that told her i am better than her, i will always be better than her. She knows i am otherwise she wouldnt want my life so bad. up until a week ago i would think up ways to hurt her. but negative thoughts are not worth my time. everytime i think something negative i catch myself and repeat "i can do this, i am better than this" i felt a WHOLE LOT better since i started doing this

I just caught my boyfriend recently...Im pregnant. Yes the very angery part of thinks about it sometimes but the rational part of me knows that it will do nothing positive. we are trying to work through and stay together and if I did it would not help the situaation any. And yeah as foolish as I may be I still love him very much and I know how much it hurts and all the insecurities and invalidation it makes the other feel and I really dont want to do that to him. and lastly on a selfish note and probably not very healthy...I like knowing in my head that it is his problem to fix that I have done nothing wrong...if I did the same then it would be OUR problem and I would be at just as much fault... Its not worth it hun. If you are thinking about it then the relationship is probably not worth staying in. Leave the cheater and go have your fun and open the door for a noncheater to come in :) good luvk

trying2cope,
I am taking your 'saying' I can do this, I am better than this" and adding, I deserve better than this - and I will use it all or parts of it as my new mantra as well. I am a few weeks shy of Dday and I am still thinking about the A and the sleaze AP he 'chose' daily.... though he doesn't hear about it daily or even weekly...... but I am hoping that the 'mantra' will get hor out of my head - I want to make room for much better thoughts that deserve me time in my head, not that trash!