It’s not easy living with and loving a person whose moods go up and down and who has bouts of anger, who punishes the other person regularly. The s#x with the other man was likely a way to finish off the relationship with you or to cause more conflict, pay back, with you. Sometimes we come to the end of the relationship and need to learn to accept and move forward in life.

There is also the issue of the dysfunction you both react from as this is not healthy for either of you. Lot of drama and conflict and it’s time to do something different than you have been doing. The old behavior simply isn’t work for your life, or hers.

This isn’t real love, my friend.

My sincere recommendation is for you to get a full assessment with a psychiatrist to see if you have a brain health disorder, perhaps a mood disorder or depression, which causes your anger spells and mood swings.

Or maybe you need anger management therapy. With or without her, this stuff is not good for you. That’s my focus.

If this is alcohol or drug induced bouts of rage and irrational behavior, then it can’t be fixed until you get sober. But you know that.

This is about you seeking a healthy life not about blame. Your good life is waiting. Her good life is waiting. You two can’t continue like this because it damages the relationship and both of your physical and mental health. Causes chronic stress.

But sometimes, some people love stress, drama, and conflict. They thrive on causing this stuff. If this is you or her, something has to change or it’s just a lifetime of this ridiculousness. Do you want that? Best wishes to you.

We have been together since 11 years. We both were happy and commited to each other.
It all started since last year.
I know it's my fault.
My career phase is going on, I had some family problems also and some other things aggrevated to my changed behaviour. Otherwise I have always been good with her.
She said she did this(s#x with that guy) so that she could move on.
And now when we are talking she again says she wants me and wanna get married and all the things we wanted together.
All I know is that I will never forget this incident even if we remain together now.
And her getting s#x with someone else is destroying me.
What should I do ?
Feels like I can't live with or without her.

You are getting mixed messages from this woman. I think you need to work on your own issues FIRST. You can't go back to her and do the same old same old. Doesn't matter if your anger is from her behavior or your family or career or whatever. I think counseling could help you sort out your emotional reactions, anger management, and what you want for your life.

We have to do the work within ourselves to be functional, happy, adults. This is not easy work but necessary. Or you will be an older person stuck in these dysfunctional ways.

I do agree that you can't live with her as things are now. She is not going to change but you have to work on yourself to change and become the best you can be.

You both are changing as is natural in life. Either you both grow together or you split up.

If you two met at age 11 years, this means you two have grown up and changed. This is natural. if you mean you have been dating for 11 years, this is a long time and maybe each of you needs to change and recommit to be emotionally healthier people. How old are you both?

We both are 25. We have been together since 11 years. Our relationship started in 2013-2014.
Should I stay with her or not ?
Will I be able to look at her with the same love and trust that i use to have for her?
How will I ever be able to get physical with her after knowing that she has been with someone else?

To ask simply, should I stay with her or not?
Will I be able to accept her and love her after what happened?

This is a tough situation you are in. And it could take some time to figure it out. It might not all get fixed so quickly, unfortunately.

I agree with @hasty's advice above. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist and see what they think about your anger issues, and possibly getting you some therapy would be great for you.

You two have been together since you were so young. Oftentimes, we grow up and grow in different directions. You are different now at 25 than when you were 14, right? So things have changed for both of you, and you just need to see if you two can work things out now that you're both older.

It is very difficult to get over her sleeping with someone else. Were you broken up at the time? Then you can't really say anything, if you two were broken up. When you told her you wanted to live alone, maybe she took that as a break up. Then she was free to be with anyone she wanted to. As hard as that is to accept. But unless she did this while you two were a couple?

No we were not couple.
I broke up with her.
And after 15 days of breakup she had s#x with other guy.
Now we are talking again and she wants to live with me for the rest of her life (that's what she says).
I just want to know is it worth continuing with her ?

How do you feel about it? That's all that matters.

Yes, it will be difficult to know that she was with the other guy. It will take time to get through this. It probably will bother you for awhile. You can get through this. if you both are 110% committed to making this relationship work.

