I am glad to see so many comments about our fantasy world. The worst part is we BS's have years of adjusting our trusting ways all for a person that we promised to love and trust. My CS repeatedly tells me how she loves her job and is her place to go and not think about us!! The worst part is she works with the W of her AP. I dream about posting the pics I found of their privates all around her work and have people play a guessing game as to who's spouse is in the picture! Once discovered I am confident work will no longer be my CS place to escape.

The rage for me is born of her resistance to talk, blameshifting and venting to her male just friend about me!!

Good luck to everyone and please remember be the bigger person!! But feel free to vent!!

I am glad to see so many comments about our fantasy world. The worst part is we BS's have years of adjusting our trusting ways all for a person that we promised to love and trust. My CS repeatedly tells me how she loves her job and is her place to go and not think about us!! The worst part is she works with the W of her AP. I dream about posting the pics I found of their privates all around her work and have people play a guessing game as to who's spouse is in the picture! Once discovered I am confident work will no longer be my CS place to escape.

The rage for me is born of her resistance to talk, blameshifting and venting to her male just friend about me!!

Good luck to everyone and please remember be the bigger person!! But feel free to vent!!

I don't have any rage. It's been over 4 years since I found out about my h and I can't remember feeling rage. But I do remember feeling intense emotional pain and stress. And, of course, I am living with the fact that my h's APs will always be a part of our marriage. I can't forget either that he is a serial cheater, that he was screwing around while I was home taking care of our children ( one with serious medical issues), that he is still active searching out other women on the internet, he never really put effort into fixing our marriage after trying to reconcile.
So, no rage, but so much other profoundly negative emotions and consequences that my health is affected.

I don't have rage - I am just really really disappointed.

Disappointed that my STBX is such a shallow idiot.

Disappointed that my sons don't get to see me every day since we have 50/50 custody

Disappointed that my STBX had to find happiness through sin.

Disappointed - that my STBX couldnt communicate better.

Disappointed that there are scum bags out there that seek married people and that doesnt bother them - that that is actually an ego stroke for them - a major accomplishment for them - "hey, I pulled a married person, how awesome am I?"

Disappointed - on so many levels - mainly that my life and marriage had to end up like this and that my boys had/have to go through this crazytown experience.

I try to be as strong of a person and not let this define me - I look at this as a testing experience - that not everyones life is perfect and there are crazy things and major evil in general out there - disappointments etc have to go through - that this is just another huge test.

Hopefully I pass this test.

Yes, I did experience that. I was enraged more than I've ever been in my life. Not good!!!!!! On the other hand, some good healthy anger wasn't a bad thing. But for a bit of anger what would I feel? Like my life means nothing? Like I don't deserve to be treated like a valued wife? In my estimation, rage is never a good thing, but, anger that is aimed correctly can be very good. I often think of the difference in a co-dependent and a non-codependent is the non(s) ability to feel anger. True that the high energy of anger can be used inappropriately, or inaffectively, so true. But, that energy harnassed toward doing positive things for myself, which is always the best choice, is very affective. I often think of it as pure energy...raw and powerful. So, if I can avoid aiming it at whatever it was that created it, and instead use it to better myself, then I'm ahead of the thing.

I totally get the rage,that will pass in time. Yes it is harder with younger kids arround.
But onyx is also right that severe dissapointment. For me that came after the rage and sadness.
It is not sick to want the ow dead. most of us have been there.
Your feelings and emotions are normal and totally ok for you to have.

I get where you are coming from. I too have the notion that cheating makes you less of a parent, but here where I live the notion is that the kids are best off with mommy even if mommy cheated and lied to the whole family about it. So my kids get to hang with mom and her "boyfriend" while I am apparently the less desirable parent.

There are a bunch of "grief models" you can find on the web. One is:

1) Shock and Denial
2) Pain and Guilt
3) Anger and Bargaining
4) Depression
5) Upward turn
6) Reconstruction
7) Acceptance

These will unfold over time and, years from now, you will look back on it and see that this is what was happening for you. In many cases, your experience of the moment may be that you go through all 7 stages in an hour and end up back at #1. This stuff takes a lot of time; I think it's much harder to get over than death.

As for revenge, remember the old Klingon proverb "revenge is a dish that is best served cold".

That's nothing OMH. I turned the OM's world inside out. I literally destroyed his business as a banking/investment consultant. I ruined his family and his place in our community. I contacted his siblings, his neighbors. He was stunned by my reach. I didn't back off until his wife literally begged my wife to make it stop. He was a shadow of his former confident self. He went grey, then bald. He lost thirty lbs ...though not in a good way. His friends turned on him. His business asociates wouldn't speak with him. He played golf alone.
Revenge is easy OMH. There are so many ways to get even via the web without putting yourself at risk. Lots of folks on this site would have you believe otherwise. I am here to offer a different perspective. I am available to talk if you want to cross over to the dark side.
Elmo

I am raging like i never imagined i would. I found out in august that my bf cheated on me with a friend of his that i had questioned him about in the past. she was always toooo flirtatious with him. he swore they did not have a history. well they did. apparently 20 years ago. He never gave her what she wanted then. when she found out her H was cheating on her AGAIN, she pursued my bf for revenge. now i'm paying the price. my rage is out of control!!! roller coaster is an understatement.

almost 2 years now and if I'm not feeling alone or pain, it's all rage....I hate her for cheating and lying, I hate my best friend for being the OM, I want them both to feel what I feel inside. I hate my friends for siding with him because I didn't divorce her. I hate my family for supporting her and not me. But I just grit my teeth, and push forward, alone. I go to work, I pay the bills, and I play with my kids. I won't be a piece of shit like my father was...I just won't....

The biggest feeling I have felt since DD(16 months ago) is anger.I have felt betrayed,ugly,hurt,sad,confused but it always comes back to anger..