Hi WTF06, I am new to this forum. I am a cheater. I am trying to fix things with my Wife as well after what I Did cause so much pain. Our marriage was not great. We didn't fight and we got along well. there was just a lot of distance and no intimacy for a long time. Working through the aftermath of my affair i can see in retrospect that almost all of the problems were caused by me. My Wife loved me so much that she gave up on a lot of what she wanted and needed to just maintain the marriage. Because of intimacy issues on my part i was insecure, my self esteem was low, I felt rejected. We got to a breaking point this past year. Even though I loved my wife, I looked elsewhere. I chose to look elsewhere rather than fight the hard fight and see that I was causing the problems.

My APs were older and not as attractive as my wife. Like someone else mentioned, it was not actually about the physical attraction as it was about feeling attractive to soemone else and getting the ego boost. Someone else mentioned that it is almost like an addiction. I feel it was for me. I resisted the temptation for a while. I downloaded a dating app and looked then deleted it several times before I was seduced by the temptation and weak enough to give in. Once I got a taste of attention from another woman that I had been craving in my marriage it was like an addict getting a taste of their drug again and just throwing everything that really mattered away. It was about the ego and ego boost. It was selfishness and arrogance.

I truely do love my Wife and I truely hope that we will be able to work through all of this. I know no one is to blame except me. I am trying to work on myself, counseling journaling, participating in these discussions.

If you really love him and he really loves you perhaps starting over and dating and rebuilding will work for you.

I am sorry that you had to go through this. I am sorry that you were hurt, KNow that it is not your fault.

Hi @ponyboy72
I admire your courage to speak the truth. My husband said similar things about feeling rejected and like we lost the intimacy. Instead of fighting to fix it he took the easy route in having sex with a girl who wouldn't say no smh. I just hope men realize that just communicating whether it hurts or not always feels better than finding out our spouse have stepped out. It is the worst pain ever. Keep fighting and keep showing your growth! I'd love hearing mens prospective on cheating and their thoughts it helps me better understand my husband and how in all he was just weak and easily tempted due to his weakness