Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband and I have been together for 19 years. I considered him my best friend. We used to talk about everything. There was nothing two of us couldn't tell each other. We have had some issues recently and we separated back in November 2017. Here I am thinking that we are working on our marriage and I find out that he has someone else. I suspected that he had slept with someone else but I didn't say anything because I thought I have to be wrong because he would never do that to me. We had always talked and if I did something to make him unhappy or he felt like I wasn't doing something then he would talk to me about it and I would do the same and we would deal with it. Then he told me to go ahead with the divorce. He kept saying it's not what he wanted but he thought that's what I wanted. I asked him if there was someone else and he told me that he was just talking to someone and that's all it was. They were just friends and he needed someone to talk to and she was going through some things so she understood. The next day we talked again. He tome he wanted to be with me and that he loved me. We started talking about moving into a new place and starting over etc. I found out then that he slept with her. The next day he told me that he needed to be honest and that he was so confused. I told him he needed to make a decision and he chose her. He actually wants a relationship with this woman. I find out today that he was involved with her longer than what he said he was before. He got involved with her back in September. He says that is was hard for him to make a decision but I don't believe that because he was so quick to choose her. He was playing both sides but apparently I wasn't the only one trying to get him to make a decision. He actually said he wanted both of us. OMG!! I couldn't believe that. I told him that I don't share and I either have all or nothing. He told me he loves this woman. Never in a million years did I think that I would ever be here. Today he was talking about how we were going to be a blended family blah blah. I told him that if he thought I was going to be friends with this woman or be nice to her he was fooling himself because to me she will always be the whore that slept with my husband. I said it just like that. I was pregnant with our third child when he started sleeping with her. It makes me angry that he could cheat on me and I can't stand all the lying. It also makes me angry that after 19 years he could walk away so easily.
I am sorry your marriage is over. He made that decision a while ago. And yes, these cheaters to want a wife and a mistress. Good for you to stand up to him.
Get a good lawyer and good luck to you!
With that, call your girlfriends and have sleepover.. Get their help to pack his things and put them in the garage or, even better, call his best friend to deliver them to H. DO NOT under any circumstance destroy anything he considers valuable. This is critical. There will be emotional and legal consequences if you do. Ask a family member to make copies of photos of the kids to include with his stuff. Once you’ve purged, paint—your room, the bathroom, the Hall way. Everything. Friends can help here too. Then, take the sheets and donate them to a local animal shelter. Buy brand new stuff. Take back your living space while you take back your life. There is nothing more valuable than you ridding yourself of his toxicity.
Get a journal. Write. Purge your heart into the pages. Take your kids to the park. Play. If you do, have a glass of wine with dinner on “the good plates”. Play only your music in the car; remove all his presets. Plant new flowers in the yard.
Do you see where I’m going?
Your husband has moved his life on. You now have permission to do the same. Whether he returns or not, your first marriage is (I’m so sad to say) gone. It will never be the same. Neither will you be. So, begin the self care. Take care of you and your babies. The 4 of you are the top priority. You cannot change his decision or his choice so live. Love your life as you want to—with integrity and strength and a sense of your own true value.
My favorite song during this intital period—You Are Enough, Sleeping At Last. My favorite song now, Irreplacable, Queen Beyoncé. Yeah, you will get here. I promise.
He was using you as a wife/mother and this other girl as a sex object. It is obvious he wanted both simultaneously but the surprise is that he had the audacity to ask you to stay around and allow him to indulge in a polygamous relationship.
Even though he chose her.....she's getting the bad end of the stick. She will be more miserable than she can imagine soon enough.
And I still wonder how he could just throw 19 years away with out any thought!
And I hate that he finds it so easy to want to stay friends with me. I am reminded of a saying I saw that goes like i"f two past lovers stay friends it means that either they were never in love or they still are". I know for me I still love him and that is why I can't be friends!!
damn sure am not going to be friends and definitely not with her. And when
I say kids he's talking about mine and hers like we are supposed to be one big happy family or something.
you be your children mother, do not cover up for him, that is disrespectful to your children, do not be part of his deceit
if he chooses to deceive his kids DO NOT help him
He's the one who broke your trust, not her. He's the one who broke your heart and uprooted your family's life. If it wasn't her, it would have been someone else. He'd already made up his mind.
In any sense you don't need to wish for anything bad to happen. Horribly selfish and foolish people are authors of their own demise 100% of the time.
They will always be sadly alone because aren't able to feel loved or love anyone in return. They will never be able to look into the mirror and feel proud of who they are.