Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

Never thought it would happen to me

gagirl99
gagirl99

My husband and I have been together for 19 years. I considered him my best friend. We used to talk about everything. There was nothing two of us couldn't tell each other. We have had some issues recently and we separated back in November 2017. Here I am thinking that we are working on our marriage and I find out that he has someone else. I suspected that he had slept with someone else but I didn't say anything because I thought I have to be wrong because he would never do that to me. We had always talked and if I did something to make him unhappy or he felt like I wasn't doing something then he would talk to me about it and I would do the same and we would deal with it. Then he told me to go ahead with the divorce. He kept saying it's not what he wanted but he thought that's what I wanted. I asked him if there was someone else and he told me that he was just talking to someone and that's all it was. They were just friends and he needed someone to talk to and she was going through some things so she understood. The next day we talked again. He tome he wanted to be with me and that he loved me. We started talking about moving into a new place and starting over etc. I found out then that he slept with her. The next day he told me that he needed to be honest and that he was so confused. I told him he needed to make a decision and he chose her. He actually wants a relationship with this woman. I find out today that he was involved with her longer than what he said he was before. He got involved with her back in September. He says that is was hard for him to make a decision but I don't believe that because he was so quick to choose her. He was playing both sides but apparently I wasn't the only one trying to get him to make a decision. He actually said he wanted both of us. OMG!! I couldn't believe that. I told him that I don't share and I either have all or nothing. He told me he loves this woman. Never in a million years did I think that I would ever be here. Today he was talking about how we were going to be a blended family blah blah. I told him that if he thought I was going to be friends with this woman or be nice to her he was fooling himself because to me she will always be the whore that slept with my husband. I said it just like that. I was pregnant with our third child when he started sleeping with her. It makes me angry that he could cheat on me and I can't stand all the lying. It also makes me angry that after 19 years he could walk away so easily. 

Leftbehind20
Leftbehind20
I'm not sure if she knew he was with someone or that he had someone waiting for him at home since he met her out of town. But I have messaged her and told her what the truth is and I think being so young she doesn't want to believe that he has lied to her.

Man this all just sucks!!

I keep praying for the strength to move on and let him go.
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
I’m so sorry that you are going through this!! I was devastated by my wifes two year affair. (married 25 years) I handled it so poorly . @stupidwife, should have taken that advice. I begged her to come back. And she did. But not all of her. Whatever mindset she had to assume to let her do this is still there. Way in down deep, but I can feel it. I am learning a lot about it. Joined ds, read everyday ect. And meditate so I can understand myself and how my codependent behaviors made all of it so unbearable. I took it so personally and it damaged my self confidence so badly that I have just begun to heal. I never blamed her. HATE him. Could have killed him in fact. He was with a sweet woman who was pregnant with his child and they were engaged. So she HATED my wife. Pretty ugly. I think that’s a big reason she came back. She couldn’t bear the reality once the secret was out. She wanted both of us. Him for the sex and excitement/false freedom, me for the good girl image and stability. Mind you, I am one of the kindest men on the planet. She knows that I will always love her. And I will. Now that I am on the far side of my mid life crisis I am finding my joy from within. And this is giving me the courage to finally get all my emotions in order. Because they have been running my life without me. I have let our marriage travel in a rut because neither one wants to rock the boat by taking about the issues that have damaged the intimacy. Opening up is letting some back but I don’t know if we can make it all the way back. The only plus side is we would part as friends and our kids are grown. But that’s not balancing the pain that I have been burdened with. If I had been firm about ending it at the start I think I would be a better, stronger person today. So my advice: do the opposite of me. I was so blind sided by it, I think I have been living like a ptsd patient. Move on and don’t look back. I actually have hope for my marriage now, but this moment of reconnecting has been a Long time coming
stayingpositive
stayingpositive
On Sunday it will also be 19 years for me and mine spent a year stringing me and the mistress along while he has his cake. String the wife along for the stable home life and convenience while he gets his jollies and fantasy attention with the mistress. FINALLY after a full year (discovered the affair May 2017) I am kicking him to the curb for good and not allowing anymore bullshit attempts at fake reconciliation.

