Hello, with my wife for 40 years, married for 35, cheated on for the last 15 plus. Saddest part, I knew about it all along. I can still see her going into the office to use the desk top computer for the first time and sending the email to an old friend. I can remember finding the silky panties hidden in the vanity drawer that first night she was going out to meet him under the guiese of going to meet her best girlfriend. I remember opening the text from him saying how he would meet her anywhere anytime but he must see her. And all this time, being lied to by the woman I loved for 25 years. Wait, it gets worse. After the text, I contacted a PI who setup two cameras in her car. He also gave me a GPS tracker to put in her pocketbook. They would infome me when she was traveling out of her normal routine but they refused to tell me where she would end up on those special days she went of course because they were worried about liability if I, well, you know, him. But, they would email me the pictures of what was being done in her car each time. Stills at first, then video. I never said a word about it that I had proof. I took the scumbag to lunch and I had all I could do not to lay him down on the trunk of his car and beat him till he stopped breathing. But, it wasn't him who was cheating on me. I had a face, and other body parts, and a name but I needed to put the face and the name together. I gave him a warning which he said he heard but as it turned out, he ignored.
For years, I knew it was still going on and I even got new pictures and video. This time I had my own camera because I couldn't afford the $100.00 per hour I was paying the PI. I also bought some spywear to retreive the text that were going back and forth and I had gotten all the emails from the home computer before my wife realized I could read them and told the D-Bag to use her work email. I was gathering all my ammunition and getting ready for the battle that I was sure was coming. I knew in my heart that my wife would be asking for a divorce and I was getting ready for war. I made two copies of everything so I could give his wife a complete package of everything I had collected over the years. Two complete files with emails, text, pictures, videos, and a travel log. Not to mention the pictures the PI's got of them when they were in the car in local parking lots during the day.
I was ready. I would look at the pictures and tremble. I would watch the videos and get sick form the anger going through me. I would let my wife know that I knew but kept the proof all to myself so she wouldn't know about it. I was hoping she would deny it in front of the judge and then I could have my lawer pass the folder to the judge so he could see what a liar she was. And then, I didn't care anymore. I would catch her in a lie and I would know when she was with him. She has 'Tells' and I knew them all.
Over the years I had some health problems which included some seriuos infections and each and everytime the doctors would ask if there was any possability of STD's I would answer, not on my part, but ask my wife. She was standing right there and said nothing and I knew she was lying. I knew she was having unprotected sex with this D-bag because I could see it in the pictures and the videos. But not a word from her and I would never give her up even when the doctors would ask again when she wasn't around. But, they were checking for everything so I knew that if it was an STD it would be found. Part of me hoped it would be related just to see the look on her face or hear the story that came out of her mouth.
For my 60th birthday last November, I told my wife that all I wanted from her was the truth about what she had been doing. To my surprise, she started telling me. Not the truth mind you at first, but at least admitted an affair for the first time. Of course, the first week was all BS. Then, I showed her a picture of her car parked at a hotel. She denied it was her car but you could see it in her eyes that she knew she had been caught. She sat on my lap and started the truth drip. Like pulling teeth to get the truth out of her and here we are 8 weeks later and the drip is still going on but she is coming clean finally.
Now, I am destroyed. Even though I knew it all these years. Even though I had pictures and videos. Hearing the words come out of her mouth has destroyed me like I have never been before. Now I'm lost. I'm empty. All feeling is gone. I have lost 40 pounds in 6 weeks. I can't get my mind off of this for any amount of time. I lost my father at a very young age and I got over that easier than I am getting over this. This is the first time I have mentioned any of this to anyone because of the forum being blind. I am not one who believes in therapy and I can't tell my friends because I don't want anyone to know what has been going on.
I won't go into details because you folks have all heard the same crap come of your cheaters mouths. But needless to say, she gave everything away over the years. She was in love with the scumbag and getting that out of her took 5 weeks. I don't want to tell his wife because I don't want to cause her the pain I am going through but this D-bag needs to pay a little something for what he did to his wife and his kids. They need to know what a POS he really is. But, I can't bring myself to drop a dime on him. My wife and this scumbag get away Scott Free from all of this. No consequenses for either of them.
My wife seems sorry. She seems to have remorse. She says she wants to work it out. But how the hell am I supposed to know after all the lies I've been told. I have no idea what is real and what is a lie. The only thing keeping me going is that we just welcomed our first grandchild in October and I have nicknamed him 'My Savior'. To be honest, I hope he is our Savior. I feel that she came clean finally because of him and she wants him to have an intact family to grow up in.
My wife ended the affair, she says. I have told the scumbag that if he contacts my wife again that he will not only see me in person again but I have his house number on speed dial.
So, that's my story folks. Sorry it's so long but I haven't found anybody else who has been through a 15 year affair so there's a lot to tell. I thank you for giving me a place to fianally tell someone else my story. I'm tired of writing a journal and letters that nobody ever sees but me.
I obviously know this is different for everybody, but I’m just curious as to how long it really took to start feeling better if you stayed with your cheating spouse. 13 months in, and for some reason, I’m more angry now than ever, and my husband has been nothing but great since. I just can’t stop picturing him with her every time we’re together. We’ve done a few sessions of couples...
If this seems a niave question-it's because I've never been at this place in my life before. A feeling emerged, deep & nagging, a month or so ago. In an attempt to rid myself of it (so many sounds in a house can be pin pointed to a logical reason, don't jump to being convinced of ghosts -I tell myself) I began paying attention & found things that have unsettled me. A condom in his work bag,...