I Found out when my son was 2 so I get the rage.The rage for me was knowing for my son's 2 years on life my H was cheating on me.While I was taking care of our kids,staying up all night with the baby.It comes and goes.
You just found out so get ready for a roller coaster of emotions.
It's great fun :\

Do you ever feel like your husband betrayed your child too? I keep feeling like he doesn't deserve our youngest son. Like he made his entire life from conception on a lie and a joke. I would never stop him from seeing our kids but in my heart I don't really feel like he deserves them or their love anymore. They deserve better than him and his lies...someone who's not willing to risk their happy futures on some piece of trash whore. Argh. Rage.

Rage, deep painful rage is normal. It's so early in your journey. I discovered my H A long after it ended but that didn't make it any less painful. I still on occassion find myself doing the timeline comparison. The only difference is now I don't have that unending rage/pain.

I strongly reccomend you begin reading books and see if your H would consider reading a book or two. Also getting into counseling, both individual and couples. There is a lot of to be done, especially on his part. Without him doing all he needs, the healing will be slower and near impossible.

Sending you a few cyber (((hugs)))
Pink

Yes I do feel that way.I had such a hard pregnancy and we became so much closer or so I thought..I look at my son's pictures and think this is what I will remember..that my h was cheating on me.Asshole

sick? not at all. when I found out about my wife's affair I prayed that he would die and when he did I felt such great relief. I still find myself smiling when I drive past his house.

@texas I prayed it would die but no luck.I have had vivid dreams of killing my h and it.They scare the crap out of me.

I have two young children too and had to figure out how not to cry my eyes out in front of them. Is your husband remorseful and willing to put in work to heal? It's been almost 3 months for me, and I still daydream about the OW's death. I never thought I'd be the type of person who would walk away from someone about to commit suicide, but if I were ever to come across her about to jump off a bridge, I'd just leave. And I do feel like my husband betrayed my kids too. Especially since he introduced our oldest to her and he thought she was just someone they had fun playing computer games with. If my husband left for the bitch, though, I doubt he'd be involved with the kids, so in that case I'd be a true single mom.

He seems remorseful and says he is willing to put in work to heal but frankly he's lied about so much, so many times, it's hard to know what the truth is. My husband is lucky he never brought our babies around that whore. If he had've I would have taken him to court for full custody and I would've gotten it too. That would have been that, he knows it too. How do people you think you know so well turn out to be such manipulative, lying POS?

Also, chaointexas...I literally laughed out loud when you said he died and every time you drive by his house you smile. I definitely would too. Unfortunately I don't think she's going to die anytime soon but I do have a picture of her topless that I've considering strewing around town with her name and phone number attached letting people know she has a special preference for married men. Frankly, I think it would be pretty damned satisfying.

I didn't think he would either hell he was ten years younger than me but when my wife came home from work and told me he did I said you reap what you sew. the toughest part was watching her cry over the loser. still kind of hard when I think about it. but she has put the work in to fix our marriage still have a ways to go but I believe we are past the worse.

Absolutely!

On March 1st I discovered my wife's 2 affairs that started back in 2009. You would not believe the "fantasies" that I have about these other guys. I will spare everyone the details but when I say fantasies I mean fantasies about torture and humiliation but I would never do anything like that.

I am at the point now where I don't even talk to my wife about it anymore. But underneath I am seething.

I get to go to Atlanta for a couple of weeks in June and plan on doing some real soul searching to figure out how to move on with my life because this much hate is not good.

Maybe the best way to get back is to get on with my life and leave this garbage behind me.

And I am real sorry to hear about your pain. We know it all too well.

Hope your time away in Atlanta helps you clear your head and figure out where to go from here jdickey. *hugs* The worst thing about carrying around this amount of rage and hatred for the adulterers is the person it hurts the most is us...Crap.

I think its completely normal at this stage for you. Its only been 2 weeks. of course you are feeling a ton of emotions, I could only imagine. At least in my situation the H is in another state, but you have to see him on a day to day basis, plus you have children together, so its a very delicate situation. I have also always been the happy-go-lucky, bubbly, warm and loving personality but since I found out about the As I am so mean spirited towards my H, I dont even recognize who I am anymore. I totally feel for you! At some point the anger/rage has to go away. right?

jdickey, Feel free to express your "fantasies" here. I assure you, it will be nothing new for most of us! I was reading a Jack Reacher book where the villain beats the victim dead with a crow-bar, then cuts off certain body parts and crams them in the victim's mouth. It's truly grotesque! Can't say I didn't think, "hey this author has been reading my mind!"