Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been in a relationship with a man for 6 years. About one year into our relationship I discovered that he had relations with other main, primarily he was getting massages with happy endings. He told me that sex was just one way and that he never reciprocated...just received. He also told me that he wouldn't do it again, unless he asked me and I was okay with it. I admit that at one time I was going to be okay with it as long as he was open and honest about when/where and with whom he was getting the massage. He was never up front about it and kept scheduling secret "massages" and going behind my back. I ended the relationship.
He came back and asked if we could get back together. Said he'd do anything. We did couple's therapy, he did individual counseling, in addition. We did great for a long while. Then secrets and lies again. I ended the relationship.
Again he came back. Said that he'd signed himself up for Sex Addicts Annonymous. Said that he was learning a lot about himself and that he was ready to be vulnerable, to be committed. So, I took him back. Again, we were good for a long while. But, I think the lack of his "massages" made him an uglier person overall and we fought about other stuff. So, we ended our relationship.
6-7 months later he asked me out to dinner to see if we could still be friends. He asked if there was any way for us to be together and that he missed "US". We spent the next couple months being friends (no sexual contact). He asked for us to be together. I wrote out a multiple page type written take or leave it, all or nothing "contract" and he agreed to it. He started chipping away at all of the things I NEEDED to happen before restarting our relationship and most of the things I wanted to happen. We've been good for a couple years, he even proposed marriage to me a few months ago. All good...until recently.
Because of my past experiences with him I got used to some "tells" of his and most of the time when I suspected something wasn't right...it usually wasn't. This morning I noticed a blank text message. I google searched the number and found it linked to a man that gives massages. I texted the masseuse, pretending to be a man, to schedule a massage at about the time I thought my S.O. might also schedule. From my communications I was able to guess that if my S.O. had, in fact, made an appointment that it would be at 11. I drove to the address and parked outside. And to my great sadness and disappoinment, my S.O. showed up. I confronted him on the street and he couldn't do or say anything to save himself. He was busted.
So here I am sad and disappointed and feeling sorry for myself. For letting myself think that he could change.
I don't know what my next step is going to be.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
I dunno. I love him plenty, but I have to save myself, too, right? I can't keep living like this...not trusting him completely, doing these stupid stuff to try to bust him...chasing him around town like some stupid ass.
Every time I get close to trusting him he does something stupid and blows everything apart.
???????????????
This situation sucks!
You're right. I can't be in a secretive relationship, one without trust.
Completely up to you... I am just saying that he will continue to have sex with men, and continue to lie about it, and I am not sure if you want that kind of relationship or not... but this is clearly how it will be with him. It has happened continuously, and as long as you accept it (by not leaving, or by taking him back), then he will continue to do this, because there are no consequences to his actions.
"Actions speak louder than words." Holds so true for him. He says this and that but then does the opposite.
It's up to me to find the strength to stay away for good.
I appreciate your insight. I know that what you say is true. I've known it for a long time. It's just hard.
Thank you
He may be a good man, but not the kind of man you are looking for a relationship with.
You stayed 2 chances too long. You get an A for effort. So get tested for STI’s because 1:4 men that are sexually active with other men are HIV positive. If he says he only received ... well he’s a liar and that has been established.
Friends don’t lie. He’s not your friend. He’s not a “good man” he’s a liar. Good men don’t lie. Good men do not put the people they “love” through this.
Find a good man. Cut off contact.
Sorry for your loss.
We have a couple's therapy session scheduled next week Monday and I plan to let it all go there. I've not talked to him since Friday when everything happened. He's called, left messages and texted me to say he's sorry and all I know is that he's sorry he got busted.
I don't plan to have any contact with him until our therapy session and strengthen up to let him go.
I'm sad....crying as I type this.
Sure he loves you, sure you love him. But he cant and will not stop himself from doing the things that he enjoys.
You don't want an open relationship, and honestly either does he.
In my opinion he is using you to hide his actions and wants.
You have only learned of some of his wants, there is more that he keeps from you.
In fact that if you stay with him you will sadly get and STD that will hurt your soul to learn that he gave it to you, and disrespected you that much.
To keep you he will hide his actions and take more risks to up the pleasure he wants. These risks will involve men that have low moral values.
Im sure the sex with him is off the hook, he rocks your world, he has done things that put you on the ceiling. But since he can not be honest with you and respect you enough he will seek others.
It is hard to let those we love go, but you must love yourself more and release yourself from this attachment that will end even uglier down the road.
You can not help him, you can not change him, he will only want more and will destroy you in his resolve to get it.
I'm keeping the ring, though, as a reminder and lesson learned.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”.
To me, this isn’t about his sexuality per se but I think more about his inability to accept who is, and about each of you wanting different things in the relationship. He is not for you as much as you are not for him. That is a loss for both of you.
I hope you find the courage and resolve to let him go, for real. It’s hurting you. I even think it’s hurting him
Trust is broken...again and I don't know that we can come back from this I'm holding strong. I haven't talked to him, although he asked a few times, and I am still planning to end this on Monday.
I'm working hard to stay strong and move on.