Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been thinking about that line from the movie "Unfaithful". It really meant alot to me after Dday and it opened my eyes too. When people tell my H made a mistake I disagree. Diane Lane says to her lover right before they had sex for the first time :I shouldn't be here. this is a mistake" To which he replies "There are no mistakes, there's what you do and what you don't do" I love that line! It says everything. My H didn't "accidentally" put his penis in another woman. It was very much on purpose! As I mentioned in another post, he was upset with me for being MORE upset about the sex he had and not the fact that he thought he was in love with her. We react to all of the details in our own time line anyway. But I just told him, "you may not have control over your feelings, but you most certainly do have control over your actions". He CHOSE to have sex and forget about me. Maybe that does hurt more.
Mistake, Affair, ONS, Screw-up, Hook-up, Selfish Act, whatever ----
it's all betrayal no matter how it's spun, and we as the betrayed don't have to accept ANY explanation or excuse other than that it was 'WRONG' and never should've happened.
I made it clear lapdancers & 'happy ending' masseuses are whores in my book - sexual contact for $$. When H took issue I stopped him cold. It's my perspective & not up for debate. If Bells feels the same way about mistake vs. choice, so be it. We all have our own ways of dealing and in the end this is more about moving forward than labels.
and yes i do take semantics a little to seriously. miscommunication is the #1 reason for all mistakes!!!!!!!!
and isnt that what all of us is trying to fix the most if we stay? and those that leave is it not because the communication was not sufficient? so semantics plays fully into communications. there is not even a common conotaion that mistake is equivalent to accident, and thats what this post is trying to say! the saying is not there are no mistakes, but there are no accidents. its a misquote leading to misinformation that can really fuck up communication.
Let me say it this way......
AN affair is a mistake.
HAVING AN affair is a series of poor choices because it involves REPEATED mistakes.
A ONS would be the only way HAVING an affair can be defined as a mistake.
Some people think getting married to a cheater was a MISTAKE......or should we also call that a POOR CHOICE?
My wife sneaking around fucking some guy while being married to me is all CHOICE on her part.
It is deliberate and calculating-A CHOICE. A CHOICE I HAVE TO LIVE WITH. CONSEQUENCES OF HER CHOICE-THERE WAS NO MISTAKE. HER CHOICES OF HER DECISIONS HAVE REWRITTEN MY PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE.
NUFF SAID!
He was fully aware of what he was doing for 9 months. It was not a mistake to spend every lunch hour together, to send 1,000+ text messages each month, to lie to his wife and children about where he was, to bring the OW into our home while I was out of town and my children were sleeping, miss his daughter's birthday because it was more important to spend time with the OW and her family and so on and so on . . . .
These were clear choices that both himself and the OW woman made together as they were both fully aware that he was a married man and neither seemed to really care.