It's hard to know at age 25 if you can make it the rest of your lives (say, 60 more years of life ahead of you). No one can know but you two.

Again, going to therapy could really help sort out these issues. You two going to therapy together could help this. It's going to be hard to deal with this without outside professional help.

Don't get back together just because either or both of you are lonely, or just used to each other. The familiarity of each other. Feeling comfortable with each other, since you have been together since you were so young. That is not a reason to stay together. Make sure this is still what YOU want in a relationship. Not many people stay forever with their first relationship.

If you miss her terribly, you can go back. But, be prepared for more fights, trust issues.... the same things as before. Seeking therapy would really be helpful for you and also for the both of you.

Like you are saying, why did she run off to some other guy so quickly? That obviously can NOT happen again!! Is she truly committed to you now? Ask her questions. Ask her how she feels about the two of you. Communicate, open and honestly. Honesty is going to be so important at a time like this.

Asked her the same thing.
She said that she did this because she wanted to move on from me.
So she started talking with the guy and the guy clearly told her that he doesn't want any relationship and only wanted sex from her and nothing else.
Still she did it and did it 4 times with him in just one month.
And then she continued talking with him and kept exchanging nudes over chats.
Finally when I texted her ,she said she stopped chatting with him.
She didn't even apologized sincerely for what she did. All she said was she doesn't wanna get into any guilt trap so she doesn't think about it much.
And said that if we want to continue then I have to trust her.

Everything you have written sounds like two young people who have not matured in their attitudes, coping skills, and thinking. Age 25 is when the brain becomes developed into the adult brain. So you two know each other for the immaturity that is teenage years and young 20's years. Not putting you down, this is normal human development. We all go through this developmental stage.

Now you are at a crossroads and a transition in your life. Transitions can be anxiety causing or maybe even a bit depression causing but in the long run, they serve us well if we do our emotional work.

You want us to tell you what to do, but we can't. You get to decide for yourself and my advice is to take 2-3 months to think it over. Do nothing for now. Avoid any physical intimacy with her so your mind stays clear.

Take a break so you can focus on getting therapy or psychological assessment for your anger problems and mood ups and downs. If you don't fix yourself, you can't fix the relationship.

And right now you are angry and lack trust in her. So this is a no, if I tell you what I think. A break will give you clarity and help you work on yourself.

If she did not apologize sincerely, then this means she lacks something in her character and personality. She may be immature or worse. So yes, this is something to take seriously.

You are right.
I haven't matured much in my attitude and emotions.
I still think about us as high school lovebirds.
But i have to realise that things and priorities change with time.
What hurts the most is that i didn't even think of anyone else except her in my life and she did everything so fast without even realizing that we were together from 11 years. Maybe my expectations were very high from her and that was my mistake. I though of us as FOREVER. But i guess forever is composed of nows.

It hurts to remember how close we were back then.

After all what happened i still couldn't hate her even though i felt so much insulted from this incident.
I will follow your advice and take 2-3 months and see how things goes.
I will improve myself by focusing on my career and developing more maturity over my emotions and attitude.

I want to ask her questions about her relation with that guy over the past 2 months (everything from the beginning between them from what happened to how it happened and all these type of questions) because i think it will give me more mental clarity. Is this an appropriate thing to do and if not then please tell me what questions should I ask her now ?

Yes. Ask her all the questions you want. Anything is appropriate right now. If you want the answer to something she did, go ahead and ask her. And keep asking, if she does not give you an answer you are satisfied with.

There are no wrong questions right now. It's all about complete honesty and transparency. That is the only way this relationship can make it. She has to be 100% committed and definitely she's never having any contact at ALL with that other guy ever again.

you may have been together for 10-11 years, but you guys got together when y'all were 14 or 15. are you sure the person your 15yo self wanted is the person your 25yo self wants? and visa-versa? just staying together because you want to maintain the status quo isn't the best reason to stay together. It appears that you both are maturing and moving in different directions. that is not a bad thing. it is called growth.