Emotionally dead now and ready to let go finally. It feels good not to want him anymore and not care. I hope you get there very soon--and you will!
gagirl99
gagirl99
I don't wish anyone harm but I don't wish them well either. I think I have the right to feel the way I feel and so does everyone else here who has been cheated on. He could have given me and my son a STD. I thought this place was supposed to help but it doesn't. I feel like some people are taking up for her and I'm the bad person. I didn't cheat. I could have. I had plenty of opportunity. But I have morals and values and my marriage meant something to me. I'm done here. I need someone on my side not the side of the whore.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
I don't think anyone's taking her side. She is wretched person for being complicit in an affair that caused a family breakdown with children.

Neither of them will stay faithful because it's not in their character to do so. They will always distrust each other and the relationship will end in a train wreck.

Both will experience the pain you have. On top of that, they will know regret and live with the label as a cheater which they bring into each new relationship they have.

You don't need to burden yourself with vengeance as you have 3 kids to raise well and help mold them into people that aren't like your husband and that girl.
betrayedtodeath
betrayedtodeath
@gagirl99 I'm sorry you didn't feel validated here. I hate all cheaters equally and in my case, I believe almost all the various holes my CH poked himself into knew that he was married. So those "receptacles" are equally complicit in my book.
Coffeetime
Coffeetime
I'm sorry. I'm just reading through the messages and yes they are alot. I know so many people go through this pain
And every one deals with it differently. I have and I'm in a good place now. I hate to say that the road isn't easy and the choices are hard (even harder with kids involded). If I think back to that time.... All I wanted was to vent and make the feels move forward. Sometimes that worked but most of the time it didn't. I couldn't walkaway because of pain and kids. So, what do you do?
The feeling will come, pain, mad, sad exc. Let them come you need to feel them and you have every right. But also make sure to find the peace. The pease that makes you know your going to be ok!.....U R going to be ok and get through this. Don't make all this stuff about blaming, it won't make it better. Focus on u and what you need to heal. I'm hear for you! We all are.
MrCellophane
MrCellophane
You wrote "Never thought it would happen to me." Well... Sorry to say: NONE OF US DO! And yet, here we all are. Understand, his actions are not a comment on who YOU are. Cheating has very, very little to do with the Betrayed Spouse. Rather, cheating reveals a flaw in the Cheating Spouse.

On the "Up" side: You are in good company!
stayingpositive
stayingpositive
I also have 19 years and my asshole husband was stringing me along for the last year and refusing to choose as well. I finally do not care anymore and do not want him. I'll spend the next 19 years and forward being happy than staying with a liar and cheater. Yes, I had to face the reality that he was not the man I thought I married and yes, he can easily ditch 19 years of marriage and a young child's sense of security. He fed me so many lies early on- telling me "I'm loyal to a fault" in his relationships. I got chumped pretty hard, but I am over it and just ready to live and learn. I hope you can get to the "I do not give a shit anymore" place soon. I am there- I sleep well at night now- no more tears- you will get there.
Bee3
Bee3
Why? It's so hard to think that this will happen to us. I, too, struggle with the emotions. I was recently contacted by someone who works with my husband telling me he was having an affair with her friend. I can't stop thinking about it or the fact that he is angry at me telling me I am f,.ing stupid to believe it and that I am the slut, cheat, and whore in the family. Sadly, I suspected something for years as he stopped sleeping in the same bed as me, doesn't talk to me, and literally has taught my oldest daughter how to disrespect me. He was someone I gave up everything and everyone for. Now I have no one except God, my two dogs and two kids that still talk to me.
calirn13
calirn13
Hey hacker spammer nobody wants your business
cbhmom
cbhmom
100% refurb couldnt have said it better myself!
One day at a time hell at this point on Breath at a time
Hugs
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
well you can't trust a spammer who doesn't even know what ethical hacking is. It's not used to spy on people. It's used by IT specialists to test their own companies security systems by using a variety of tools to attempt to break it.

but anyway, I'll report them and hopefully they will be gone soon.
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