Hello Italian:

If you look up Fio's story you will know my entire struggle.

In a nutshell though i think retaliation only lowers you to the level of the cheater. It is amazing how we can toss our own morals out the window so fast when we are in pain. Either save that marriage or relationship or get out of it and find someone you can trust.

When we are in pain and shock that our spouse has cheated we can tend to latch on to somone else that is totally wrong for us in evry way. Thats what i did. I was blind to how worthless and terrible the person i chose to retaliate with.

To this day when i look in the mirror and think of my actions i am ashamed and have to look away. I allowed myself to crumbnle and throw out everything i knw was right.

G'day Italian Queen, and I am sorry you need to be here.

Here is a link to my story,

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/7542887-here-we-go-again and if you accept my friend request, you can also read my journal.

In a nutshell, after she left and gave no sign that she was even considering returning, I sought comfort in the arms of other women.

It was too soon for me, I know that now and I broke a very good ladies heart. In the meantime, I did manage to resurect some of my confidence and self esteem.

I think we all try to heal in our own way. Sometimes vengeance can be our friend but most times, I think it only hurts us more in the long run.

The fact that I slept with several women made me feel a little better about myself but it in no way lessened the pain that my X wife inflicted on me.

Good luck.

I thought about it. I had the opportunities. But in the end I knew it wouldnt make me feel any better. Not judging those who did. This kind of pain can make us temporarily insane.

No, I didn't try to retaliate... I love my H and didn't want to hurt him.

2 wrongs do not make a right. Also it will be held against you if there ever is a reconcilliation.

Nope. No revenge. It never is sweet. Didn't retaliate, but LOL it was rather fun to wear a smile on my face while we were separated.... keep 'em guessing, I always say...

Thank Yall,would love more responses!!!!!!!!! i wonder if most people feel bad for retaliating, or if theyre happy and feel justified that they did?? i guess every person would feel differently, for there own different reasons....... to bad there is no stats on that or other questions like it LOL

I have not retalited for one reason...ME..I want to be able to hold my head up knowing that I didn't bring anyone else into this mess. Integrate is important..Getting someone back only brings you down to that level, it is only "feel better" for a split second, then the feelings are worse. I do not suggest it at all. I am greatful that I have not gone that route..

I thought about it, I really did. But in the end, I realized that it would only make me feel worse. Also, I am mom to 3 teenagers as well as my toddler, and I need to be a good role model for them!

Just not in me to do that. At least, as of yet, nothing has happened in my life that I feel a need to really retaliate against. There may come a day, but so far, it hasn't arrived.

As far as revenge affairs... I'm just not that type of person. I don't connect that easily. It was tough as shit for me to let the walls down and connect with my H...

Besides, it's not something that's beautiful and precious if you have to hide it and sneek around... Oh, and I must say, if I did decide to go there, I'd get caught, immediately I'm sure... I'm just that kinda person... I'm a terrible liar, so that probably has something to do with it.

Although retaliation would be easy, I don't think it's fair to the person you're using to retaliate with. But I will admit that I think nothing bad of the hurt spouse to find comfort & understanding elsewhere. It is very confusing & exceptionally hurtful to find out the person you've been married to for so long has been suddenly become a stranger. One that you would have NEVER hooked up with in the first place.

"Never return evil for evil. Do not be vengeful; do not return evil for evil. The evil of your neighbour is sufficient. If you return him evil for evil, you double the amount of evil in the world. But if you do not return him evil, he may yet burn out his own evil through repentance, and you will then have lessened the evil in the world by your patience and forgiveness".

I would not call it retaliation but very soon after D Day the ex continued to lie and MC went nowhere. We decided to split and I met a really wonderful man - and there you go. The ex ended up later saying he wanted to reconcile - I felt bad about dropping such a great guy to work on my marriage but I did. We ended up not really working on the marriage and divorcing.

I should not have done it - but I really thought my marriage was over and I just needed some companionship. If I could change things - I probably would but I have to say that it really did reduce my own pain and misery that the ex inflicted on me.

I'm new to this group so I don't really have a lot to go on. My wife threatened retaliation last night and I asked her "If your angry at me, why would you want to hurt YOU?" I think that got her thinking. I'm the asshole, why should she stop being classy? Just sayin'...

I never retaliated because I genuinely wanted to work on my marriage and believed it would work out if I just stayed faithful and continued to do my own recovery, invest in him, etc. But one person does not a marriage make, and he didn't do his work, so.... we are divorcing.

It's been four years since d-day, and I am never going back to my stbx.

If I met someone now I really care about, it wouldn't be retaliation, because I am moving on with my life and not really concerned about getting even with stbx in any way. I just want to move on.