damn, posted to the wrong thread doh!

a mistake, and error, a fuck up. it wasnt a blessing thats for damn sure. it wasnt a sound rational decision thats for sure too. so what can it be but a mistake. it certainly wasnt the right thing to do, and that is what a mistake is. doing the wrong thing wether u know its wrong or not. mistake means u did the wrong thing, knowingly or unknowingly. Accident and mistake, once again, are not the same things!

By definition, it's a mistake. Ok, it's a lot of mistakes, but we're talking about the affair as a whole. Six months ago, I was involved in an affair and trying to get rid of the man's wife. I didn't understand that I was being lied to. Getting out provides clarity. I'm not that kind of person. Nnever in a million years saw myself in an affair. Yet there I was. I made a mistake getting involved with a married man. Period. Yes, it was a choice. No, I should not have made it. That's what making a mistake means. There's no point in trying to tally up mistakes, because a relationship is about more than counting each other's mistakes up.

Notsurewat2do, we understand what you mean but why does it matter to you whether or not the rest of us want to call it a mistake? Do you need assurance from us that what your husband did was a mistake so you can feel better about him and your situation? Do you honestly look at what your husband has done as a mistake when he has had more than one affair with different people while being with you?

To me doing the same thing over and over again while knowing it is hurting other people is not or at least no longer a mistake.

The word mistake is used too much in this society as a way for people to try to get out of the consequences of their bad behavior. That is why I don't like to use the word for a major offense like adultery.

If you're going to call it a "mistake" you should at least call it a "calculated, pre meditated, dishonest, selfish, hurtful group of mistakes"

its not about that. its the word. its a very serious pet peeve of mine when people misuse words and then cry cuz nobody understands them. well, learn the language and use it right and u should have much better communication. i know its petty, but i really take serious offense to people trying to redefine words to suit their needs. probably a bit of a bitch on that topic.

The word "mistake" in this forum is a hated word to some or a word that provides some kind of relief to others.

For some it comes across as an excuse, a word that trivializes the affair, and cannot begin to justify the damage that was done. I can understand why you feel that way and you are completely justified in feeling that way.

For others it is a relief to hear because, as someone else already stated, if the CS had it to do all over again, they wouldn't. For some of us that is what we need to hear the most. When all is said and done and the BS and the CS are looking at the aftermath of the affair and sorting through it all, it becomes apparent to the CS that they were wrong in so many ways. They were mistaken about how they felt about their spouse, they were mistaken about what they felt for the OP, they were mistaken when they allowed themselves to get wrapped up in the "fog" of the affair, and they made a mistake by allowing themselves to be strayed so easily.
Their thoughts, their feelings, their attitude influenced their actions.

My H cannot claim that every time he was with her it was a mistake and he didn't know what he was doing and he doesn't do that. But if he can tell me that the whole situation was something he wished he had never done, that he realizes what he felt and thought was wrong and that he should have done things diffferently, then I can accept that the affair as a whole was a mistake.

i dont think i can ever accept any excuse for what my H has done. i am beginning to believe i will never forgive him and am trying to get the strength and courage to leave. i dont care if it was a mistake, its still inexcusable. and i cant convince myself again that this wont happpen...again. cuz it already has happened, again and again. that being said,it was the worst mistake of his life, cuz when i do find that courage, it will be the one that cost him everything!

however, its still a mistake he made, just maybe one he will never correct. no matter how hard he tries, i just dont think its excusable anymore.

sorry if everyone thinks i was trying to "excuse" my H in my personal sitch with my petty rant about semantics. thats not it . i am really really bad about this semantics thing in general, u can ask anyone who knows me. i think its one of the few things i am anal about, and we all have at least one of those.

K...

Doing something with a full understanding of the detrimental consequences and full blown implications may be 'whatever' to everyone. To me?

Insanity.

L~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBpyichRWo0

Love it, Blindsided!

My H told me his brain went on vacation. Instead of saying it was a mistake or an accident I am sure if I was pulling his two nails off one by one he would say it was a mistake.

There are so many good lines in that movie that I can't count them all. I like the one where the woman in the restaurant is warning her friend for thinking that a casual encounter with a stranger could be good for her and she says, "It never ends well.'' So true.
When it comes to the word "mistake'' it's just another attempt at minimalizing the act. You know, along the same lines as: "It didn't mean anything.'' "She's not important.'' "I was DRUNK!''

Wishing, the word "mistake'' also has a psychological connotation. The user knows that "mistakes'' are often "forgiven.''

Think about the power of words, and how people use them. People with agendas.

Socrushed, he didn't make "mistakes," he acted deliberately with reckless disregard for your marriage. Got it? It's up to you, whether or not you forgive him.